Is my husband being really selfish or am I overreacting??

Question

I just got married two months ago and this is our first Christmas together.

He overseas oil rigs for chevron and is gone a week at a time and will be gone for Christmas.

I hadn't seen him since December 4th and he just got back last night
He wants to go on a hunting trip this weekend for a few days.
That means I will only see him for 3 days almost this entire month until after Christmas and I work till 5 oclock on those days.
I know hunting is important to him however this weekend is the only weekend I have Christmas parties for us to go to and I dont want to go alone. These parties have been planned a month Not to mention its our first christmas and im already upset that he will be gone.

This is his only weekend togo otherwise he will have to wait till next year to hunt so I understand him wanting to go. I told him he COULD go but that I was just "disappointed"...

I can't help but be little offended. Should I just drop it or tell him I changed my mind? Thanks

Answer 1

you need to stand your ground, let him know how you feel and that you do not get to see him enough
MO

Answer 2

That's a tough one that's for sure. I hate to say it but at this point no matter what you do it's going to be a lose lose situation, you either let him go hunting and not spend that weekend together doing things you would like to do and have your feelings be hurt and thinking the whole time about why he's not there, or you tell him you've changed your mind on something that is very important to you and you two either argue and he goes anyway which would be like twisting the knife that you already feel inside, or he doesn't go and wishes the whole time that he was there and feels like you held him back from something he really wanted to do. Or you could have married the most perfect man in the world and when you tell him how you feel he just says its fine and stays home with you.
However if I were in the same position I would feel offended from the start that he wouldn't just want to spend the time with me and that he shouldn't want to go and should want to spend the time with you which is why I said all I said up top. If you drop it, you'll be hurting the entire time and it'll be racing through your mind, if you tell him you changed your mind you'll still feel like he's only stayng because you told him to and he should still just want to and it shouldn't be a fight.. It's going to go either way so I don't know if there's anything I can really suggest doing. I've been in the same position many times with my partner and it just really sucks so some say you're over reacting and some will say you're not, I'm sorry I can't really give you an answer but you're not the only one!

Answer 3

Neither. He is not "really selfish" and you are not overreacting.

He has a right to some kind of unwind activity. Most people have weekends to do that, but in his case he has to take it where he can, so I support his need and desire to do something for himself. Although a "few days" seems excessive considering he just got married.

But you have needs also and he should be respectful of that. He's married now and he has responsibilities that he's not accustomed to yet. Please try not to be offended by his choice, but also don't miss an opportunity to be heard either. If you bury your feelings about this I guarantee you will be asking the same question again and again in the future.

My advice: Don't rescind your "permission". You told him he could go, and you should honor your word. Christmas is the season of giving, so let him have this trip free of guilt, don't hold it against him. But do tell him that you would have liked to spend that time with him, and that it's a sacrifice on your part. Then ask him playfully what he's going to do to make it up to you. He will adore you for letting him off the hook and will earnestly make a better effort for you in the future.

If you want to take it to the next level, I have an even better suggestion. Ask to go with him! OK, I know I'll be losing points with the guys on this because some guys think hunting/camping/football are ways to escape the women for awhile, but real men would disagree. If you ask to go you win huge:
1. You get to spend time with him which was your goal.
2. He gets his hunting trip 100% guilt free.
3. Even if you don't actually hunt, you might find that you enjoy the experience.
4. He will earn MAJOR points from the guys for having such a cool wife
5. All women look sexy with rifles and camouflage!

Even if he (or his companions) prefer it to be a "guy thing" you will still earn major points for asking.

Answer 4

Hunny, my husband is a hunter also. We got married in the month of October which is hunting season here, I don't spend much time with him on on anniversary, but he more than makes up for it. I understand that you are disappointed and hurt. But all of us in a relationship need a break from life, work, kids, each other. I go with the girls every week. I have been married 19 years, and I am sure that you can bend a little on this and make plans for something else and he can bend to accommodate you. Marriage is a give and take. I really do understand you what to show the world your man, and Hunny believe he wants the same. Maybe the nigh5t before he goes you can work only a half day, or take an early lunch, and spend some time with him. My husband used to travel when we were first married and missed Christmas a couple of times with me and the kids. Good luck ....

Answer 5

If this were your tenth Christmas, I'd say that you were being a little touchy but since this is your first Christmas, I can understand your not wanting to be alone. I can also understand not wanting to go to the Christmas parties alone. I mean, what's the point of being married if you still go everywhere by yourself. I think you should have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him how you feel. Don't be accusatory and don't say anything like "how could you" or "you don't understand." Just be open and honest and talk about your feelings and be willing to listen when he talks about his. I think there are other times in the year where he could go hunting and not interfere with a holiday. Good luck.

Of course, if my husband had wanted to go hunting under similar circumstances, I would have let him know right at first how I felt about it. You guys are going to be together a long time and you need to be honest and open with each other. And sometimes you're going to have give a little and sometimes he will. What you don't want to do is say that something is okay when it isn't, and then sit and simmer. That is a recipe for disaster.

Answer 6

Would it be possible to split the weekend? Go hunting for a day and spend a day with you
Alternatively join him on the hunt
Or if nothing else works tell him go but to make sure you receive a very nice christmas gift

Girl you knew the man when you married him and you already agreed to it.

Answer 7

Well, yes and no.

Coming from another guy, sounds like he needs 'his' time. Time to do exactly what he wants to do, and nothing else. Sounds like a stressful job, and hunting to him must be an incredible relaxing activity.

What you should do (this is only my opinion) is let him go. But when he's back, make sure he's all yours for the time that you two can be together.

What you should not do, is make him feel guilty for going, or give him cause to think about problems at home (like you being mad when he gets back) because then his hunting trip will not accomplish all the goals he needs. He probably needs to relax, be his own self for a while, especially being a new husband, theres a lot of stress in his life he needs to work out. If he goes hunting expecting to come back to a pissed off wife, he's going to have anxiety, and not enjoy the activity fully, therefore only causing more friction between you two when he gets back.

Let him go relax, and clear his mind and compose himself. You will have a happier husband in the end.




Valerie X has it right on!!!!!!

Answer 8

I would tell him exactly how I feel and if he insists on going hunting, I would go to the parties alone and have a great time. When he's home alone at night, it will give him a taste of his own medicine.

I am fortunate. I have a husband that respects my feelings about things like this and our marriage is based on compromise. . Any man that has been away from his wife for a month and would rather spend time with a group of guys hunting instead of being with his new wife on his few days home is a selfish jerk and I don't think you are over-reacting.

Answer 9

i've got been married to my husband for 7 years. i might have not got any concern with him happening a adult males holiday for a weekend because of the fact I have confidence his judgement and that i be attentive to that his acquaintances movements are not going to impact him. If he's style of guy to cheat on you, he will do it no remember if he's in California or at homestead, so what difference does it make. you're completely able to looking after the infants via your self for a weekend precise? I say relationships are all approximately compromise, so why not plan a visit for your self and he can watch the infants some weekend too!!

Answer 10

he is probably under a lot of stress... I know being away from you is hard and you knew this going in to the marriage. he probably needs a little down time with no one requiring anything from him.....
I think you should do a trade off... this time the hunting trip, next time all the time with you.
You have to compromise and I would put all the cards on the table now and see how he reacts.. talk to him about it.. Don't cry in the corner... face up and get an answer...
If he barks at your compromise you have a problem on your hand if he is being sensible then he should agree without a hitch....

Answer 11

He should know how you feel but you two should try to compromise a little. Tell him he can go hunting for one day and the rest of the time you want him with you. You can't always have things one way or the other so find a happy medium.