How is it that men don't consider porn infidelity?

Question

When I first married my husband I told him how I felt on this subject and he told me he could never do that when married but he lied... ALOT.. and now I don't know how to take it. I would understand if I didn't put out or try new things but thats not the problem. What do I do? We've two kids and I'm scared I can't deal with this All I ever wanted was a faithful 100 man and to love me as I've him. We tried counceling but he hates it and doesn't want to go

Answer 1

Porn is NOT infidelity. Porn is normal and healthy. Do you not let him masturbate either? These things have nothing to do with you and it isnt cheating.

He still loves you. Looking at porn doesnt mean he doesnt love you or doesnt find you attractive. PORN IS NATURAL TO WANT TO LOOK AT. A sexual relationship with yourself is very healthy and a good way to spend me time.

I think you need to examine your self esteem. THat is why you dont want him looking right? You feel unattractive and unloved? It really has nothing to do with that.

Answer 2

I understand how your feeling. For some women it's degrading and sexist. It's not for everyone, and every relationship. If you expressed yourself on the issue of porn ( as you did ) then he should respect your wishes, if disagreed with your wishes/beliefs then you should of never committed in marriage. In your case Porn is infidelity. Infidelity is a breach/violation of faith, especially when you both agreed on that subject. The act of infidelity varies between and within cultures and it doesn't always have to do with sexual behaviors.
It also sounds like you have to focus on him lying ,his addiction to porn and the fact that he does want to continue with counseling. To me it doesn't sound like he wants to make things workout. It very sad to know that porn is more important than family...........
I also think it has nothing to do with what you will or wouldn't do in the bedroom, or how you look . Men love all types of women. sometimes having an addiction cane ruin a relationship, as in your case.......
For some men you need to show them how serious you are (take it how you want). But always remember the choice that you give him may not be what you want or expect. Life is to short to be arguing and feeling miserable, your children don't want unhappy parents.
Be brave and strong, things have away of finding the right path.

Answer 3

I have to honestly say that men, are very much mysteries to me.
I understand, through friends, (males) and an older brother, that they are so visual, as to be tempted to view porn, or perhaps, have affairs with women which "make no difference, for they are at HEART faithful to their wives".
I don't understand that logic or lack of, so alien to me. Therefore I have developed a kind of distant appraisal to men, and how they view or practice these comments which they have shared with me.
I have developed a disappointment toward all men, because
so often they'll lie to cover their coyote tracks. And no longer do I expect great changes to affect them. I simply take care of myself. I am heterosexual, so there is no desire to be gay.
But I am becoming a female, who must be wary and make the appropriate choices, when dealing with a man. If ever I should meet a man of exception to what we've discussed, I will grant him, far more of my attention, before I offer him my trust.
As for you well, there is a Spanish saying.
" Yo no quiero nada con el queso, lo que quiero es salir de esta trampa!'
meaning :
It has nothing to do with wanting the Cheese, it all has to do, with getting out of this trap!"
Good Luck!
And I mean that sincerely!!!

Answer 4

Everyone has different opinions on whether porn is infidelity. You'll see that by the responses you get on here. I personally don't see the problem, but that's just my opinion. It's obvious your husband doesn't either. Besides, your issue isn't porn as much as it is him going against something that you already discussed. You need to talk to him about it and find out why he broke that promise. Good luck!

Answer 5

Infidelity is cheating on your spouse by being intimate with another person. With adult content video and magazines, there is no other person, only your spouse's hand. I'd consider this a healthy alternative to anything else he might be doing, in your position. He's engaging in it at home, he's not seeing anyone else, and from what you've described, this is all he's doing. Men like to fantasize, and they like to see beautiful women. If it's restricted to seeing and not touching, you're fortunate, since he is adhering to his vows.

Have you considered involving yourself when he's enjoying some of this content? If you were to approach him and become intimate with him, or perform an intimate act on him, I'm sure he'd appreciate the gesture, and very likely would be greatly distracted from what he was watching/reading.

Answer 6

Men don't consider porn "infidelity" because they can't TOUCH it , or FEEL it, they just "look/watch it". It's the whole Mars/Venus thing !! But...Married Men, I don't understand why they would feel they "need it" , sounds like he needs More counseling. Most men don't like to go to any sort of Doctor (which would include counseling! ) Try to get him to go though, he may have an addiction to porn that he may not be aware of himself. Hang in there. Good Luck !!

Answer 7

EVERYONE is different so if you believe it's infidelity then he should be respectful enough to you to not watch it. Especially if you told him before you married him. Leave him - that's the only option, if he won't go to counceling then that pretty much says .................he's done. I don't care what anyone says -- I've seen the addiction to porn first hand and it can get VERY sick. If he can't see you and want you like he wants the porn then there's a problem.

Answer 8

Women buy vibrators, read Cosmo in our presence, conduct themselves in ways and manners which do not conform with lady-like behavior. And a guy looks a something for a fantasy and all of a sudden he's pervert.

Leave him alone. Tell him you don't want to see it or know about it, but leave him alone. Set some boundaries and leave him be. It's called 'fantasy'.

Send the kids away every now and then. Then take him to the bedroom and knock his ever loving socks off. Get sweaty. Take chances. Make it exhilarating. Read the Cosmo and take some tips and take this man to the edge.

Answer 9

In the first place porn is not a horrible thing. He's at least home. Nobody else is affected. It's not cheating. Not infidelity. Cut the man a little slack. Lots of married people use porn to spice things up a little. See it from a different point of view. You might be surprised.

Answer 10

I don't think that watching porn is cheating. He isn't physically touching or having sex with another person. He also isn't calling someone on the phone and having an emotional affair. I think you should let him do what he enjoys and maybe even join in.