My fionce was married to a "money hungry" person for a very short time and now were together and plan to be married soon. We are both very happy but the only thing is that he tells me that we wont get married until he's established again. Ex: he builds a new house, etc. becuase he doesnt want to go through the same hectic drama he went through with his ex wife when they were fighting for their house. He put her on the title of the house and everything before they got married and when they divorced she fought for every single penny since the house was under both their names. I am a true believer of working for your own things and its not so much that he doesnt want to put me in the title of the new house, its just that he is learning from his mistakes he made w/ his first wife and now I have to pay the price. Wouldnt you be offended? Not so much for the money, but the situation. Its not my fault that shes a money hungry person.
2007-12-13 09:08:13 · 17 answers · asked by Is that your final answer? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like he's stalling. If he's worried about money and you're not, why don't you offer to sign a prenup....see if that doesn't speed along the process a bit.
Good luck
-kiki
2007-12-13 09:12:33 · answer #1 · answered by kiki 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Don't make the mistake of personalizing his trauma. There is no reason to be offended. If he had a wound on his arm and asked you not to touch it until it healed you wouldn't think twice... well, this is a wound that seems to be pretty deep. By taking it personal you have turned his wound into a deprecating situation. He will feel diminished for having been hurt and showing his feelings. If you want him to protect himself against you and for him to see you like his ex, go ahead and keep making this an emotional sore spot for you. It doesn't matter if you did it to him or not and life is NOT fair so get over it and just help him.
If you really love him you won't be concerned about how this affects you so much as you will be concerned with him healing and being whole. Once that happens and time has proven that you are not her... then you will have won a much bigger battle.
Obviously, this is his baggage. By taking it personal you have lumped yourself in with his ex. Think of it as a flesh would and just help it heal.
2007-12-13 09:17:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
His ex was probably not money hungry and in love too. But in divorces, some people become very bitter and vicious. He has experienced that. I can't see what price you are paying though, other than you don't have your name on the deed. I tolerated cheating on my first marriage, it was horrible, and the next time I made it very clear no cheating, not once, or it's goodbye. I don't think I was asking for retribution.
2007-12-13 09:36:49 · answer #3 · answered by Johanna 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I would be offended. You are not his ex - and yes things happen in your life that may hurt and make your eyes open more - but if you are married, you have to share. If you are working, you will be sharing the expenses and cleaning. It is supposed to be a partnership - not that he is afraid of what you might get later. If you are not comfortable with it now, you will be less comfortable when you are married. It can create problems and resentment.
2007-12-13 10:00:53 · answer #4 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
beloved~you have to love the good and bad about a person..and that includes their emotional baggage and issues. I encourage you to let go of the offense and just be the sort of wife that he doesnt have to worry about 'getting him'. Help him work through his trust issues. Get God involved (if you believe in Him). Love is accepting a person where they are..and sacrificing to help them become better.
2007-12-13 09:15:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough call, he could just want all this for u b4 he says I do, or he's watching his a** so u can't take him to the cleaners, if it's that then yes I'd be offended and I'd think twice about marrying a man already thinking of divorce.
2007-12-13 09:13:51 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Pure Evil♥ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I would be offended. But you love him and you understand that he has been hurt before. With time, he will learn to trust you more. Just keep being your sweet self!
I would sit him down and tell him that you are not her, and that in order for the relationship to be as good as it can be, he needs to recognize that.
My husband dated a horrible girl before he came to me, and had all sorts of trust issues. But through hard work and love, we worked through them. But there were times I would get so annoyed and say: "I'm not her!"
We all have baggage. Forgive him for it, provided he acknowledges it and will work on it.
2007-12-13 09:14:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can understand him being so guarded, but if you love him work through it and things will be okay. You have to put yourself in this shoes. Granted, your not his ex wife but speaking from experience, divorce can leave a bitter taste in your mouth and empty pockets! Good luck to you both.
2007-12-13 09:13:34 · answer #8 · answered by Nikki 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would feel offended but why dont you say to him that you want to contribute and help you want to do this together as its a relationship and you want to start over together.
2007-12-13 09:16:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you kinda have to understand his postion and what he went through so me personally i might be a little bit, but then i'd unsdertand where he's coming from. if you feel that offended by it then have him put it in both of you names eh? you know the saying "it takes one to ruin it for all of us!"
2007-12-13 09:14:17 · answer #10 · answered by lady_moe310 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋