She's such a *****, what can I do??

Question

My mum has been supportive towards me, but she's very immature, everytime she comes back from working (she works evenings/nights) she smashes and bangs things around, whilst i'm upstairs and shouts and verbally bashes me calling me selfish and blah blah blah, she only does this when she comes back from work, I'm sick of it...she's 37 and i'm 17...I really want to move out and I don't want to get that old and be so hateful, I hate thinking about her life and I don't want to end up like her, I just wanna enjoy my life, have fun and succeed then die happy and young. I'm sick of her!!!! Opinions??

1. I do my bit to help.
2. She doesn't support me, I work and I go to college, THANK YOU!
3. It isn't my fault she 'gave up her youth' when she was 20 to have me, I didn't exactly force her to have unprotected se.x, that's HER mistake NOT mine!!

Answer 1

The pressure of the teenage years! Let me assure you that the pressures you are experiencing now are nothing like you will experience when you are on your own. Is your mother a single parent? If so, then you should be very sympathetic of her situation. She might be giving in to the stress that comes along with such a job. That is when you should step up as the young adult that you claim you are and help her in her responsibilities.

Answer 2

Did you ever ask your mom why she does these things? I would sit down with her a day she does not work and ask her if there is anything bothering her. If there is anything you can do to be more helpful, because you see shes stressed.Yes shes a adult and shouldn't treat you like this but sometimes adults don't relize they are being so hurtful. Do you leave dishes around the kitchen? Or your things around the house not picking up? Or do you do your chor's? If you talk to her and you tell her it hurts your feelings the way she saids those things to you and keeps doing it I would move out. But you can't do much until your 18 or move in with a adult in your family maybe a aunt or uncle. She can always call the police and report you as a run away. Most of the time though if your close like a few weeks until your 18th b-day they won't do much. Good luck.

Answer 3

I dunno...maybe its because while she's at work you don't do a single, solitary thing around the house to make life simpler for her while she's at work.
You seem to have left that little tidbit out. And don't tell me that you do because no woman comes home and starts slamming **** around after working all night for no reason. Instead of texting your pals all evening or chatting with them on the computer or phone get up and do some laundry and dishes...make dinner or breakfast for her if the time is right. Stop being such a parasite and do your share. If you can't deal with it...move. Probably be the best thinmg for your mother anyway.
Then you can experience life in the real world.

Answer 4

Oh my... this is MY life again! Same age difference, too. As soon as I graduated, I split. She will still call and talk that way, and all you can do (all I could do) was just pretend to listen and wait until she was done ranting. It got so bad I felt suicidal, but she didn't take me seriously about that. She won't listen to reason, or your feelings, or any of that. She looks down on you because you're just a kid, right? I say move out when you can, become independent as much as possible, don't answer the phone if you don't have to. But until you can move out, you're stuck listening to her BS, and now you have to find a way to deal with it.

Seriously, I have been through EXACTLY that. Feel free to email me, vent all you want, and get constant feedback. It might be the only way to cope with it until you can leave.

Answer 5

My mom was the same way only worst. She came screaming about stuff not being clean, she would throw stuff, hit us and insult us. I moved out when I was 17 and havent been back since....she saw what she did after I left and although our relationship is not the best..we atleast settled the differences. Turns out she has been slowly dying inside. I could go into details but I will spare you. All that physical pain made her that way. Still it leaves a bitter tatse in my mouth that I didnt have a mother I could turn to. Its no trauma but sometimes when you are gone, people appreaciate you..even moms.

Answer 6

I'm really sorry...
I actually understand EXACTLY how you feel. I have had a very similar situation with my mom.
Your mom comes home really stressed and takes it out when she gets home- and she is really stressing you and hurting you deeply. I know, I understand. It's not right and it's not fair and it's not good for you. So I'm really sorry.
In my experience, I moved out to go to college and I got my life more under control because I was away from the negativity at home. Over time, about six years, my mom changed so much. I never thought she would change but she has. She has friends now, a social life, and that seems to have made a lot of a difference. Now she is fun to be around. She still shows a little bit of her old self when she gets really stressed but at least I am on my own now.
Here are three tips I will give you.
1.) You can't change her. You want to change her, but you can't. It isn't your fault.
2.) Remember this time in your life. Keep a journal if you think you can keep it private from her. Write down what she says/does and how you feel. Or talk to good friends who are there for you.
3.) Get busy. Sign up for lots of extra-curriculars, get a job, go out with friends, volunteer. etc etc. You can do a lot of good in your life and be around very positive people. One good thing is that you are probably motivated to be a better person right now, and to be positive and optimistic.
Once I had lived away from home for a long time, and started my own stressful career, I found myself getting stressed like my mom. Banging things, shouting at my boyfriend. I was so ashamed that I was becoming like her. But you know what? I remembered how I felt when she was like that around me and it reminds me to cool off, relax, and not give in to that like she did. Don't think you will end up like her, let this be a lesson to you about what you never want to be.
She isn't right.....but you know that she is going through something right now, and in her own way, she is doing her best. It isn't good enough, but it is her best. I hope that (like my mom) you see positive changes in your mom and your relationship with her, even if it takes years and years. Keep your heart open to forgive her when that time comes.
Best of luck to you, and always here if you need to talk to someone who's been there
Kate

Answer 7

I know how you feel, my mom is kind of like that. When she gets mad she lashes out instead of dealing with things constructively. Unfortunately your mom lacks in many skills to know how to communicate with you and not act out her feelings. Thats the worst i think...acting out your feelings. Nothing wrong to have feeling but you don't have to act out on them and thats what your mom does. Maybe you should write her a letter. Tell her how her actions make you feel and that u love her as well. and that you appreciate her, poor woman she does work two jobs. And though its not excusable or right she does love you and doesn't really mean those things. but still write a letter, no blaming or accusing or criticism just write out an action and then how it made you feel. That simple then give it to her to read when you are not around. She has to read it all and think about it for a while then talk to her. Its tough being a mom and she had u pretty young too. But its great that u recognize her behavior and don't want to do that yourself. Unfortunately her actions probably affected u subconsciously like my mom did me. I have come to see that my mother's lashing out and inappropriate behavior has led me to find that in relationships with my significant other. Its hard to get out of it and im 26. I am trying to teach myself that though i was around it and it came from a loved one that behavior is not right. Yeah u have to deal with it cause its ur mom but do NOT ever put up with that crap with others!! Don't honey find those bad behavior, identify them and if you see someone showing them even in the most little form you RUN honey rRUn away from them... Please. But anyways try to fix yourself cause unfortunately u can only do so much for ur mom then pity her and make urself better.

and if u need any more advice, someone to listen too anything just feel free to email me little lady... just go to my avatar

Answer 8

Move out and tell her it isnt your fault she gave up her youth and to go do what she wants now before she becomes 50!
Then as far as dying young, youll feel that way until your on that last yr of your youth, which will be 19.Its ALL downhill from there hon!

Answer 9

Maybe if you did some housework to help out it is your home as well ,all the jobs don't belong to her ,you are not on a all inclusive holiday, do your bit make her a drink and a snack when she comes in from work,what would she have to shout about then,nothing.If you move out you are going to have to do those tasks where ever you live.

Answer 10

Sounds like she is taking her frustrations out on you since you say after work. Try not to let it bother you that much and talk to her openly about it. If she really bothers you that much you should start your plans now. Save up money, get an education, and move on out! Just remember love your mom no matter what she gave you life!