Almost 11 years ago I had sex with another women and my wife gave me a choice to stay with my family or go. I choose to stay and we had two very rough years but we had started moving on and I thought everything was ok. We had just had our 20 aniv. and was gone for a week together and we had just bought this motorcycle to take trips on and where talking about the stuff we were going to do as the kids left the house,(20, 18) When out of the blue she told me she wanted a divorce and would not talk about it. Of course there is another man in the picture,but she says that she is not in love with me anymore and is madly in love with him. I am still in love with my wife. I have tried everything to get her to stay and work it out,she just refuse's. She wants to be friends after the divorce. Should I be?
2007-12-13 09:59:43 · 14 answers · asked by George A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can be and probably will have to be for the kids even tho they are adults (because of weddings, holidays, grandkids). But I would not push it give it some time and slowly become friends with her...let her know you will still be there but you need to heal first so that your past doesn't get in the way of you future friendship.
2007-12-13 10:52:42 · answer #1 · answered by Lou Lou 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Arliss, I truly feel for you. Yes, It is very very hard to be in a relationship with someone who is mentally ill. You are so right when you say that no-one knows what it is like unless they are living it or have lived through it. You have stuck it out for a long time and understanbly you are now just tired and probably don't remember what it is like to be in any sort of relationship with a mentally healthy person. You need a break.. To seriously answer this question may I make the following suggestion and then give you the reasoning behind the suggestion: I don't know what country you live in but here in Australia you can have someone committed to an institution on what we call a "Section 2". You have great concerns for her self harming and you are going to walk out of this relationship. Get her committed to an institution. They are the professionals and you have been carying the load for way too long. The reason I am saying Committ her to an institution is simple. You clearly don't want an attempt of suicide successful or unsuccessful on your conscious. You are not able to see a way out of this becuase you are so far stuck in the middle. Committing her is simply handing over the responsiblity to the professionals and if she tries to take her life then help is at hand. You can't be responsible for her for the rest of her life or you will end up ill yourself. You are right.....the marriage vow solution is not what you need here. You are not responsible for her mental well-being. You are not the health professional here and you are tired and obviously unable to take anymore of this. Get out and don't feel guilty. You have done over and above what many others would have done in the same situation. You clearly are a decent human being and you are trying to do the right thing here. I hope that I have helped in some small way and you get the peace that you so dearly deserve. Keep smiling if you can....the sun will shine again for you soon.
2016-05-23 10:41:15 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be friends for the children's sake. They are grown but you two are still the parents of these children. If you two remain friends it'll still leave the children with a sense of family instead of losing all bonds b/c you two have personal issues. Really I think she may still have resentment from when you cheated, never forgotten, and gave the chance to fall in love with someone else. You really can't blame her, what's done is done, it's not like you can erase what you did, can you?
Someone told be, all things in life is like an artwork. One drop of paint can destroy a masterpiece. Do you understand? She could have been sticking around for the children's sake and is ready to move on and live her life. At least she gave you 10years before leaving. How quick was it for you to cheat on her?
Or you can still try to talk her to stay in the marriage. Really try to find out the problem and try to compromise. Tip: You can't force someone to love, so respect her answer whatever it should be. Wish you the best!
2007-12-13 10:13:00 · answer #3 · answered by ladida 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry this has happened to you and your wife.
I bet if you started dating she would have a fit.
The things is you want her to want to stay.
If that is not the case then you will have to move on but as far as being friend the question I want to ask you is WHY?
She has already proven not to be yours.
Yes she forgave you and your marriage continued on but it seems there is advantage she has by staying friends with you. I figure it is money.
2007-12-13 10:14:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
let me explain something about some women. We might try to forgive something like infidelity, and from time to time be able to forget about it. But resent and hurt from things like that don't totally ever heal, and believe when something or someone better marches into the picture, its very easy to say ta ta see you later to the one who screwed you over in the past, even if it was eleven years ago. karma, karma, karma. sorry, but you should have been a better husband.
2007-12-13 10:11:33 · answer #5 · answered by Brittney 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If she wants out let her go. your better off. Have faith that thigns will turn out for the better. besides most relationships that start off by cheating on a spouse never even last a year.
2007-12-13 10:10:34 · answer #6 · answered by bee j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she decided to stay with you when you cheated and has been planning to leave once your kids were out of the house...
2007-12-13 10:06:58 · answer #7 · answered by BTB{06.22.09} 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well,first of all you have kids,so being kind to one another,sure,remember you once broke her heart,it will take time for you as I'm sure it did for her,but someday if you are comfortable with it,yea,it sounds great,just keep in mind,things never go as planned!!
2007-12-13 11:29:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she "wants to be friends after .." use it as leverage
in the settlement.
Trying to hold an unwilling spouse is just about the
most losing thing you can do to yourself.
2007-12-13 11:15:57 · answer #9 · answered by Irv S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
pretty tough..
she wants to go.. let her !!! don't pull her skirts for her to come back. stand up and accept it.. pretty hard, but living with someone who doesn't like u anymore seems hell..move on! she's not the only thing in your life anyway. stand up with your pride. u can be friends when u have moved on.
2007-12-13 10:15:18 · answer #10 · answered by GirL next door 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋