My husband and i have a very good relationship, we are very happy with each other( touch wood) but what bothers me sometime is...he can go wherever he likes to, he is always making friends and talking to them but every time i want to go some where he insist to come along and he always does, he checks my phone, i dont talk to anyone besides my family. if i ever go out without him he will ask me 100 of times when will i be home and if i ask him the same thing ...he doesnt like it... what should i do? how should i make him understand it goes both ways?
2007-12-13 10:42:35 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe a little controlling or insecure, but your relationship is important enough to care.
And you know what to work on in your marriage, trust. Trust is something that is not automatic in marriage, it is something built or destroyed in everything you do. There maybe some very small manor you have that presses the button in his mind. It may not even have anything to do with trust, but triggers this behavior in him.
Sit down with him and say what you need to, no hints, no emotions, no frosting. Just rational words. Say how it makes you feel. i.e. "When questioned I feel I am not trustworthy” notice there was no "you" just "I". You can only deal with your problem, yes when your husband deals with his, your problem will go away. But your husband does not have a problem yet. It doesn’t bother him to check up on you, NO PROBLEM HERE. It's going to be very hard not to use the "you" word, but, "you" puts people on the defensive. Then you are talking to a brick wall.
Talk it over with him, make a plan that you both agree to 100% not 50/50. Don’t settle until you both have your need and requirements fulfilled 100% this may take days to reach. It takes time to think and to understand. Don’t stop talking until you know that he understand your view and he knows you understand his.
And remember he loves enough to care. Look around, you have more then 80% right there.
P.S. no he is cheating on you, or you cheating on him. People who say this first off are jerks and need a life other than soap operas and check-out stand rags.
2007-12-13 11:33:55 · answer #1 · answered by cmrwash 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he have a reason not to trust you? Have you been unfaithful in the past? If not, then he's just insecure and has control issues.
He's doing this because you're letting it happen. Ignore his calls the next time that you're out. If he gets upset, then you'll see how he really feels.
I think he should be able to go wherever he wants. I think you should too.
2007-12-13 10:58:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
first of all, from the sounds of it, he is INSECURE!. Be vary careful with this type of man. Its a sign that he is probobly cheating behind your back hance the fact that he checks in on u. and that he checks the phone.... ?? he doesnt want to caught. so he makes sure your not looking out for him. and he doesnt trust you because hes doing exactly what hes afraid of u doing. think about it.
2007-12-13 11:25:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
he is treating you good and you are happy cause he is manipulating you and you are letting him get away with it so he is a happy camper if you don't stop touching wood and put you food down you will be one sad miserable wife
2007-12-13 10:57:52 · answer #4 · answered by MEETOO 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he LOVES being in control
2007-12-13 10:50:27 · answer #5 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him he is not your father, you are a grown woman, he needs to give you the same respect you give him by trusting you like you trust him, and whats good enough for him to do is good enough for you .....PERIOD!
2007-12-13 11:00:16 · answer #6 · answered by YUMMY1 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You said "touch wood". haha
2007-12-13 10:48:31 · answer #7 · answered by jeff b 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
either he's been cheated on and fearful of his prize OR he's cheating mind and projecting onto you
2007-12-13 12:04:08 · answer #8 · answered by Jack Bent 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that aint' normal....put your foot down....its not normal to have such little trust
2007-12-13 11:23:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, it's insecurity.
2007-12-13 10:49:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋