when i first met my wife I found her georgous..the most beautiful thing I ever saw..she had a few self-esteem problems because of the way (others saw her) so she wasnt a size 5..she's what ppl called "fat" but I didn't care...I thought she was beautiful and I had to have her..after we got together and got married she used to tell me I made her feel like the person she always wanted to feel like..a beautiful person..now after two years I have ran into a delima...all of a sudden she started hating the way she looked...started going on binge diets where she would fast for a long time..2 and 3 days at a time. She wants to lose weight and wear makeup now...but that is not beautiful to me. I want her just the way she is...how can I change her mind? What have i done to make her self esteem drop again..? I want to be the best husband I can...but I dont want her to change anything...please some advice?
2007-12-13 08:52:03 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What could be making her want to change who she is? Why doesnt she understand that I think she is perfect the way she is????!!!
2007-12-13 08:53:31 · update #1
U just make sure she knows u fell in love w/ the person she is. Tell her u can careless on how she looks. If she wants to improve her physical appearance let her, it will help her w/ the insecurities she has about herself. U just keep reminding her that shes beautiful no matter what!
2007-12-13 08:57:35 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Pure Evil♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people who marry think they marry a person who will stay the same for life, but being human makes people change, and so do hormones, so do peers, so does employment, etc. but the fact is that we all change with time. It's unreasonable to expect that a person's looks will stay the same throughout life.
A woman gains self esteem by looking the best she can. Now that she realizes she could look better she wants to do that and you are holding her back. When a man says he likes a woman the way she is that pretty much means he's a cheapskate and doesn't want to pay for her to be her best. What you "thought" was that you were giving her self esteem when you weren't. You need to check why you would tell a plain woman that she's plain and expect her to feel good about that. She knows better. Her selfesteem has grown, not dropped. If you want her to stop learning then you will have to argue that with nature and not with her. Not eating for a couple of days is healthy not hurtful. And makeup hides flaws. Why would you want her flaws to show? Those flaws make her feel badly. I suspect that when you said that you liked her the way she was that she thought you were talking about her as a person inside.
2007-12-13 09:03:22 · answer #2 · answered by sophieb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is not that she wants a companion to see her as beautiful, she wants to BE beautiful.
The way society has it defined, it is a size 2, blond and big breasts.
If you really love her you will support her cause and help her feel the acceptance she feels with you outside of the home. Even though you may be a safe haven, she is still aware that she is not good looking to others.
Solidify her love for you by helping her diet in a healthy way. Ask her if she would go to the gym with you and that will help increase your matabolism and a host of other bennies.
Get on board with this because it transcends you. Help her achieve her larger goals and she will adore you.
You may want to get her to a counselor so that she can learn to assess herself in a much more healthy way. Physical health and beauty is only the first step. She will need to redefine her self image. Let her know that a fitness trainer and mental trainer are things that pro athletes often have.
Starving yourself won't work anyway... you need discipline and exersize to achieve the goals she is reaching for.
2007-12-13 09:09:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple, do whatever it is you did when you first met. Its not your fault. She just perhaps needs a little ego boosting. Could there be something that is troubling her? Talk to her and tell her the way you feel. Tell her she is beautiful without the aid of makeup and diets. Tell her you love her natural beauty and not the mask or cosmetics she puts over her face. Tell her she is better than all the women in the world because she doesn't need those things.
Something must have made her feel inferior. You have to make her feel like she once did.
Sex is a major part of it all too. Could your sex life be suffering as a result of her insecurity? Make love to her and make her feel like the sexiest woman alive.
With time and patience, things should revert to normality.
2007-12-13 09:01:19 · answer #4 · answered by Angelita Amante 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she wants to lose some weight. okay so you dont' like how she's going about it binging for 2 or 3 days and there might be another way she can do it. but you can't force her to not want to take care of herself. yes in your eyes she's fine but she doesnt' feel fine with the extra weight so support her in a healthy way.
Could it be your insecure of losing her so if she gets to thin and puts makeup on you feel she will be more prettier to others and then your afraid you won't match up with her. Perhaps its something your feeling so as long as you can keep her on the heavier side you feel more secure too.
I think you both have security issues to some degree. if you can understand its healthy for her to try to better herself and know she will still love you no matter if she's thin or big you should then be okay and secure enough in your relationship to allow her to do this.
If you listen to her words you mentioned above its more imporant you keep showing her that you made her feel like the person she always wanted to feel like..a beautiful person.
Even if she loses a bit of weight you keep loving her the way you always have she will just be more radiant looking . she loves how you treat her the dieting part is more for her on the inside how she feels.
You wouldn't want her to change something you wanted to do badly right. and say no you can't change.
So i would try and be supportive and not think that if she gets thin and puts makeup she will look more pleasing to others. its YOU She loves.
2007-12-13 16:59:41 · answer #5 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is she fake for wanting to make some self-improvements? Losing weight is a good thing. Wearing makeup is a lift. She is constantly bombarded by the media on what is beautiful, and that will have an effect. Maybe you should try to be supportive rather than criticizing her for trying to make some changes. Are you afraid she'll look too good and leave you?
2007-12-13 09:00:43 · answer #6 · answered by Johanna 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why not try a moisturiser which gradualy builds up a tan. I'm using Nivea sunkissed skin and I noticed after only 3 days of using it that it was making a real difference. You can't go wrong, it's subtle and even looking, so no streaks. And it also softens yor skin while tanning, something that won't happen if you get a spray tan! It's also a lot cheaper!
2016-05-23 10:26:43 · answer #7 · answered by kendra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's just a lack of self-confidence. You saw what was on the inside, not the outside and I think that's wonderful. It's great that you don't want to change her because that usually doesn't happen. Maybe she has a bout of depression. Women do get moody.. LOL! Just reassure her that you love her and that's she's beautiful to you. You sound like a wonderful husband and koo doos to you!! Good luck.
2007-12-13 08:59:47 · answer #8 · answered by Nikki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This has nothing to do with you she is seeing herself differently now and has realized that she has been overweight and well unhealthy for most of her life and wants to change for her health and well-being. Be supporttive let her do what she needs to do join a gym together let her know that you love her for her and nothing will ever change that be it a few pounds and some make-up. Do not let this drive you apart she wants to be with you for a longtime and figures she should lose a few pounds to make it a reality. If she wants to be fit let her it is technically better to be fit and trim then lazy and overweight.
2007-12-13 09:06:22 · answer #9 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is keep reassuring her that you love her just the way she is. Obviously she's got some issues with the way she looks and those issues can only be fixed by her. She has got to learn to love herself and accept herself for who she is. True beauty is on the inside so that's where she needs to do some work.
2007-12-13 09:00:25 · answer #10 · answered by faith 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋