getting ready to marry but family doesnt agree?

Question

well from the beginning i have been dating this girl off and on she is the love of my life and she loves me the same we have found new understanding in our relationship when we got back together i found out she was prego and then found out it wasnt mine i agreed to stay with her and call the baby my own her mother and family saw it different they have never met me but feel that she shouldnt be with me i never did anything to provoke them into that way of thought but instead took her daughter in when they were mistreating her at home... her mother told her not to bring me home for the holidays cus it would ruin her christmas and now her mother is calling my mother telling her all sorts of lie like im doing heroin and selling which i never touched in my life and telling my fiance that my mother said that my life was alot better with out her which is also a lie, keep in mind too that my mother is a ordain minister who has no reason to lie and her mother is a more worldly person, thanks

my mother is also diagnosed with cancer and is getting worse it seems and understand that her family is in ohio and im in arizona.... i am very happy with her im not pathetic and dont have any problems picking up women but i feel i can have a very happy life with this one just by the way we connect... her mother is very childish when i brought her back out here her mother threatend to take all her vicodin and slit her wrist it was so frustrating for the both of us, she has told her family to back off and does stick up for me... her mother wants her back with her ex, which isnt going to happen for one he's an ugly redneck and didnt treat he with the respect and dignity a women deserves because she isnt a child anymore and i try to tell her that to build confidence im just so confused with the situation im almost in tears in thoughts of her family breaking us apart.... how should i feel, say, think i dunno please help me!

Answer 1

your seeking to rescue her, first u need to find out if she truly wishes to be rescued. best wait and see on this relationship, and not commit until u know she loves u the same way as u love her. she needs to distance herself from this family, they seem to want to cause u alot of trouble.

Answer 2

Do not aggravate your mom. Keep your friend at a distance. You're the one in love with her, your family's moved on from her. This happens a lot, more than you realize. Your mom is sick and y'all should not add to her misery. Some folks wait until the parents are gone to start a relationship with someone they did not like. You may not have to go that far. I think your family has seen this girl hurt you many times and don't think it's the last time, they are concerned, especially now that there is a kid in the picture and you fell in love with her already. Next time she leaves, if she does, the hurt is twice as bad. I do hope for both of you that you can live happy ever after. I myself have one of those relationships, where I keep trying to look past what she's done the last time, to try to clear the path for the future. Sometimes I don't trust her and that is not a good feeling. Thing is lately she has been too good and I feel something is up with that. Is that not so sad?

Answer 3

I meet my husband when I was 3 months pregnant. (The guy ran as soon as i told him) Thank God there is people like you and my hubby that would accept a child that isn't biologically their. If you are a good person with good morals and feel you are going to be a great asset then go for it. You could really make a difference in this child's life if you are serious about starting a family. Just remember this child will love you regardless even if you aren't the real father.

My husband is my son's favorite person in the world. He has no idea yet (too young) but when he puts it all together he will realize what a great dad he truly has. We have another son of our own, and have the perfect little family. I don't regret a thing!

Don't listen to the her family BS. You know in your heart what you should do. And it sounds like you need to keep this child away from the grandmother....she sounds very unstable and for d*mn sure doesn't need to help raise this one.

Answer 4

How should you feel? No rules about this stuff. I imagine you should feel about like you do.

This is an effed up situation but I guess you've gathered that by now. So the girl likes you and she's supportive of you. That much is good. You and she need to sit down and figure this one out. I personally think she needs to cut the cord with the family. Have no contact. I'd stay away for at least a year, maybe two. Your g/f needs to set herself apart from the family. If she won't set the family aside for a time, I'm not sure there is any good future for the two of you.

The fact that her family is calling your family is very odd. That's sick. Her people are unstable and well worth avoiding. Sad that your g/f is from such people.

You two need to set some limits. If she cuts them off for a while, they'll get the idea. When she goes back, she needs to be ready to cut them off immediately at the first sign of a repeat performance of this crap. She will probably never be able to be close to her family if this is how they are.

Boundaries. That's what this is all about. Learn to set them. People will tend to treat you the way you expect them to. Increase the level of your expectation and maybe they'll live up to it but don't hold your breath. You're more than likely looking at seriously limiting your involvement.

I think you're dealing with addicts or drunks or mentally ill people. Something is going on there and you don't want it to be a part of your life.

Sit down with your g/f and talk this out. You don't need anyone's blessing or approval. Cut them off if you have to but you'll need to get your g/f to come up with that idea on her own. Talk it out until she figures it out.

Good luck.

Answer 5

What a mess, for some unknown reason I always fancied my self as a good adviser!
I'm not of course, I'm just a feller with a bit of experience in life!
If anyone asks a question like yours I just think of sitting in my local bar listening to a story, rather than sitting behind leather topped desk, with book racks full of Jung and co behind me!
OK I know what you want to hear, forget the families do your own thing, you love each other etc etc!!!
Sorry I cant do that!
You come across as a little puppy dog , she comes across as some thing different?
This opionion is just based on what you have told us, think a lot more, a great deal more!!

Answer 6

You are trying to "rescue" her whether you realize it or not, maybe in the hopes the gratitude turns to lovce then happily ever after.
It doesnt work that way son.You said you had been broken up and that she is pregnant with another man's child.
This guy will be in your life for the next 18 yrs and if he isnt he will be thrown up in your face by the child as it is growing up and by the mother if they disagree with your method of discipline.They will both say you arent her father!
You need to get a place of your own and her a place of her own and date with no sex or shacking for a yr and a half and see what happens then.If your still together and want to get married fine, if not then you are better off.

Answer 7

Well just know if your relationship can out stand this its really a strong, solid relationship. Your fiance is no longer a child and can make the decision of who to marry. That is one this your mother in law to be needs to know. With time I believe your mother in law to be will grow to accept your relationship and understand her daughter made the right choice for herself and her unborn grandchild. Your fiance needs to speak to her and explain to her that she is going to marry you and that you are much better than the ex she had before. Maybe her mother doesn't know the whole story about the ex, if not make sure your fiance tells her. And of course if all else fails, she could always threaten to not let her see her grandchild until she is civil with you.

Answer 8

go back to the holiday. It is a good time to show everyone who you are and expose your new mother in law what a ***** she is. Tell everyone that you mom is having cancer and she need to stop harassing her or you are going to sue. You love her daughter and willing to call her child yours. So just tell her to never call again if she wants to start a fight. Your mom is not in a good health. You don't have the patient to play games. Your wife is pregant and don't need extra stress. Until she "mother in law" can act like one, don't visit or you will sue. End of disucssion and just walk out.

Answer 9

I think you should marry the girl and have a great life together. I think that was nice of you take in her baby as your own, as for the mother don't worry about her childish ways you will get over it as long as both of you guys ignore her. marry the girl and move away from both of your families. visit when you have to.

Answer 10

How could you trust someone that has a child with somone else. Especially while they were with you?! I would really try to sit down with both families and explain why you want to be with her and try to work things out. No matter how much you love someone it's not always worth losing your family for. They may have a good reason for not wanting you to be with her. I would try to work things out with her family as well. Make them realize that you really love her and want what is best for her. Howevever, I think I would have some trust issues with her because she a kid from someone else.

Answer 11

Sounds like you should wait at the very least. I would suggest breaking up with her completely. Having a bunch of in-laws who hate you would only cause strain on the marriage. Also this woman is having a child by another man? That's another red flag if i ever saw one. RUN.