Well here goes: I have been with my wife for 15 yrs since school and I'm 30. I have been married for 2 years to her.
At this moment in time i still know i love her but i dont fancy her anymore.
I dont enjoy having sex with her.
I am bored in her company and we run out of things to do and talk about together.
Things have gone into a routine and sometimes its her not wanting to do other stuff. I have a lot of hobbies which i enjoy but i feel the need to always getting home to keep her company as she doesnt have many friend to go and see when i'm out. I tried getting her to do stuff but she is getting lazy and claiming to be too tired.
I feel like part of an old couple but i'm still so youthful inside. My wife is also not taking care of herself and started putting weight on which doesnt help matters.
I have met someone at work who i get along with v.well, we both fallen for each other but she wont come near me due to my status, is it worth leaving my wife for potential happiness?
2007-12-13 11:00:27 · 19 answers · asked by gadgey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
even with the new girl, if you married, in so many years, yo'd get bored and you guys would let yourselves go.
Are there kids involved? Some men leave that out so we can't blame weight or her fatigue so you look more innocent...but nevertheless, you've been together a long time, since the beginning of high school. I guess you've grown apart.
Seems like she may be depressed and too dependent on someone who is turning out to not be dependent and betrayed her mentally and is on here looking for approval/support to physically ditch her.
Well, with a guy like you, not sure I can say marriage counseling will work. If she was my daughter, I'd rather she get out and find someone who could love her for life.
Give her warning/ Sit her down and tell her you're not happy and want to consider a trial separation in a month of things don't change. Tell her you feel she needs to have hobbies and friends and get a life too for any chance to save the marriage and be that girl you feel in love, including getting in better shape for health and beauty.
If there are no changes (or very little) then take your trial separation and see how things go.
I hope she gets tons of spousal support from you though and shacks up with good boy. I can't see how this new girl will be with someone who does that to his own wife! Imagine if she marries you, after the hot honeymoon phase, you'd probably leave her after a decade or so for another woman at the office.
2007-12-13 11:41:54 · answer #1 · answered by Jack Bent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All marriages have tuff times. The way you talk, your wife is the only woman you have been with and so now your wondering what you have missed. Now along comes someone who attracts your attention and that gets those juices flowing so you figure to find out if the grass is greener on the other side of the hill.
Marriage takes work and communication. Have you sat down with your wife and seriously talked with her about how you are feeling. Perhaps she is unaware of your feelings because you don't communicate with her.
You need to find new and exciting ways to put the spark back into your marriage, afterall you "still love her." As long as that part is still in place then you have a chance of salvaging your marriage, if you want to.
Seek out a good marriage counselor who will help you both understand your own and your partners feelings.
Of course, much of your question sounds as though you have made up your mind the other way. That you really want to leave your wife and are just seeking validation from the rest of us that it would be the best choice. If that is the case regardless of what anyone here tells you, you will do it anyway.
Remember that love is important, sex may come and go, but true love doesn't come along every day and 15 years is a lot to give up.
2007-12-13 11:15:54 · answer #2 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok the short and long of it....let's say you leave your wife...you get with the other woman...what happens in another 2 years, 5 years.... when you get in another routine with this woman and she possibly puts on weight...Are you going to run for the next thing that shows interest because it's new and exciting....Did you happen to stop and think, "Maybe I should ask what is the real issue in the marriage"...
As Dr. Phil would say, what are you really doing to contribute to help the marriage and what are you doing to hurt the marriage??? Obviously, your wife has somethings that are bothering her and believe me, she knows that you are not happy and that is not making her happy...Do you sense a little cycle here...Running off into the arms of another woman, because it feels fun, exciting, new ...is not the answer....You could have the same feelings with your wife, you just need to communicate and figure out the CORE issues and work to solve them...You can find ways to enjoy each other's company, find exciting ways to spice things up...You have become too comfortable in the marriage and now you think you are at a loss as to what to do, when you should be thinking of what you are doing wrong...
All I'm hearing is what you think she has done wrong and is doing wrong....I'm also not hearing much in the way of how you think this will affect your kids, because whether they know it or not, it is affecting them because they sense something is not right with mom and dad....If you really want to make your wife happy and work on the marriage you should work on your own faults in the marriage. You took a vow, for better or worse and now you want to run away....She's a lucky woman huh.
2007-12-13 11:14:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You started dating too early...Now you are bored? Well too darn bad. You married this lady and now you want something new in your life? What a fickle person you are. I would go for marriage counseling and try to salvage your marriage. There was something years ago that attracted her to you, so you should try to rekindle the romance..Do something Mr. Bored. You need to take her out...romance her, show her she is loved and she will respond. The woman at work is very very smart..and she should not have anything to do with you because of your marital status. If you have tried everything..and you still feel that the marriage is not salvagable, then file tell your wife that you want a separation for a while..see the reaction. But give it a chance.
2007-12-13 12:12:43 · answer #4 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The part of the grass is always greener that they don't tell you about is that it takes work (water and care) to keep the grass green. What have you done spontaneous or romantic to show your wife you care lately? Anything? Or have you just been living your life and letting your marriage get further apart. You want something new and exciting that is why you are drawn to this new woman. But for all you know she could be total shrew after a few months. You are married, respect your vows and figure out how to make your marriage young again.
2007-12-13 11:17:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You would be trading one set of flaws for another. Nothing is guaranteed to work out between you and this person you have a crush on. I am so glad to hear the other woman has enough respect to respect your status!
Since you are the one seeking advice, you need to step up and be the one to attempt to make your marriage work. Hopefully your wife will follow suit.
Unfortunately you are all over the place with your questions, and attempts to substantiate why you want to leave your wife. You need to find a good marriage counselor, and tell your wife you would like the both of you to go. It will help you in so many ways, and guide you into making a good decision. Just don't look for happiness in another person because it starts from within you first.
2007-12-13 11:12:27 · answer #6 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand feeling young in an "old couple" relationship. The question here is do you love your wife? Is she willing to be more attractive. If you truly love each other than you should both talk this through and try to make each other happy. Are you being selfish here. do you really feel those things about her, or are you trying to make yourself feel better for having sexual urges towards another. You will always find other people sexually appealing no matter what kind of relationship you are in and this will happen throughout your life. I suggest staying true to what you have. You know your wife. You loved her enough to be with her for 15 years. The grass is rarely any greener on the other side.
THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE FACT THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOESN'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE WILL MAKE A WOMAN DEPRESSED...ERGO GAIN WEIGHT, AND NOT FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING. YOU MUST MAKE HER FEEL SPECIAL AND THEN SHE WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU.
2007-12-13 11:08:38 · answer #7 · answered by jingersnaps 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would listen to the others and work it out with your wife, you have been together for so long why give it up now. I'm sure she would be devastated if you left her .Would you want to see her like that knowing you were the cause?
2007-12-13 11:16:26 · answer #8 · answered by tallbluewoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband left me after 14yrs for a woman he met at work he said she was the love of his life and couldnt live without her ,he was gone for 4 weeks thats how long it took him to realise that he still wanted me but was just bored ,3 weeks later she was doing someone else at work .
2007-12-13 11:12:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like everything you have mentioned is a negative against your wife. Seriously, how can you abandon her? Marriage is hard enough and your excuse that you are simply bored or not attracted to her doesn't fly. Vows, my friend, are for real. At least your potential girlfriend knows this.
2007-12-13 11:05:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋