Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get him more involved and excited in the pregnancy it is our first child?
2007-12-13 10:34:06 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Ignore the whole marriage before having a baby thing. Get married when you want to for the right reasons and are ready.
It's very normal for the men to not be as excited. My partner is the exact same. With our 1st baby it wasn't until I was in labor when he showed that he was excited. During the pregnancy it really bothered me. Felt like he was hating the whole experience/ But once our daughter was born he was so excited and has been ever since. She is now 22 months old and never though that he could be this involved in his daughters life. He is very hands on and does everything I do. Even the pooey nappies from day one,lol.
I'm 20 weeks pregnant with 2nd baby and he's the same as the 1st time. Although I'm not worried this time because I know when the baby is born he will be more excited and love his new baby just like he daughter.
I guess it's harder for the males. It's all happening to us and they get let out because there not the ones that are actually pregnant. They just get all the hormones and stuff,lol.
I'm sure once you get further along and have your baby he will be very excited. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy
2007-12-13 10:45:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's completely normal, guys tend to not get as excited until they can see something, kinda like they need proof. It's not that he doesn't believe you, it's that pregnancy is a little intangible for him at the moment. You on the other hand have felt everyone of your symptoms and at this point may even have felt the baby moving so it is easy for you to know this is real. Some men don't show exactly how excited they are until the baby is born. My husband didn't seem really excited until I started looking pregnant (not just showing, because at first it just looked like I was chubby) Once he could see that and feel the baby move it became real, now he couldn't be more thrilled, or anxious to meet his daughter, give him time, he'll come around once it seems real to him.
2007-12-13 10:49:17 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two thoughts on this...
First, was this planned? If it was and he was excited by it at first or even just okay with it then don't worry. Guys will usually get excited after the baby is born. For the pregnant moms we can't seem to think about anything else and dads are really out of the loop. They can't feel the things we feel and they aren't bonding with the baby the way we are. They will bond and be excited when the baby is born.
My other thought is that if this is all coming as a surprise and shock to him he may just need time to adjust. However, the unfortunate answer may be that he is not ready to be handling this yet. (not that he has a choice) He will just need time. Again, he may completely change his tune when the little one is born.
Good luck!! Keep involving him, but don't push it. Sometimes guys just need time to process things. Spend a day together and don't talk at all about the baby, not because you are avoiding it, but so you can focus on him. Try to be like the people you were before the pregnancy. Sometimes guys just need to feel like they are the center of your world. If you are always talking about the baby (let's face it...we all do that) then he may just want it to be you and him. Focus on him for a day and then go back to being an excited mommy.
2007-12-13 10:41:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
read some father - to - be books. I bet a lot of the symptoms you're seeing in your boyfriend will be topics they discuss in these books. He's afraid. He feels like he has this huge responsibility now and may not have the means of supporting you and the baby. It's a scary thing for guys, especially because you aren't married. I wouldn't push it to much about him getting excited. He'll come around when he's ready. If you pressure him to much about being involved, he may be scared away completely. Just give him updates here and there, and although you may not get a reaction, just understand where he is coming from. Hope things work out. And congratulations. I'm 19 weeks pregnant too.. and getting married in 3 days. (everything has been rushed and I AM the one not as excited as him!)
2007-12-13 10:46:23 · answer #4 · answered by dylans going2b a big brother! :) 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I posted a very similar question to yours not so long ago, many people told me that guys get freaked out by the reality of the situation. I agree with that. Guys feel responsible for providing, and get worried about having another mouth to feed and provide for. I think it's also because, well, that's how some guys are. It's not that they are not excited, it's just that they express it differently, or don't express it at all. LOL.
My husband would not stop talking about how fun it would be to have a baby BEFORE we started trying to conceive, now that I might actually be pregnant he is not into it anymore and has other things to talk about.
I guess my advice to you is to ask him how he's doing during all of this. I think as women we are so into our bodies changing and experiencing the pregnancy, that we sometimes forget to see how our guys are doing. Maybe he'd like to paint the nursery? Or maybe he'd get more excited about it if you had a get together to celebrate baby? A unisex party, of course.
Good luck.
2007-12-13 10:45:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My financee wasn't very excited during my pregnancy either. I was emotional and it made me kind of upset, but when I asked him why he didn't seem as excited as me he gave me some food-for-thought. He said that I was experiencing all these changes that he couldn't understand. He didn't know what it felt like to be me and have a life growing inside. To him, I just looked like normal me. It wasn't until the baby started to kick that he took some interest. But once the baby was born, it was totally different! He was so happy and excited! Women are focused on baby, men are focused on supporting a family. He'll come around!
2007-12-13 10:48:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask him to be involved in the process. Clothes shopping may not excite him, but toy shopping may. Also, look into your community for some support groups for young parents or first time parents. That also helps. It would be a great idea to have him come to the doctors visits. My cousin had the same issue with her boyfriend (now husband), and she bought him a pager incase anything happened. It made him feel a lot more involved and that she really relied on him to help with the baby. Ask him to read some parenting books or name books with you. Talk about what you are going to do after the baby is born. Depending on his age, he may feel that his freedom is gone, but reassure him that it hasn't. Responsibilty is the focus now. I know that it sounds weird, but my cousin had a shower with her boyfriends friends invited also. It was a great way to get his friends excited that he's going to be a father too. Good luck!
2007-12-13 10:41:06 · answer #7 · answered by Robby R 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's very normal. When we had our baby, I was the same way. It's kind of hard for the guy to truly grasp what's going on because we're really not that involved in the actual pregnancy. All of our interaction is still with you and not the baby. At the most we have to experience everything vicariously through you.
It really didn't hit home with me until I could feel the baby move and see her move by looking at my wife's stomach. From the other fathers I've talked to about it, they all went through something similar.
I actually felt bad about it.
2007-12-13 10:40:44 · answer #8 · answered by shayne_civic 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband did seem so excited or really even believed I was pregnant even tho he goes to all of my doc appts. Well when we were in the docs office to find out what it was he started to change. They told him it was a boy and I saw him smile ear to ear. I saw him looking at the screen really hard and was really quite. Then about 6 weeks later he noticed that my stomach has really grown. He now says good night to him and puts his hand on my tummy when he goes to bed.
Its just not hit him yet like it has you because you are the one going through it day in and day out. Give it a little more time he'll come around. Good luck and CONGRATS
2007-12-13 11:15:40 · answer #9 · answered by Lou Lou 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you heard the baby's heartbeat yet? I think that because the baby is growing inside of you it is more real to you - once he hears the baby's heart and starts to see it kick - he will freak out!
Some people take even more time - Don't worry until the baby is born! If at that point he is still acting not excited it is time to sit down and talk about it. A lot of men are scared - they didn't grow up taking care of dolls and babysitting, like most girls do.
2007-12-13 10:44:28 · answer #10 · answered by blair o 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋