this is an essay about Ambitions, and dreams what do you think and if you were my teacher what grade is it?

Question

To pursue a dream it means you stick your mind to something and follow through on completing it. Dreams could be a future job, having something, or even a dream house. To pursue a dream we need diligence and determination.
“Anybody can do just about anything with himself that he really wants to and makes up his mind to do. We are capable of greater things than we realize.”
-Norman Vincent Peale
This quote says a lot for people trying to fulfill a dream for themselves or another person. We set our own limitations and boundaries of what we can do if you just give yourself reassurance that we can do anything we set our mind to everything will come easy to us.
When I was 5 I wanted to play the flute so much. My mom asked the lady at the music store counter how old girls had to be to play the flute, the tall dark haired woman said my lounges were not developed enough and I had to wait until I was at least 11 to have a proper lounge capacity. I walked into the busy sidewalk sad and depressed. My mom told me I could play the flute when I was older but I wanted it now. When I told her that she said to play the piano and learn the notes first then I could play anything I put my mind to.
When I turned 11 I started to play the flute just like my mom said I could. While thinking about that story, I knew if I did not keep that dream then I would not have played. I think working hard at something is easier if you really want to complete something. Along the way my mom was very benevolent while helping me to pursue my dream even paying for my flute. When you have that loving support it in a sense picks you up when you fall along the way.
This brought to mind a conversation about limitations. We can decide where we stop ourselves from going further with our dreams. But I was thinking why do we have to stop. We have a whole lifetime ahead of us. If dreams start to progress in our heads while we are young there is more of a chance we can succeed and we have a while to tweak it and try different things.
Going back to the quote in the first paragraph we can do anything we put our mind to and diligently follow through on. In the words of Heidi Willis “all limitations are self imposed.” If we trust in our selves and keep our dream alive anything is possible. Why do we have to limit ourselves. We can pick our own battles we want to fight we can achieve success.

Answer 1

Well overall, this is pretty good. I enjoyed the subject matter, and I can tell you've wrote from your heart. However there are some things that need to be revised.Firstly, you have to work on your diction a bit. Some of the wording of this essay seemed a bit repetitive. Moreover, You have to add some more literary elements, and make the voice of this piece sound formal. Plus, the main issue I had with this essay is that you just wrote the quote-instead of weaving it in. By doing this, it slightly disturbs the flow of this piece. So, my suggestion is that you should weave in the quote, in order to have a smooth flow.

Secondly, I also think you should edit your conclusion paragraph. As I read it, the first sentence seemed a bit awkward. I think you should either put a comma between this sentence, "Going back to the quote in the first paragraph, we can do anything we put our mind to and diligently follow through on." Or, you should also omit the dependent clause of the first sentence of the conclusion paragraph, and write something else. For instance, " According to Peale's perspective, we could do anything we put our mind to and dilligently work our way up in order to achieve our dreams."
Also, during the second paragraph of the conclusion, you have a fragmentary sentence. In order to correct this, you need to connect the second and third sentence with a comma. Then, at the last sentence of the conclusion, you have a run on sentence.

Thirdly, but not least, I also think you should work on the punctuation in this essay, and there are some fragmentary sentences that you could correct by connecting some of them either with conjuctions, or by commas.

So, besides that, I would've graded it as a C+. Because although this is a good rough draft, there are some things that need to be revised.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

great start, one thing is.... your work can be easily plagiarized because you posted it online ( publicly). Try to use more lively verbs so it isn't boring, thats how to put feelings and emotions into your essay. No matter what grade level you are, you have to progress. Keep writing AND learning from your mistakes to be an even better writer. I see your future right there.
I can see topic sentences, Introductory paragraph, body and conclusion. Thats most of it except you didn't indent at the beginning of the paragraph. I would give you a "C" to help. but believe me, you can easily get an A if you work a bit harder

Answer 3

History has proven and no one can dispute (although argue they will) but good people knew the writings of Solomon, the ancient King of Israel. King Solomon was well known throughout the world for his wisdom and his Book of Proverbs in the Holy Bible.

Proverbs 23:7
"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:"

Norman Vincent Peale wrote "The Amazing Results of Positive Thinking" and how God intervenes with extra power and confidence when we need it. We are surrounded by phenomena - even physical phenomena - which we cannot easily explain. Strange happenings hint of a fantastic spirit world that defy explanation. They often draw near in strange and wonderful ways to help us.

"You can become strongest in your weakest place." Say that aloud and allowing it to sink deeply into consciousness. I don't believe there is such a thing as an impossibility. God says, "with God all things are possible."

As a reader of the Bible, it would be hard to say how many times God says, " Do not fear." Fear is an ugly word to God.
God says, "Perfect love casts out all fear, because fear has torment." If you have Christ it is impossible to fear. When the Holy Spirit lives within us and teaches us all things, we have all that we will ever need. It is God who opens doors that cannot be opened. It is God who changes hearts and minds to give you favor and makes that dream a reality.

Answer 4

The subject matter is good, howwever, it should be presented a little better. It has some grammatical mistakes and spelling errors. Just as it is, I would grade it a "C," but, with some more work you can pull it up to an "A." Find a literary style guide to help.

Answer 5

You do not say what grade you are in, so grading you is difficult.
I loved your quote. I think you are a positive thinker.
Check your spelling and punctuation.
Your ideas are good, but I think it could be better with a little more work.
Right now I would grade you at a C.

Answer 6

Not bad.....not bad at all, but you could put a little more feeling into it with a few more eye catching adjectives. Other than that, you gave a personal example which is good and you followed up on it which is also good and necessary.

So, yes, like I said, not bad at all and to answer your question, I would more than likely give you a B.....or there abouts.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

Check again for grammar and PUNCTUATION.

Its a good, BUT in several place, some sentences tend to be passive , and get rid of repetitive words and substituting them with similar ones. Check your word processor for tools to check grammar and spelling and where you might need strong sentences. The rues I think in tool should help with word. If you problems, you know where we are.

GOOD LUCK. Can I copy your essay and read it carefully and return it or e-mail it to you sweetheart?

Answer 9

Pretty good!! The message is certainly inspiring. But one thing I noticed was depending on your grade level, there was a little repetition, this is certainly something that can be changed easily and you will probably grow out of!! What grade did you get??

Answer 10

Embed more quotes... Use more formal language and literary techniques... very good though! xxxx