Honest opinions please?
I've had people think I was depressed when they read this. I am not. This poem is about what I think could happen if we dont change our destructive ways, and soon
so please tell me what you think, if its not any good just say so! :D
The wheat has stopped waving
The air has grown thin
The waves of the ocean
Have stopped crashing in
The grass has grown dry
The Earth become cracked
The mountains are crumbling
No longer mighty or high
The trees have been broken
Their leaves turning in
The oceans are rising
The ice growing thin
The snow has all melted
The stars will not shine
We sat on our knees
Cryin’ please, oh please, oh please
What was done is now done
It cannot be changed
We never found love
We never lost hate
We never listened
To those who spoke out
And now here we sit
As the suns giving out
2007-12-13 05:24:43 · 8 answers · asked by shouting is better 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
The winds blowing hard
Against the harsh desert plains
The animals were all shot
As they fled the dying land
The airs become thick
The suns been blocked out
The plants have all choked
& the sky is drawn out
The water is scarce
And poisoned at best
The great rushing rivers
Are drying out like the rest
The dying are dead
The starving went hungry
They never got fed
The diseases went rampant
The sickness went on
The hatred exploded
With the nuclear bombs
Yet here we are
Sitting on our knees
Crying out
Please, oh please, oh please
To the gods and the lords
To the unwitting leaders
Of the unwitting hordes
Waiting for what never was done
To get done
We never came together
We never saw the light
We never found peace
We never stopped the fight
We never listened to those who spoke out
And now here we sit
As the suns giving out.
2007-12-13 05:25:11 · update #1
Also, if you could star it that would be great, I would like as many opinions as I can get!!!
thanks!
2007-12-13 08:09:25 · update #2
WOW.
That's all I can say--WOW.
You are wise beyond your years. Your poem speaks the truth...the sad part about it, and no one will admit it, we have no one to blame but ourselves. Your eyes are wide open.
2007-12-13 05:55:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Amazing, what are world will come to if we don't change the track we are on on. It speaks the truth in volumes. I think everybody should read this. I hope I am not around when this happens. I hope there is still faith left for the world.
Keep writing &
Blessed Be
2007-12-13 06:15:52 · answer #2 · answered by moonstonefrogs 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Quit seeking approval for your expressions of truth, and stop explaining what your poems mean to you. Allow the reader to experience the entirety of your works and reach their own conclusions - whether or not it is the message you intended or knew was planted among your words.
When you're ready, I'd gladly help you self-publish.
2007-12-13 09:08:50 · answer #3 · answered by BePublished.Org 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
fairly coming from a expert poet, it sounds somewhat compelled. Do you think of it fairly is compelled? fairly it fairly is a superb first attempt. you have the skill to place your emotions accessible. yet is does have stretched throughout it. you basically ought to enable the words bypass. do not make something pop out. in case you do this is going to look like a pen exploded throughout your web site. and ... EDIT EDIT EDIT my costly. the main important to an excellent poem is diverse copies.
2016-11-03 03:43:50 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is excellent. It has rhyme, meter and imagery. It conveys the warning you wanted it to convey. I'd like to see some punctuation and I'd also like it if you took the last two lines and made them a separate stanza, which would give more finality to the destruction of our planet. Please keep writing; you have talent.
2007-12-13 08:08:46 · answer #5 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It started out quite good, both meter and rhyme, but then started to shift to non-rhyming, and no set meter. The rhythm went away and it became choppy. The subject became clouded by the difficulty trying to read it from the middle to the end. I don't know what happened, but it wasn't a good thing, please try to fix it.
dd
2007-12-19 08:34:00 · answer #6 · answered by Dondi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
all i can say is amen!! everyone knows whats going on and yet no one is willing to stand up and do whats best for our future generations the US is one of the top polluters yet we are one of the few not to sign the kyoto protocol all ican say is pathetic!! we need to stop pointing fingers and quit blaming we are all at fault for being aware of the madness happening and refusing to do anything about it!!
2007-12-13 06:33:09 · answer #7 · answered by Adine V 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
pretty good... leave out the nuclear bomb part!
its a poetry thing... just dont mention something that specific. Also:
"the starving went hungry"
ummmm.... starving is worse than hungry, switch those around.
i really liked the rest though!
2007-12-13 06:17:27 · answer #8 · answered by something crazy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋