I hv been w/ my b/f for 4 yrs. I'm a single mom & I don't collect child spprt from my dau dad. I have a good job but with daycare, rent, bills, car payment, I'm pretty limited. My b/f on the other hand has a lot of money, he has a big 5 bdrm house in an upper class neighborhood, he drives a BMW & owns 2 othr cars, he has a condo in vegas. He's finacially well off. I don't expect him to pay my blls but smtimes he see's that I'm struggling finacially & he never offers to help me out. On the otherhand, whenever I have money I am splendid w/him & buy him things,I do everything for him, I cook, go clean his house, iron his clothes, buy his kids things when I have extra money, last year for x-mas I bght him a $100 gift and he didn't give me anythng. I didn't really mind, but this year for x-mas he asked me how much I was spending on his gift so that he can but me smthing of equal value, why shld that matter? if I had more money, I wld buy him smthng nice regrdlss of wht he cld affrd 2 buy me
2007-12-13 08:18:19 · 20 answers · asked by lisame 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it's not that I expect him to buy me things,nor do i want him to give me things w/his money. However I pay for most of the times we go out to dinner, because since I "suggested" we go out to dinner, that means I am paying- we have tooken 2 vacations which i have paid for, I am not materialistic nor am i out for his money- but I don;t understand if i am so generous /him and i am limited w/my money, why is he so the opposite w/me? the last girlfriend he had he bought her a mercedes and paid her rent- so i know he's not cheap w/everyone- and i don't expect a mercedes nor for him to pay my rent, but yes, after all i do for him it would be nice to get spoiled at least just a little,in 4 years he hasn't even bought me flowers-as for the x-mas gift, if I had more money than him, I would not ask him how much money he was going to spend on me for christmas, I would just buy him something I know he will like, reaguardless of the amount of money he was going to spend on me.
2007-12-13 08:46:38 · update #1
He is taking advantage of you and your situation, ask for child support from your ex, and keep any extra money for yourself.
Stop supporting your boyfriend.
Why?? He is a selfish brat who wants everything to himself!!! He does not want to "waste" his money or his time on you!!!!
Please wake up and smell the coffee, he is such a brat!!!! You do not deserve him. If he really loved you, then he would be offering to support you and your children, hasn't it struck a cord with you as to why he is being so selfish with his money.
You are too nice, you need a backbone and you need to stop supporting him, and keep your extra money when you have it, and start asking your ex for child support.
This man, your boyfriend, has so much money he can afford his own person to do his laundry, his own mechanic, and his own cook, honey, he can afford the world!!!! But YOU are not seeing any of his world, you are just nothing to him but a little maid who he loves to take advantage of.
Some rich people are like that, they spend money on themselves, but they are super cheap and super stingy and they take advantage of poor people who are just like you, with your heart on your sleeve ready at a moments notice to do anything and everything for him.
He has NEVER given you some of his loot, now, has he, he has just given you his meal plan and his dirty shorts!!!!!
2007-12-13 08:29:59 · answer #1 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, he's somewhat wealthy but a tightwad with his money. You can try talking to him about this, but if you're uncomfortable after four years together or he doesn't understand, then you have to accept this. You can't try to change someone that doesn't want to be.
What did you fall in love with him for? I'm sure part of him worries you might be their just for his much better economic status, so he's putting his foot down firmly to not pay for your choices that got you in the position you are in. Maye when you try so hard to do "everything" for him, it makes him suspicious or respect you less. He sees you more in a subservient position like a maid/babysitter/escort, etc. *Maybe for you, you feel doing all those things equates that he should help you with your bills or nice gifts...maybe in some relationships this is understood to help each other, but this guy may feel strings are attached, you can't just expect money from him, he probably resents that and has been used before or knows the potential for that. How was his ex?
Look either talk to him about this or if you don't or he doesn't change after a few talks, either accept it (if other good things in the relationship are strong enough) or leave him (he's a selfish, ignorant tightwad).
*Do you really want to be with someone who financially is a teet for tat. You give this amount and I give the exact amount back, though I make that much more? It's such a petty, lame way of doing things. I think he's selfish and it makes him more powerful, and he doesn't change because you enable him by letting him continue to do this and he obviously likes you but doesn't really respect you. He's probably bitte from his past relationships. Sometimes men like this will shower a young, blonde, trophy girl with gifts so be careful. He is giving you a red flag that you aren't that valuable to him. UNLESS it's pure ignorance, bu a talk should deal with that. I mean he could have learned form his parents to give what he gets? So he 's till in the stone age...see if he's trainable. If not, way whether you like this guy enough to accept that. Do mantra to Lakshmi daily for your own material blessings, along with the hard work you already do
2007-12-13 09:02:17 · answer #2 · answered by Jack Bent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A better question is why do women feel entitled to things that aren't theirs? If you didn't feel that way, you wouldn't have asked: "I don't expect him to pay my blls but smtimes he see's that I'm struggling finacially & he never offers to help me out." Are you listening to yourself?
You ought to find representation and re-think your idea of not receiving child support. You obviously need the money and shouldn't be spending it on him or his kids. He doesn't owe you anything and you are clinging to this guy hoping he's going to sweep you off your feet. In the meantime, you life is flying by waiting for something that may never come. Be personally accountable and make some good decisions.
"can it be he doesn't really care for me?" So spending money means he cares? Honestly, I'm with your boyfriend on this one. He has his head on straight and you don't. Put together a vision of your future where you aren't dependent upon others and get your priorities aligned.
Godspeed.
Per additional details: Are you sure he's not a Tom Leykis listener? Your boyfriend seems to be following the Leykis 101 Rules whether he knows it or not. Listening to Tom will show you how men think.
My tone is purposely confrontational to inspire self examination. Also, it doesn't surprise me to see all the male bashing females reply to your question. It is disappointing, but expected... :-(
2007-12-13 08:34:38 · answer #3 · answered by TheTotalStud_StudTotal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a nice house and a nice car. He may make a good chunk of change, but most of what he makes could be going to pay for all those nice things he has and at the end of the cycle, he hasn't much left to give.
He's your Boy friend, not husband. He really has no finacial obligation to you. Maybe he wants to see where your heart truely lies, with him, or his money....not to sound like an a$$, but it sounds to me you have more interest in what he can give you monetarily/materialistically than in love.
Good luck
2007-12-13 08:37:35 · answer #4 · answered by Sean C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holy crap why aren't you living with him four yrs he should have proposed by now it appears to me and probably many other's that you his maid and casual sex thing. He has no desire to have you live with him or he would have mentioned it already maybe tell this guy your going to spend like a grand then get him a box of twinkies and tell him that is for the **** you've been giving me for the last 4yrs. Really he is taking advantage of you this sounds more like a employer and employee relationship then a real relationship.
Really tell him that you were hoping for something shiny and possibly a commitment because you are tired of this
dead-end fling. Stop buying his kids stuff it sounds like he can more then afford to buy his kids stuff since your financially strapped for cash.
You are his maid! Wake up and smell the coffee?.
2007-12-13 08:29:48 · answer #5 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think he is scum, get rid of him.....everybody likes to be a little spoiled by there man every once in a while. My goodness its not that hard to have flowers sent to you in appreciation for everything that you do....it takes a minute to pick up the phone and call. I agree with the guy that said to buy him Twinkies =)... jerk, that's what he deserves, better yet I wouldn't by him sh*t.
Oh yes and stop cleaning his house and making him dinner. he's a grown man he can do all that for him self,or he can pay you for your maid services since he has so much money.
2007-12-13 09:00:19 · answer #6 · answered by MJ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It does appear as if you are with a guy who is cheap and stingy. Money and possessions means a lot to him, it means more to him than you do. It is insensitive of him to expect you to buy him a gift when you are already struggling to make ends meet. Either learn to live this way or get rid of the stingy boyfriend.
2007-12-13 08:48:14 · answer #7 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a cheapskate. He has no incentive to do anything since you are giving so much. You cannot buy him. Stop being his maid, cook, and gift basket. Base your relationship on mutual respect and friendship. He is using you. He has quite a bit of nerve to ask you how much you are spending so he knows how much to spend. What a jerk.
2007-12-13 09:12:34 · answer #8 · answered by Johanna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he gives you is not as important as how he treats you. If he treats you like a princess and loves your kids, then don't expect him to buy you things or give you money. He probably just doesn't think you need him to.
But if he doesn't treat you well either, then get rid of him.
2007-12-13 08:31:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should NOT buy him anything. The money you waste on him you should save it for your son. Furthermore, a decent man DOES NOT compare gift prices (that is classless and tasteless) and I don't think he respects you a lot. Case closed.
2007-12-13 09:45:18 · answer #10 · answered by ✿Houston_Girl✿ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋