What should I do?

Question

Im married and have been for 3 years next week We got married when i was 19, now 22 we bought a house 2 years ago an now i feel like im trapped, i have never got anymoney, and i mean every penny i earn goes strat to the bills account my husband works shifts and i never really see him. I started to feel like im not in love with him any more and just want out of it all, we dont have sex and havnt for a few months, i dont no whether its the pressure but wen im at home on my own in the evenings i just feel really depressed and like crying all the time.. I dont know whether i want to be with him anymore, and dont know wat to do ...... I cant talk to him because he would just end the relationship if he thinks i dont love.... I really dont know what else to do.

If you have not got serious advice dont bother answering the question people dont ask these things to have sarcastic idiots thinking there funny posting stupid answers.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I think a lot of couples feel this way a few years into the marriage. People have to work at keeping their relationship exciting. There are many sites you can read stuff to do to keep your relationship going and you dont neccesarily need money for it either. I think the finances makes your problem even worst. You guys married really young which is to say you were probably not financially settled causing the financial struggles now.

May be you can get a free counselor somewhere, go and discuss this on some forums about relationships so to see what people in your situation did.

You need to talk to him, dont tell him that you dont love him. Just talk to him about how you feel you guys are distant and feel like you're losing the spark in the relationship. I'm sure you both love each other its just that the spark died over time and you guys are getting distant.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope whatever you do, it'll make you both happy.

Answer 2

I feel sorry to hear this and I could really feel your unhappiness. But I admire you both getting married at a relatively young age - it shows you two are serious about having a long term relationship, and the fact that you bought a house really impressed me too.

Don't give up as yet. I think the biggest problem is money at the moment. I'm sure you already thought about these: can he or you find another job which goes with the other person? so you will be at home the same time?

You said it'll be 3 years anniversary next week, have you planned anything special? try to make this a special occasion to cheer him up, and make it a time when you both can talk. Come up with some suggestions when you talk, men are usually not very creative in their answers. Also be patient and slow to anger.

Ask him about his work, I think he needs your support too. he needs you to care about him and make him feel strong enough to move on.

As for you, are you able to find additional work to make ends meet? it will release the pressure abit.

I know how you feel when you said you wanted to cry all the time. I was like that when I didn't feel needed or loved. I felt lonely and lost. You felt very distant from him emotionally although he was sleeping right next to you. What I will usually do is pray. I know this is very personal but I do find it comforting talking to the Lord about my problems. Also try talking to a pastor at church.

you don't feel you're in love with him because your love is overwhelmed by all the issues in life, and you seem to be the person in the house to sort them out. You must be tired.

Take care of yourself and God bless.

Answer 3

I think it is the stress of it all ... because you mentioned that you do not get to see him a lot ... which means you miss him, which means there is still love there!!!

I realize that there seems to not be a lot of money and honestly that is one of the biggest marriage killers!! You and your husband need to find time for just the two of you. There are plenty of things you can do that do not require money!! You can go and have a romantic dinner in the park ... who cares if dinner is peanut butter and jelly!!! It is just that you and your husband are together and connecting to one another!!!

Financial stress is so difficult ... it's no wonder that you are not interested in having sex!! I mean how sexy is it to be thinking of bills ... I personally am not turned on by that!!!

You need to decide whether or not you want this to work ... and look beyond the financial situation. That can be changed one day ... but the love for each other stays you know!

If you truly feel that this is not what you want anymore ... and think long and hard about it ... than walk. But just make sure you know what you are leaving before you do that!!!

Answer 4

Here's the thing. I married when I was 18 and three years later we bought our first house in San Francisco..... Our mortgage is a seemingly never ending amount of zeros, sometimes we have to eat .99 tacos at jack in the box for breakfast lunch and dinner, our cars are used, we are over worked and tired all of the time (and we don't have kids.... I don't know how people do it!) Sometimes I just want to say I quit! What happened to the good ole days of drinking all night and sleeping all day? Staying up way too late playing vidoe games and making love on the shower? Somewhere along the lines being a gorwn up happened, it snuck up on us and it happened too quickly- we didn't know it was going to be this hard. And we are still kids really, we thought it would be so fun to play house that we gave up our last years of freedom for a house and love. It's so easy to feel trapped.... this is all there is to life? Working 50 hours a week to live on nothing and never see my husband or have time to have fun for 40 years until you can retire then die shortly after? Sucks eh? You can look at it like that and feel suffocated and ready to put your running shoes on, or you can remember that life is what you make it. You two do sound like you have a communication problems since you are afraid of his reaction to how you feel. You should start by working on that, but you really have to be honest with him and yourself. Really think about how you feel and what you should do before you just give in to whatever is easier and more fun NOW, the future is still coming which ever path you choose.

Answer 5

DON'T PANIC! STOP!

These are just normal thoughts when you are both working hard to make ends meet; you never see each other, when you do one or the other is tired and grumpy.

The solution is to make time for yourselves don't start out with any unrealistic expectations that this will turn around over night, it won't, and when things are better you can't revert to your old ways, you will both need to work as hard at your relationship as you do making ends meet.

Really simple solutions are cheap to but contribute huge value to your relationship;

when you do meet, arrange a time to spend just 20 minutes together, before either of you go to bed is good. Get some baby oil (cheaper than massge oil and just as effective) and give him or have him massage you all over. It's the contact you crave and it's very stimulating and sexy; altough if you are both tired the massager may find the massagee fast asleep expect this to happen.

Get some bubble bath and get in the tub together; better with a bottle of wine and some music and candles but hey it's all good.

A walk in the fresh air helps too, it doesn't matter what time of day or night it is, walking along with the one you love hand in hand is great and you dont have to be in some picture postcard location either.

I am sure that from what you have said that you dont want to end the realtionship and that you do still love the guy; the circumstances are what you don't like not him; he sounds a decent hard working guy. Make time for each other - there are 24 hours in a day.

And talk to him, tell him of your fears and your hopes to spend more time together - don't ambush him as as soon as he gets home from work - take him for a walk, remain calm and discuss this properly it takes two to have a conversation, he will have his own thoughts too - try not to speak to him in such a way as to put him on his back foot, encourage him to talk too.

As for your depression in the evenings, try to do something, don't mope in front of the TV. Physical exercise will help with your state of mind, a brisk walk or a gentle jog; all these things get your pumped and will improve your state of mind. Increasing the fish in your diet also helps with depression as it is high in zinc (zinc tablets from your pharmacy are good too); you will find you sleep better too.

Good Luck

Answer 6

If you cannot talk to him about it because "he will just end the relationship...." then I think you already have your answer. It does not sound like much of a relationship at this point.
What were the things that brought the two of you together and what have you done with them?
It sounds like you are married to your house, and "stuff".
That is a miserable way to be.
If you really cannot share these feelings with him, then think about what matters to YOU. One person cannot hold it all together. The two of you have to be just as committed at fixing what is wrong or finding what is missing as you were at loving one another in the first place.
I wish you the best.
The best for me was to leave. He would have droned on with me until we were both part of the walking loveless dead.
He is now remarried and I hope happy.
I have never been happier in my entire life, nor more blessed in a loving relationship.

Answer 7

You and your husband need to rekindle your relationship. It is imperitave that you at least try! You married him for some reason and you need to think why that is. Then you need to fix the problem by switching your schedule or scheduling time for the two of you to just be together. Not watch tv or eat or sleep. DO THINGS!!! Go out and have a picnic, go to the zoo, get out of the house and see if you can find your happiness with him again. It is worth a try right? I mean, what if you leave him and you realize that you DO still love him? He might not take you back. Relationships take REAL effort!
Good Luck!
Dont listen to people who say you are too young, just because they didn't find love at you age doesn't mean your love is not real. Trust me. I was young too.

Answer 8

It sounds like you guys need to jump start your relationship. You said it yourself you feel like you havent seen him in months, how do you think you would feel because of that? Alone, sad, like your not in a relationship..those all seem like pretty normal things to me, The key to marriage is that you have to make it work, whether your bone tired, sick, have a million things to do, and dont have a minute to spare you have to work at it. You guys need to sit down with your schedules in front of you and say okay when are we both free? Plan a weekly date night and stick with it, go out and recapture those great being in love moments you shared in the beginning of the relationship. The love is still there, its just hiding under work pressures, bills, and money issues. Work at your marriage, devote everything you have left to getting the love back. You are lonely, understandable, take a look at your husband, im willing to bet hes lonely too. Reconnect with each other, and make it a point to be intimate on daily basis, even if its a kiss, no matter how tired you are, show eachother that you love eachother. I dont think marriages are based on how much love people have for one another during the good times, I think its how much love they had during the bad that really makes a marriage a success. Good luck! Work at it, its still there!

Answer 9

You need to ask him if you two can talk. If he gets home late at night, set your alarm clock at the time hes getting home so your up to talk. Then tell him you feel like your loosing him and you miss him alot. Ask him if you guys can set a day or night to go out on a date. Then you guys can get ree connected again Maybe if the house is to much of a stressor down size to a smaller house or look for a job that pays more. Good luck

Answer 10

Simply put, you need to grow up and deal with your grown up problems.

This is just a phase... or it should be. Are the two of you working towards clear goals of financial security? You should be. And if you are then you sacrifice now so that later you can live the good life. That's what being "adult" about your problems means.

Next you need to get out of the habit of feeling sorry for yourself. The best way to stop the "poor me" thinking, besides growing up, is to do some volunteer work and work towards a cause greater that your own self.

Next smile because you can do this. You dreams are worth the effort.