"C'est la Vie"; read and rate?

Question

Hi, it's me (ha ha) again. Yes, I did write this myself... don't steal it. And please don't attack me- I'm fine with construsctive, negative criticism, not insults.

C’est la Vie


The land, sharp white-brown
fades to green
and tentative twigs test the air
murmuring; is it ready for leaves?
Are we ready for spring?

A sprout, newly born
ducks its head under a cap seed
first heartbeats humming
gleaming with dew
searching for the sun amongst the weeds.

Earth spins, sprouts grow
spinning themselves a sweater, bark, waiting
waiting ‘til they can fight free of the undergrowth
when their first swirling gust of weather
shivers down their spine
enticing those forever tethered.

Straight-proud, taller always
branches climbing rungs, a tree
still stretching, singing skywards
so close
to the sun
yet a stars-length out of reach.

And finally, and finally
an apple ‘pon the tree
spun in stoplight shades
filled with hopes and dreams…

Come autumn apples leap
floating gently with the leaves
trees waving worried good-byes-
their darlings flown away.
And plop!
one drops
bobbing in the river
all and any life before it
unknown
exciting
free
and ah
c’est la vie

an apple tree.

Thanks for the suggestions and all of your kind words. (I think I will change the tittle- double thanks).

I have posted another poem too, called "You Look Like You Could Use a Poem", which you can read, if you like.

I don't think I'll be publishing anything too soon, though- I'm just thirteen right now. However, if I get lucky, I'll tell you.

:)

Answer 1

I hope it's not negative, you did a good job to be 13. It has some rough edges, but in all, it is quite well done. Keep working, and they will get better.

dd

Answer 2

I love this poem. Your use of imagery and metaphor are fantastic, and you really grasp the idea that images in poems don't have to make sense logically, only emotionally (a stars-length out of reach... spun in stoplight shades... marvelous). You make music with your words. If you ever release a book of poetry, let me know. Really.

My only suggestion, like Elaine, is that you alter the phrase "c'est la vie." That phrase isn't often used literally, but rather to mean "tough" or "too bad." I suppose you could use it ironically, but the irony doesn't really fit in with the mood of the poem. I like your interjection of french there: maybe you could keep the idea, but change the phrase? "Voila, la vie"? or "Voici, la vie"? or just "la vie"? The first two phrases both mean something like, "Behold, life." I like the second better, because it rhymes.

But of course, as the artist, the choice is entirely up to you, and if you were to leave "c'est la vie," it wouldn't detract much from the beauty of the poem.

Answer 3

Why should anyone attack you? This is a marvelous poem conveying imagery and hope. I speak French and c'est la vie is usually used in a negative way, so I suggest another title. Otherwise, the poem is wonderful.

Answer 4

This has a rough start, then finishes with grace and style. 'Fades' implies decline while 'green' is all about growth. I fumbled over 'tentative' as well. After S-1, it's smooth sailing to the end. I think you could just start it with S-2's little seed. TD