ex and I broke up a couple months ago and didn't see each other until recently, when he called me wanting to see me again. He was very excited to see me and wants to start hanging out again. We had been pretty serious before (hes 25 I'm 26) and broke up over something stupid, and we both realize that now. He wants to start "hanging out," but also says he doesn't want to get serious or get married (he has issues; his parents just got divorced after over 25 years of marriage after his mom cheated) This is a huge change from him even a couple months ago when we were together.
I know we both have romantic feelings for each other still, but I'm wondering, should I continue to "hang out" with him with the hopes he will want to get serious, as we were before, or find someone else who does? I would like to be in a serious relationship and I love him, but I don't want to hang out as just friends or friends with benefits. I don't know if I should move on or wait?
2007-12-13 04:48:19 · 16 answers · asked by Leah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess I'm just confused because we have been serious before, so I know the potential for him is there.
2007-12-13 04:55:24 · update #1
We have been out a couple times since then... he is acting like more than just a bud but still being respectful.
2007-12-13 04:57:23 · update #2
I would move on. What it looks like your ex needs is a friend and that's not something you can be for him. You love him but he's not where you are. Cut your losses and keep it moving because one of two things will happen here.
You will settle for the relationship you don't want and end up unhappy if he doesn't see the jewel you are and marry you
You will move on and life will start over either with him coming to his senses or with you with a new man
My suggestion is that you take some alone time since you're still emotionally attached to your ex .
2007-12-13 05:02:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say hang out with him. the divorce thing is going to be hard on him for awhile ask yourself if you want to be with him through that. It may take time for him to be willing to get back into a serious relationship let alone marriage. Or even just hang out with him but date other people. You aren't commited to him. Until you dating other bothers him then he and you will both know that he loves you and only wants to be in a serious relationship with you.
2007-12-13 13:00:55 · answer #2 · answered by tat2cutie_4_rps 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him and want him back you should discuss it over with him and tell him how you feel about him. His answer will lead you into the right direction. Maybe he doesn't want to be serious right now with anyone because he is afraid that his relationship will end up being like his parents. Communication is the best key in resolving problems, talk it out and be open and honest.
2007-12-13 12:54:49 · answer #3 · answered by 9957_*vsts 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should move on. There are reasons that you broke up and that he's your ex. He also say he has "issues" and that he doesn't want to commit.
He's told you flat out where he stands and what you can expect from him. He's also shown you this in his actions. You are wasting your time by waiting for him.
Still hang out with him as friends if you like, but don't let it become a "friends with benefits" type of thing.
2007-12-13 13:27:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should maintain your distance and maybe just talk to him over the phone. He has already expressed his feelings about the future with you and they don't line up with your feelings.
I would say that you are only going to hurt yourself in the long run if you stay around and "hang out". You are letting him have his cake and eat it too. You deserve more than some one just wanting to "hang out". However if you want to continue your friendship with him, I wouldn't let intercourse be an option, maybe just offer him support during his time of need.
Don't forget that you have to take care of you. He is guarding his feelings by letting you know his intentions up front. Take it for what it is worth and be cautious!
2007-12-13 14:39:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Hang out" with him, but don't get serious. Be friends in the truest sense of the word. In other words, no sex!
If you can, be friends with him because that's his choice and you value a relationship with him. There should be no "fringe benefits." Since he doesn't want a serious relationship, he shouldn't expect you not to look for and date other guys who may be ready to settle down.
Be strong. After a while, he may convince you to give in to resuming a sexual relationship just because he knows you love him. Discuss this with him in advance. Draw the line now, and make sure he understands the rules and your goal of marriage. It's unreasonable for him to expect to eat his cake and have it, too.
2007-12-13 12:59:39 · answer #6 · answered by DJ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to move on and find a new guy this guy sounds like he is damaged goods and will be commitment phobic for years to come. It sounds to me like you are ready to settle down and start a family this is not the guy to do it with. Tell him it was to hear from him but you have chosen to start seeing other people and that he is not the guy for you anymore that you and him have different views on life and marriage and that you want a guy that would be willing to commit soon not 10yrs from now.
God Bless and Best Wishes
2007-12-13 13:13:38 · answer #7 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe go out 2 or 3 times.
If it feels like the old days and he seems interested in you, then you should have a talk with him regarding your future together.......like whether or not there is one.
If he only acts like a buddy towards you, then you know you gave it another shot, it didn't click, so then you can move on without always wondering......what if..........
2007-12-13 12:56:25 · answer #8 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it took a couple of months to figure out that it was a stupid reason to break up then there is more going on than you want to admit!
nothing serious ?
he only want some a** that's it he's trying to use you until he gets what he wants
he doesn't just have issues ....he's got a life time subsciption!
2007-12-13 12:57:43 · answer #9 · answered by swddrb 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hanging out with him could Prevent you from moving forward and catching Mr. Right.
He has stated that he wants to remain friends while your looking to settle down and get married.....Don't wait on him to change his mind about getting married......
I believe that he wants a Friendship with Benefits.....I would run from this one.....
2007-12-13 12:53:12 · answer #10 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋