I have been seeing this guy nearly a year and have not met his children. They are a big part of his life and I would like to get to know them too. He says his ex doesn't want them around any other women, and I understand that. But should I take the hint that he is maybe not serious enough about us to take it to that level? I haven't met the parents either. The ex still goes to thier house like everyday.
2007-12-13 09:26:47 · 17 answers · asked by misty b 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My ex husband's girlfriend just met our children this past July after being together for almost three years so it really depends on your boyfriend and the mother of his kids to agree to when it will be okay...But, it is also something you need to be okay with at the same time...I'm sure that my ex's girlfriend knew this ahead of time and she loves him enough to stand by his decision when it comes to his kids...She really can't make decision when it comes to our children and she respects that...I guess that is why we have a decent relationship now because it was something we all did together when we met one another with the kids...Why you have not at least met his family is a question for me...My ex's girlfriend met his family beforehand and I still was around and visited often with all of them with my boys so that for us was never an issue...I knew she was around them and she knows that no matter what I will always be apart of their family and not because of the kids....It's hard when you come into a situation where you are finding your place in a man's life when he has kids and he is still binded through their mother...There wil be alot of things that you may not feel included and it might cause tension between you and him but, if you both are willing to work together for your relationship I know you will make it....Have faith and believe in each other...Don't let this come between you both....
2007-12-14 02:25:49 · answer #1 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, are you two exclusive? If so, then it is absolutely time. Inform him that you really want to meet his children. If he hesitates, then in my opinion only, he is not serious. It does not matter what his ex says, they are his kids too. If, and I am sure he does, has visitation with his kids or joint custody, she cannot stop the kids from seeing you. If this is the case, then you two should plan a kid friendly dinner, or lunch (Chuck-E-Cheese) for the first introduction. If he does not agree, then, if you are serious about this man, you need to sit down and have a very serious talk with him as to why you cannot meet his children. If the talk does not help, I would say move on. As for meeting his parents, if they are local, this too should be addressed. Maybe this man is leading you on and has no way to tell you that he does not want a commitment. Good luck.
2007-12-13 17:40:00 · answer #2 · answered by Only In Dreams 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is respecting the mother of his children - which is a good thing. He is also trying to keep his children from being confused, or hurt, as most kids do want to see mom & dad back together...it isn't easy to see your parent move on.
Once the two of you are on the road to marriage, then I can see where you get introduced to the children - you have only been dating a year - it doesn't mean that he is ready to settle down with you yet.
As far as the parents - don't stress about not meeting them, you two aren't in high school anymore, the parent's approval isn't necessary - and there are many adults who keep their private lives private from their parents, again, until the time comes when they are serious about the future.
2007-12-13 17:47:11 · answer #3 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably wants to make sure that this relationship is a good as it seems before he introduces you to his children and his parents! And I don't blame him! Remember, his marriage ended in disaster or if he wasn't married, he had children with a woman (pretty serious!) and it didn't work. I respect that he doesn't want to confuse them by introducing someone he isn't sure about.
If you believe that it is love, and so does he, then give him time. You'll meet them once he is more comfortable in the relationship. As for the parents, I would ask to meet them soon if it's serious!
If you feel like he's hiding you, I would confront him. But if you feel like he is just cautious because he's been hurt before, then show him the patience and understanding he needs.
2007-12-13 17:33:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally have a problem with people who allow their "X" to dictate what the other does. The other parent should have enough good judgment to know when its appropriate to introduce people the their children. I think a year is way to long NOT to already have met them. I concur with some others and would question if he is still seeing the spouse.
2007-12-13 17:57:48 · answer #5 · answered by Slick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmmmmm. One year? Should have met them by now. Im divorced and have been for about 3 years. Have been seeing my girl for about a year... She loves my kids and moved in. He should want to have you meet his parents if he is serious. Dont get caught up in waiting forever if hes not showing any sign of wanting to grow the relationship
2007-12-13 17:43:21 · answer #6 · answered by d b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should wait, sometimes the timing is not right. But a year thats a long time ask him.
Ask him about it, did he mention you to his kids? There's nothing wrong w/asking him. Ask him. His ex has a problem, she is afraid that the other woman might replace her & she's jealous. What's wrong with your guy saying that you're a girlfriend. If he can't standup for himself or share his life w/you leave him.
Ask him.
I met my bf kids but he hasn't met mine yet its becasue they are live in a different city but he will.
2007-12-13 17:53:45 · answer #7 · answered by jtease 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a secret to them>Second place>1 yr and not together> I would bet they blame you for the break up> Future seems bleak>If you get married you will have a family That has issues with you>you get child rend and an ex wife> If that dosen"t scare you Your tougher than me>Scares me & I'm fearless>
2007-12-13 17:40:09 · answer #8 · answered by 45 auto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um a year and haven't met either? My god hate to tell ya, he's not serious! I wouldn't introduce my kids to just anyone, but after a year?? Get away from him, he's probably still w/ his "ex".
2007-12-13 17:31:37 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Pure Evil♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You would not meet my kids until I was absolutely positive that you would not crush their hearts. There is too much at stake when you influence a child becoming attached to you, then bail. It is a responsible decision from a responsible parent.
2007-12-13 18:42:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋