I recently found out some serious stuff about my husband, not very pretty I might add, that he has been doing behind my back (cheating). I am planning on confronting him and ultimately divorcing him but I don't want to ruin Christmas for my family. I know HE's the one who would technically be "ruining" Christmas but I feel it is selfish of me to not hold it in until after Christmas, for my kid's sake, as well as for the sake of feeling somewhat "normal" for the holidays. On the other hand, I feel like I am going to explode or have a nervous breakdown. I know if I bring it up now, it will completely ruin Christmas for everyone involved. My husband is a narcissist and will NEVER admit he's in the wrong and it will come back on me. Any advice on how to "keep it together" for the next 2 weeks? What would you do? Please help me!! Thanks.
2007-12-13 04:47:34 · 13 answers · asked by Betty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry, I forgot to add, I have already confronted him about it but he (and she) swear up and down they are only "friends." I have more than good reason to believe they are both lying.
2007-12-13 05:03:45 · update #1
And yes, I am sure he cheated on me (100% sure he emotionally cheated and 99.99999% sure he physically cheated). I have found e-mails, phone calls, pictures. And they both swear up and down they are only "friends." Sigh.
2007-12-13 05:07:56 · update #2
Honey
I would hold out until after Christmas, I know that would be hard but this is not about you, this is about the children. Your children could be traumatized and forever associate the breakup of mom and dad with Christmas.
of course he will never admit cheating, he's a man, it's in their nature. The responsibility of becoming both parents always falls on the mom.
Don't get mad, get EVEN. Plan this out without him knowning, contact a lawyer, keep a recent pay stub of his. If you can prove he cheated, you can use that in court against him. Take one day at a time, count down to Christmas, make a list of all the things that you will need to work out after the breakup, think each one through, have a plan.
Just remember your a mom, a good mom, and a beautiful woman who will find someone else who will love you and only you.
2007-12-13 04:58:34 · answer #1 · answered by Yasmina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are wanting to keep it together for the kids then do so, and know that it is the love that you have for them and not him that you are doing this. In the mean time, before you confront him, make damn sure that you have all the facts and evidence and copies of such facts and evidence so that he too can have a copy. Make sure that the children are gone else where when you confront him, and tell him that from this point on until after Christmas he is to sleep in the spare room or on the sofa, you get a new door knob with a lock and key and lock him out of the bedroom. Then you tell him that he needs to be out by a certain time after Christmas, but out of love for the children and it being Christmas, this is the only reason that he is even being allowed to remain in the home. Then thank the sob for loving his children so much that he would cheat on them too. this is a sarcastic remark, because I feel that if you really love your kids, there is no way that you could cheat on them, it is not just you who he cheated on, he cheated on them too, so therefore he has no love for them.
2007-12-13 13:08:46 · answer #2 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know psotively that he has been doing this then you need to confront him do it in private not in front of the kids. Your Christmas is already destroyed why celebrate knowing your marriage is over. You can act civil for family and the kids but just let him know the New Year your resolution is to kick him out and get a divorce.
What Scum God Bless and Best Wishes.
Why put your health at risk by getting an ulcer or having added stress or even a nervous break down or a heart attack for his infedelity. Tell him you know and that you will be filing for divorce after the holidays.
2007-12-13 13:06:45 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went thru the exact same thing as you are going thru now. I found out my ex had a girlfriend about a week before Christmas. My children were 3 & 4 and I know that they really did not understand too much, but I chose to hold it in until after Christmas. Not for anyone else but the kids. Try to wait if you can, I know how much this is hurting you but try not to explode til you are a little calmer so that the kids do not get hurt for the holidays. Sending you love and strength - you WILL make it - so don't think you won't.
2007-12-13 12:57:03 · answer #4 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say tell him now and agree not to tell the kids until after Christmas but if he is as narcissistic as he sounds, that probably will not work. First, I would find someone who you can talk to that knows how to keep what you say private. You really need to unload on someone to keep you sane until then. Secondly, focus on the kids. Think up some activities you all can do together that they will enjoy and will help keep you in the holiday spirit. Third, when you do get to thinking about it in your down time, come up with a plan/mental list of what you are going to say and do (Like the day before, move your money into a separate account,etc). You'll feel better when you know you are in control of the situation.
2007-12-13 12:58:23 · answer #5 · answered by tinyavenger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you are a very strong women. I give you so much credit for not going crazy yet! I would have flipped on him!!! I see where you are coming from not wanting to ruin things for your kids that is very strong of you, but you also have to think about yourself. You are going to go crazy and let this anger build and build over the next two weeks which will just make the conversation between you two even more horrible. I would suggest getting a baby sitter you two going out to eat of something and you telling him flat out i know what you have been doing and i want a divorce but i would like to try and hold it together for the next few weeks for our family. I hope that helps and i am so sorry you had to go through this.
2007-12-13 12:55:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, you are one good woman, As soon as you found out you should have confronted him. Your Christmas is already ruined. I wouldn't wait, confront him. Your kids will still get there presents from Santa and all, but you have been through enough, don't let him get away with this. You can have xmas with you and the kids quit letting him run you, stop the madness, my heart goes out to you. Good Luck
2007-12-13 13:03:41 · answer #7 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your holiday is already ruined.
You know what I'd give him for X-Mas?
I'd box up all his crap, and a blank Christmas card with the words, "see ya...... in divorce court."
Seriously, I'd tell him to leave. Allow him to come home to watch the kids open their gifts, then show him the door right after that.
2007-12-13 13:30:01 · answer #8 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
confront him now and start talkin about it now. if you don't you'll just snap in the middle of something. put on a "show" for the kids so they think everything is alright. they don't need to know until after christmas. me and my husband are trying to work out some things right now. but its easier to confront right way other wise its going to eat at you and make you madder.
2007-12-13 12:56:41 · answer #9 · answered by serenity975428 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you know for a fact that he is cheating? don't just make assumptions. If you know for sure that it is true you need to cofront him immediatly. Don't stress yourself out because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants. It will be hard for awhile but in the end it will be worth it. Don't wait until after the holidays. Good Luck!
2007-12-13 13:01:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋