Is it wise to recieve marriage counseling before marrying? Why or why not?

Question

1 What profession are you both in?
2 How long did you date prior to marriage?
3 First marriage?
4 What age were you both at the time of marriage?
5 How many years of marriage?
6 Happily married?

Please share your story and write as much as you like.

Thank you

Fine Print: Do not insult me. I will not accept it. This is just a question.

Answer 1

My husband and I had counseling, and it was a good thing. The priest asked about things we never would have thought about, and he noticed patterns in our conversation that we ignored - when one of us got aggravated about something, etc. I strongly believe in it.

He was in quality assurance (he's passed away) and I was a lawyer.
we knew each other since childhood, but dated for 15 months before marrying
He was married before, I was not
I was 29, he was 37
We were married 12.5 years when he had a heart attack and died.
Oh hell yes, we were happy. We were the envy of most of our friends - they still comment on how happy we were, and he's been gone 8 years.

Answer 2

It is unwise to marry without doing the pre-marital counseling.

It is very wise to look at all the things that might be an issue down the road. It's good to enter into this with your eyes wide open and with fairly complete communication.

You could avoid a lot of problems going forward. You also might find out that you're not right for each other or you'll get confirmation that marriage is a real good idea.

You'll learn what you need to work on. And if you do the work, you'll be more likely to stay married a long time.

Remember, most marriages end in divorce anyway. For the most part, I say, "Why bother?" I know that sounds cynical but it's true. So if you're going to do it, do it right and make it a long lasting thing.

I think you should be together for no less than five years before you marry. I think you should be at least 25 years of age. I think you should wait at least five years into the marriage before you have a child. Better if you can go ten.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

it's a great idea. it helps you learn to communicate better with your spouse, lets you talk openly and safely about your expectations of marriage and each other, and it can even bring to light some issues that you never knew were there. my husband and i did it, but i was going through a rough time personally too, so we felt it was best for both of us to go before we got married. to your questions:

1 What profession are you both in?
we both recently graduated (did therapy while in school) - he's an associate software engineer and i'm an assistant editor.

2 How long did you date prior to marriage?
4 1/2 years

3 First marriage?
yes

4 What age were you both at the time of marriage?
both 22

5 How many years of marriage?
6 mos (i know, still early!)

6 Happily married?
absolutely

Answer 4

Yes it's wise. There are so many issues that young couples will never think about on their own. Being exposed to them in advance and talking them over with a good counselor can make it much easier to face them when they occur.

1 What profession are you both in? Computer professional
2 How long did you date prior to marriage? 3.5 years
3 First marriage? Yes
4 What age were you both at the time of marriage? 22 & 20
5 How many years of marriage? 24
6 Happily married? Yes

Answer 5

My husband and I married at 22, after being together for a year. We do pre-marriage counseling, it was a requirement to get married in our church, and yes, it was a good idea.
It got us to talk about matters we may not have thought to discuss by ourselves, about our priorities :-
Whether to have children, how many, and how to raise them.
What religion means to us?
How important is money, and where do we spend it. Who decides what is a priority? Do we both want the same sort of things?
How do we deal with disputes? How to argue a point without just arguing.
You will be surprised that, no matter how well you think you know a person, they can still surprise you. But we found ourselves to be compatible in most things, and willing to work on those that we didn't quite see eye to eye.
We are married 23 years now. Mostly happily (any one who tells you it never gets hard is living in Cuckoo land)

Answer 6

It's a great idea!
Get some objective Q&A going.
We didn't do counseling, we went to Engaged Encounter. Really good class.

We are both degreed Engineers. I have an MS EE; she an MS in Management. I work for the Space program (not a civil servant); she is a Financial Advisor for a well known brokerage firm.
We dated for a couple semesters and were engaged long distance for 2-1/2 years.
My first, her third. She married young, twice, trying to improve her life.
We were both 26 when we finally got married.
Been married almost 21 years
Happily married now, but not always so. We struggled for a long time; didn't have much to call good role models for relationships. Both our parents were divorced several times.

Answer 7

I would say absolutely!

1. management/ business owner
2. 4 years
3. yes
4. 22/ 23
5. 10
6. yes

we did premarriage counseling - it was required through the church. It was helpful...we did a day retreat for couples too. we both agreed after that it was helpful although dreaded going at 1st.

We argue but have never had a true fight. Marriages take understanding, love, friendship, cooperation, respect & communication on both peoples part.

We do not lie to eachother, we talk a lot.
I consider him my best friend...he is so much more too.

I think premarital counseling is great and especially in this day in age it could be helpful.

Answer 8

Yes, it's definitely a good idea. If you plan on marrying through a church then a marriage course is a prerequisite. I'm married and did the course and then we also had to interview with our priest. The whole process really helped. Great experience. I fully recommend doing something similar. Marriage is a huge step and easily warrants some prep work.

Answer 9

My husband is a farmer,I am a house wife,we dated for 1 year before we married,we were 17 &19,so yes it was our first,we have been married now for 13 years and are still crazy for each other,we did go for marriage counseling before we wed,it was great,some things we never thought to talk about were brought up,things we could'nt make disissions on were agreed upon,very eye opening!!!

Answer 10

Absolutely a good idea. They get in to getting you guys to discuss things you haven't thought about and make sure your emotions aren't in complete control with no practical thought of marriage whatsoever. There is a realistic side to marriage that newbies may not be aware of - it's not all just romance and love. I'm still waiting to get "license to wed" so I can see that, btw :). My personal situation isn't that important, but I was married for 5 years.