He said I am very closed minded, and people are having open marriages all the time. I do love him, but these are totally against my vows, morals, beliefs, and worse of all, the truth that I want to raise my kids in. I can stand a lot, but this is too much. How should I handle this situation? He already cheated last Thursday, and is going to continue to do so w/several, it's like a sport to him. I am sooooo afraid of STD's...crazy women that may follow him home. The image I am showing my kids. I have 3 and I know it's going to be hard to be a single mom, but I don't know what else. I did think of staying, but don't think I have enough strength to do so. Please help
2007-12-13 08:34:19 · 74 answers · asked by sassy lady 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your best option is to get out while you can. I mean I am not a big supporter of divorce or anything, but if this is going against your morals and values, love yourself and your three kids enough to let him alone. If he wanted a relationship like this he should have never married you. That is crazy. Best of luck to you
2007-12-13 08:38:25 · answer #1 · answered by ?? yaddajean ?? 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound to me like you are the one walking away here. He already did. I do not think for a second that you are close minded! I agree wholeheartedly! I also want you to know that I think that it takes more courage to walk away with three kids and be woman enough to show them that this is not how a marriage should be. If he has already told you that he has cheated and is going to continue to do so, not only does he not love you, but he does not respect you.
It is better to be alone, then be betrayed.
Good Luck and be strong.
2007-12-13 08:42:15 · answer #2 · answered by Amy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband is awful...and I can only imagine what kind of parenting/society you grew up with that made you accept this and see this as love. He is selfish and immature. This seems to be such a growing epidemic of morals and values declining. You seem a decent soul, should find hubby more at meditation group/church (though not a 100% guarantee).
Look it's just like emotional murder to do to you and he knows you're in a vulnerable position with three kids so he knows you can't do anything.
There's got to be more to this story! You must have had an idea of his wild ways? He didn't just wake up one a male whore. Did you think by having kids he would grow up? Some do, this one just got wilder!
And you're right to worry about STDs, I got HPV (warts) and a friend had herpes and we both wore condoms! You see, we forget male testes aren't covered by condoms and touch girls lesh in all that motion. My past one night stand didn't show any signs BUT Dr. said people can microscopic shedding and spread. Nobody thinks disease is going to happen to them. I know so many guys my age with something, lucky for them 80% or so don't show symptoms. My new gf luckily hasn't tested positive for HPV. I heard a rare % are immune.
Get a good therpaist and have your family&friends help you out sweetheart. This is hard with three kids and when you love a man. But one day, like that Tori Amos song "Winter" when you gonna love you as much as I do. I'm a stranger and I love you more than you love yourself right ow. Don't settle for that poo head!!!
Men like him just don't change. He needs TIME and HARD KNOCKS in life before he gets any morals or spiritual fiber in his body. Ge him for every penny you can and have kids stay with him all weekend, while you go out and find good man. It'll be a challenge, but you can do it. Lots of good men out there who got shafted by promiscuous or money grubby wife and he'll probably come into the relationship with a kid or kids.
And when your future ex has the kids on the weekend, reality will start to hit him!
2007-12-13 09:31:43 · answer #3 · answered by Jack Bent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel this is a marriage worth saving, then it is time you two sat down and really started talking. What's really driving this behavior? See if he would be open to seeing a marriage councelor.
But you must speak up. It's time to stand up for yourself and express your feelings. He needs to understand that you will not tolerate him cheating on you, not for one minute.
If he is unwilling to sit down and talk, and he is unwilling to reconsider, then you need to get yourself a divorce lawyer. No one wants to be single mom raising 3 kids. But if he won't reconsider and work with you on your marriage, then you are doing yourself and your kids a disservice. A good divorce lawyer will help ensure your financial situation is addressed. Good friends and a therapist will help you put your life back together. Be strong.
2007-12-13 08:51:37 · answer #4 · answered by BeverlyAnn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you stay with him...he knows he has you in his hand. Don't do it! Please...please...please leave ASAP. I know it's the holidays, but you can have a wonderful holiday without him. You don't want STD's at all. Don't sleep with him, even if he sweet talks you. You don't know if he's using protection. All you will think of is him with other women. Being a single mom isn't bad...it's hard...but it makes you stronger as a person. I know...I left my fiance 2 weeks after my daughter was born. I've never been stronger. If it's not your beliefs..then he's not your soul mate. Be strong and best of luck to you!
2007-12-13 08:39:35 · answer #5 · answered by Yep...Me! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is he going through some sort of wild mid-life crisis or something? Bought any sports cars recently?
I think counseling is in order here. Immediately.
If you and a counselor can't talk him back to reality then I don't see that you have any choice but to remove him from the home and then just do your best to raise your kids.
Sounds like something is wrong with your man - like he's gone out of his mind or something. Send him to a doctor and a shrink. If he won't go, then you've got to get him out of there. You can't have this around your children.
2007-12-13 08:47:25 · answer #6 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first thought to this is leave him, get out NOW!! you dont want your boys(if you have any) to treat there future wives like he does you or your girls to think its ok for a man to cheat on them. But if you want to stay, you need to make him not want to go and see other women. Do thing out of your confort zone to suprise him in bed and he should stick around longer. But seriously you dont need this, get all your things and your kids and just leave. You will do fine, and yes you might struggle a bit but its all possible with god by your side. There is nothing wrong with being a single mother and trust me your kinds to learn to appreaciate this in the future. Good luck.
2007-12-13 08:45:04 · answer #7 · answered by JO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in one of those kinds of marriages that he wants. It's not for everyone. BOTH spouses must be in it for it to work. You are obviously NOT into it, and all that does is destroy a marriage. You really have a few choices here:
1. Tell him that it's either them or you (while having a private investigator get proof of his infidelity) and prepare for divorce.
2. Somehow convince him to seek therapy.
3. Stay and put up with it for the kids (but be unhappy yourself.)
2007-12-13 08:41:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and tell him that this is not something you are willing to compromise on. If he still chooses to live this lifestyle, tell him you will leave him.
Also tell him you hope he has a little money leftover at the end of the month for food after he gets done paying his child support for 3 children :)
2007-12-13 08:50:33 · answer #9 · answered by Mom_of_3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have legitimate fears and concerns-I would not tolerate that either-or ever have sex with him again!I was a single Mom of 3 for 11 years-you can do it!I have since remarried and never been happier for the last 10 years-
2007-12-13 08:45:31 · answer #10 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋