While separated from my husband, I found my old love while doing an internet search and we started talking via telephone. We in totally different states. He said he has always loved me and I know I've always love him, however, I found out that he got married a couple of weeks after we first started talking. Since I confronted him about it, he has not contacted me. Why not? I think I deserve an explanation, but he has not responded me. What should I do?
2007-12-13 06:10:45 · 51 answers · asked by Kathy S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Want an explanation?
He more than likely had some cold feet about getting married & when you contacted him he felt like he had an easy way to have his cake & eat it too. Since you were in another state & were unlikely to show up at his house or to demand daily visits from him, he was able to hide you away from his fiancee/wife.
I think that you got out of this pretty easily. You were able to confront him about it before it got really out of hand & before the the affair turned physical instead of entirely emotional. Just leave it be. There is no good that could come out of demanding an explanation. Even if you were to tell his wife, this guy could easily say that you were a psycho ex-girlfriend who is stalking him. There is no way to "win" this except to just move on. I'm sure that in his own way he still loves you & you him, but there is a difference between knowing the difference between real love & an infatuation with a past love.
Also, think of it this way: he used you as an easy excuse to avoid fixing whatever was wrong in his relationship with his fiancee. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't know he was in a relationship with anyone, let alone getting ready to marry them when you called him up. When you discovered his lies you broke it off & you are now demanding an explanation--not to get back together. (Trying to clarify that for the people calling you a homewrecker.) While I'm sure that you didn't help things, whatever is going on with his relationship with his fiancee/wife had probably been going on before you & is still going on now. You probably weren't the first person he tried to cheat with. Cheaters never change their spots, at least not easily.
Just take comfort in that you discovered this early on & he didn't try to lie his way out of it. You stuck to your morals & refused to date a married man, even if it was long distance & over the phone.
2007-12-13 06:34:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, point number one, you started talking over the phone after you found him during an internet search. He was not looking for you. Point number two is he never let you on to what was happening in his life, like getting married. Point number three, all men will usually tell you something similar in a similar situation, like I always loved you after a loong time has gone by and you happen to get in touch again. They also love to hear that you will always love them. It does not constitute a binding committment for either of you.
Point number four is that he got married because his relationship with his current partner moved into the next level, that takes time and a couple of calls with you are not going to change that. Weddings take time to plan, at least a year, you were not in the picture then.
Point number 5, guys are mean SOB's to the bone if they can get away with it.
Once confronted, he will not contact you again because he was fooling around. Lucky for you it was over the phone. What kind of explanation do you expect, an admission of guilt? dream on because you are not going to get it.
Do nothing, just wisen up and learn from the experience, at least you did not get hurt like other girls who end up pregnant or really depressed. If he ever calls you, which I doubt, tell him to get lost. Hope his current spouse never finds out because from his attitude it seems he doesn't place much stock on marriage vows, but that is not your problem.
One last and most important thing is that you are married yourself, and now he is. Can you blame him for not wanting to tangle with a married woman when he just got hitched? Fix your own situation first before you even consider another relationship. Close one circle before you open another.
2007-12-13 06:31:17 · answer #2 · answered by Karan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband got into that bad habit. You can try to explain it til' you're blue in the face that it's an addiction and it's not a healthy one, but they will give you every excuse in the book as to how it's not. It's a monkey on your bf's back and from my own experience no I wouldn't marry him. My ex won $32,000. Ask me what he has to show for it?? The only thing he has to show for it is my 2004 Mustang. After that, he went on a gambling spree and I'd venture to say that all that money was gone within 2 months. NOTHING good came of it because after he won, he kept playing and playing, waiting for the next big payout. Not worth it!
2016-04-09 01:00:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he just wanted to play a little on the side, and is obviously in love with the women that he married, or he wouldn't have married her. But yes you do deserve an explanation, but all you can really do is email him and if he never hits you back then you'll just have to let it go, unless you know of another way to contact him.
2007-12-13 06:15:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He probably said all that stuff to you back before the wedding because he was getting closure on that relationship. He could have had some pre-wedding jitters and so he was more emotional than normal. But now that he's married, it's time to move on. You know that you guys always loved each other, but it's not meant to be.
I doubt you'll be able to singlehandedly convince him to leave his new wife. After all, you both broke up with each other for a reason... why revisit something that is overwith?
2007-12-13 06:17:11 · answer #5 · answered by marisa_g1rl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He probably would have continued to pull your leg while you didn't know he got married-be glad you found out now. He might still care-but VERY obviously-not enough. Just take it as a compliment that you are still on his mind and let it go-go get a new fish and have some fun!
2007-12-13 06:19:28 · answer #6 · answered by ARTmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he probably does really love you. Just not in the same way he loves his wife. Out of respect for her & the desire to make a good husband he should not contact you. Sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to. That's when it's time to move on.
2007-12-13 06:17:30 · answer #7 · answered by A * T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can give you the explanation. He's MARRIED.
Focus on your current husband. If that has completely died, figure out what YOU did before getting into your next relationship.
Obviously, you haven't done much thinking considering you're trying to hook up with a married person.
Sorry, I don't want to be so blunt but the world is so huge and you're missing most of it.
2007-12-13 06:16:35 · answer #8 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is married and realized what he was doing was wrong and disrespectful to his wife. Leave him alone and get a life of your own. I think he just wanted to get off his chest that he had loved you but he is now married and has a new life and a wife. Either that or he wanted a fling and didn't think you would find out he got married. Now that you know he has said see ya!
2007-12-13 06:16:56 · answer #9 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
he married right away after getting in contact with u, and when u confronted him he decided it just wasn't worth it anymore and chose to end your affair. if he's married don't try to contact him again, and no he doesn't appear to love u it was all just a bunch of words with no action to back it up. u need to move on, and forget him.
2007-12-13 07:33:18 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋