FEMALES am i over reacting or is she spoiled?

Question

Sorry this will be a bit long but want to try and get the whole story out to you. I am deployed right now and my wifes birthday is this month. I have boughten her very nice jewlery in the past such as 1/2 carat earing. 1 1/2 carat diamond ring. necklaces etc. I wanted to get her somethng nice for her birthday. She told me about this new perfume called euphoria but she didnt tell me that there was also eurphoria blossom. The place i went only had the blossom so not knowing any better trying to be a good man i bought the perfume and feeling great that i had gotten my wife something she was wanting. that was present one......then she asked for a necklace made out of gold that looked like a certain fish, she emailed me the pictrue and i got it hand made but i didnt know that the fish needed to hang in a certain direction.... so back to the perfume. The perfume she tells me is the wrong kinds and she does not like that stuff so i feel bad i got the wrong thing but she really lets me know

that she does not like it and says why cant you ever get me the right thing. ugh... then the fish pendent necklace that i had made for her is to big and hangs the wrong direction. She cant wear it cause the fish looks dead since it is not hanging in the right direction per her. I really thought i had done something by getting her something for her birthday since i am not in the states wehre i can just go get something whenever. I feel that she does not appreciate anything i get her she likes to point out that i cannont buy her anything that is what she wants. I feel that i at least tried. Most guys over here woould not have even put the effort forth. so do you think i am over reacting or is she a spoiled ungrateful wife?

Answer 1

You could be overreacting. It depends on how she responded. If she was gracious, then she is not spoiled. But if all she did was complain, then she is being a brat.

I think that both your gifts were very thoughtful, ESPECIALLY since you are deployed.

Answer 2

Well I am not trying to be judgemental, but I would say that yes, she is a bit spoiled. My husband has bought me perfume other than the kind I asked for, and I have accepted it and used it graciously...I mean, Euphoria Blossom doesn't smell bad by any stretch of the imagination.

It sounds like you made a very good effort to go to the trouble and ask her what she wanted...and you delivered. After all, there are quite a few perfumes out there for women with similar names and different variations of the same scent!

I am really surprised at the "problem" with the fish necklace, especially since you had it handmade!! To me, it doesn't matter if it faces left or right...

To be fair to your wife, she might be under stress from something else and is unfortunately taking it out on you.

But if that is not the case, um, yeah...I would say she is VERY high maintenance.

I guess I would tell you that in the future to ask questions like the full name of what she wants is, or if she has any particular preferences in color/the way it hangs/etc...

Answer 3

I think she is acting a little spoiled. Granted, it may not have been the EXACT one she wanted but unless she is allergic to it and it smeels like fish, there is no reason to not be gracious and accept the gift and the thought that went into it.
And the necklace thing, the fish is pointing in the wrong direction!!?? I just won't even go there. No wait, I will!!
You went out and had it hand crafted for her out of gold (which isn't cheap right now). What is not to love!! And it sounds like she really laid it to you about how it isn't what she really wanted. Maybe she is displacing her frustration about you being deployed on the 'incorrect' gifts you gave her but if she always acts like this..she needs a bit of a reality check.
I would just let her know a lot of thought went into these gifts and that you feel very hurt with her critisms when you thought you had triumphed and bought her the gifts of her dreams (ok, you don't need to put it quite like that). Or next time she wants or demands a gift, just wrap yourself in a bow and tell her a perfect and understanding husband is her gift. Maybe when she gets nothing she'll appreciate your gestures.
(I know it sounds really juvenile but that might be what she needs)
Good luck!

Answer 4

Being a military wife, especially today with extended and multiple deployments is really, really difficult, even for older couples that have been married for a long time.

Being deployed is really, really difficult, especially knowing that your wife is alone in a strange city while you're a million miles away.

I very much appreciate and am grateful for the sacrifice that both of you are making on my behalf and on behalf of the US.

It also sounds like you love each other very much. You are trying to show her how special she is to you by buying her expensive gifts and she is trying to show you how much she loves you by only asking for simple things that she needs to make daily living more comfortable.

I suggest you have her email you a list of things she needs/like and stick to it. She has a good point about having an expensive whatever and still having holes in her socks.

To your wife, all military bases have spouse support groups for spouses whose husbands are deployed. They're really excellent in a lot of places and all of the people in the group are in the same situation you are in.

It's obvious that you guys care about each other a lot and are in a really difficult situation.

This is little stuff - focus on loving each other and keeping your marriage strong and worry about your gift giving behavior after you're back together.

Answer 5

truth is u spoiled her from the begining. if u keep on buying her big, expensive jewlery, she will just expect to get more big, expensive jewlery. and when she wants something she will want it exactly the way she sees it, only because shes use to u getting her lavishing gifts. although, i have to say u are a really great husband to actually go out of ur way and get that gold necklace fish hand made, thats awsome. even if it wasnt exacly what she wanted she should be gratful that u went out of ur way to do that and to get it hand made, that shows u care a lot for her, and if she doesnt see that somethings wrong. well i hope this helps:)

Answer 6

Your wife sounds selfish and like it is "all about her". I don't think it is the end of the world, but I think you and she both need to realize she is unhappy in herself and there is not a damn thing you can do or give her that is going to fix that. SHE needs to be happy, then she can be a nice wife and partner. I think you may want to just send her a gift certificate in the future so she can pick out the thing she wants without making you feel badly. How she handled it sucked and I would talk to her about that. There is no reason in a marriage to say words like "never", to put your spouse down, etc. You are in a hugely stressful situation and she should be blown away that you care so much. So...I think you are right and she is acting like a jerk.

Answer 7

You sound like a guy whose aim is clearly, to please, perhaps at all costs? While I understand your wife's desire for something she wants, mistakes happen and she should accept them with a bit of grace (if not style). She sounds a tad bit spoiled if she was "upset" in any way shape or form and you felt it as seriously ("she really lets me know it") as you describe.

I believe after this is over, at some other point in time, you should let her know that a gift is given from the heart, not always perfect, but from the heart and WELL INTENDED. -That MISTAKES HAPPEN, that she should learn to smile with a little grace and say, "thanks honey, not quite on the mark, but thanks for thinking of me and trying so hard to please me..."

I lost the love of my life recently...the first 20 years of our marriage I got some interesting things...a lamp among other things. I finally had to teach this wonderful man about what I would like, it took another 5 years, but he got it down "pat".

I'd give anything to have him back, because it was always, about how much love we shared, being togeter, working out our difficulties and holding him close to me at night. Sorry, off on my own sadness...but I think you get my "drfit" of what truly matters and what doesn't. You remembered to give some thing, make your best attempt to do it right - and felt you not only missed the mark, but had it DRIVEN HOME a little harshly.

Like I said...you two need to have a chat about this for the future gift-giving situations...and you need to be honest and tell her you were pretty hurt - and she needs to listen and understand, that it often stops becoming about "the gift" and starts becoming about bad behavior, and how to correct that behavior.

You two are lucky...you have a second chance here to get it right...

Sincerely,

Grace

Answer 8

If anything it's just kind of mean that she would be so rude about it to you. The nicer thing would be to mention that it's not the right scent, and see if it could be returned. It would stink that you bought it and she won't wear it.

But, with the necklace, it's mean of her to do that. You had it made specially for her since I'm sure you can't get the exact one where ever you are. She needs to start realizing that things aren't so easy when your away, and she should be happy you had time to get her anything at all.

Answer 9

no youre not overreacting she was. if i were in your shoes and if she were to say to me "you never buy and do anything right." then thats a big wake up call. that yes maybe shes spoiled or doesnt realize how greatful that her husband TRIED! how were you suppose to know? you didnt know!

i wouldnt let this slide, i would confront her, write her an email expressing how you feel and how hurt you were. marriage is all about solving problems too and going to each other if one feels bad. don't let it slide or she'll do it again

Answer 10

Yeah she is spoiled, BY YOU. She should be happy she even get anything from you. I don't see no 1/2 carat earring on my ear.