is 66 years old and is going off the deep end.She has a credit card that she exceeded her limit, spending it on frivolous things like meals in restaurants, expensive cat food,etc.She has no retirement $$, is living on $682 a month in SS, lives in a retirement home, goes gambling once a week, is a hoarder, lies to her children constantly.What would you do or say to her??Were very worried about her, and don't know what to do.She has a history of avoiding us whenever we bring her our concerns.
2007-12-13 04:17:00 · 17 answers · asked by bostonsportsfan 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
I know that everyone here thinks it is her right to make mistakes and I agree to a certain point but I work in an Alzheimer's facility and have seen some of the behaviors you describe. I would suggest getting a good mental health professional to examine her. DO NOT try to take things away from her without discussing it. I have seen this too much and it makes me angry. Let her know you love her and are concerned don't put her on the defensive, don't gang up on her, keep everything from the I perspective. "Mom I am worried about you, I love you and I know that you can take care of yourself but I want to help in any way I can." This way she knows you don't think she is crazy or incompetent even if she may be in some ways. Respect her opinions don't argue or get upset with her I know that is hard but remember when you were younger and she didn't listen to you, that is probably how she feels right now.
2007-12-13 08:15:44 · answer #1 · answered by jfjohnsonrn2 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The notion of marrying kids has been popularized by the obvious fake reports ascribed to Aisha which put her age at 6, the funny thing about these reports is that Aisha's age is quoted anywhere from 5 to 42 in these same sources. So here is the question, why not go with those reports where the age of marriage and the qualifying men and women are consistent with the Quran ? For your information you can only take as second wife who must be a divorced or widow with children and the man must be a saint. The minimum age must be determined by mental maturity, being able to manage their finances and physical maturity, in that order. No exceptions. The operative word for determining maturity is ashuddahu (أَشُدَّهُۥ) a noun in 6:152 and 17:34, which means an age of full physical strength as descried in Quran 28:14. Hence puberty is just one indication of physical maturity and given the vigor and stresses of giving birth it is but obvious that God would want the women to have gained full strength before tying the knot. Anything below 18 to 20 would be a stretch. Moreover it is neither normal nor natural and just because others are doing it in spite of the clear guidelines, does not give you the excuse to do the same.
2016-05-23 09:30:34 · answer #2 · answered by luz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with lots of posters here. It is her debt, she is responsible for it. You don't say whether you or your siblings contribute to your mom's support in any way. You say she has a maxed out credit card, what is the balance? Some cards are only like $300. Maybe she is you because you act like her parents instead of being her kids and she doesn't like being questioned. Bottom line, it is her life, if she wants a restaurant meal, why don't you kids give her a gift card to a restaurant? You know she would love it. You mom is 66 years old, she can make her own decisions, if she makes a mistake, she knows that she will pay the consequences, not you! How do you know that the cat food was expensive? They do have sales. When is the last time you talked to your mom without criticizing her?
2007-12-13 06:24:27 · answer #3 · answered by slk29406 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is extremely hard to back off and allow parents the right to live their life the way they see fit. Believe me.....there were some really stupid things my parents dumped their money on that I wouldn't do. But I'm absolutely positive they thought I didn't do so good either. Thing is....it's their life, their money and they have the same right as anyone else to live and spend it as they see fit. Screw it up if they want to as well. You may want to check with her Dr. and make sure she isn't suffering some kind of dementia but otherwise......let her be. Lord knows she's probably counted pennies and taken everybody elses interests before her own her whole life and this is her time for some selfish enjoyment. I can pretty much bet I could stick my nose in your life and decide you were spending money on "frivolous" and un-necessary things as well. Maybe she does without indulgences in other areas in order to compensate for the few she has. I mean seriously.....a restaurant meal? A few pennies more for her cat? I bet I could scrutinize your hair shampoo or name brand cleaning products or something and nit pick the heck out of your choices. I don't think you'd like me to begrudge you a treat of a pizza once a week to give yourself an evening of no dirty dishes and meal preperation after a hard week of work. I'm sure she's survived most of her life....let her live a little while she can without judging her small desires that give her some enjoyment.
2007-12-13 06:43:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
My Mom is even worse than yours. there is nada dang thing you can do except don't assume her debt. Let her live and enjoy it however long it lasts. The credit companies will cut her off. Don't push her to lie and if you know she will likely lie then don't ask. Everything will crash eventually just be there to visit and call.
My Mom spent all her savings in less than two years. Ran up 50,000 of CC debt, refinanced her house which is going to three step siblings when she dies. Cashed in the stocks all the things my stepDad had in place to ensure her a comfortable life she squandered in short time. Now I just try to see she has warmth and electric and food. She hates it when I send grocery store gift cards but she can't buy booze and cigs for other people with them. She has 3 adults living with her and no one will pick up the dog turds or take the dogs out often enough. She has taken to leaving her depends lying around the bedroom and bathroom. She is not ill just lazy. But she has stopped buying junk that piles up around the house.
2007-12-13 05:00:02 · answer #5 · answered by Southern Comfort 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My Mother had a stroke and my Dad passed away some years back and she became so hooked on QVC that boy did she spend ( I have many really crazy gadgets and gizmo's) from her. But you know what the bottom line is...it was her money and that made her happy! She did what she needed to do in life, raised 5 kids and alot more. If she is not causing herself any financial harm then let her go. In a polite way it is really non of your business unless of course she is not in a good state of mind and has people taking advantage of her and her money. I hope her and the cats enjoy their meals!
2007-12-13 05:19:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
She's only 66 and living in a retirement home already? With
the activities you mention, it sounds like she is trying to keep
up the pace with the other retirees. And she's in debt by
trying to carry on a facade. Who wants to admit they're poor?
Who's paying for her apt. in the retirement home? Those can
be very expensive and some I've checked out, run well over
$1,500.00 a month.
I'm sure she feels she can handle her affairs by herself,
but if you're aware that she has maxed out her credit cards
and there's no money to pay in payments, then she has to
face up to that. You are going to have to sit her down and
look her squarely in the eye and talk to her seriously. Have
her turn over her cards to you and you can help her begin
payment paying. Or maybe you and your siblings can chip
in to cover them for her. It's not unreasonable, when you
think of the years she took care of you, and allowed you to
live comfortably. Your mother is going to have to face facts.
She cannot afford to spend money she doesn't have. If she
would feel left out when others go gambling, or eat out,
maybe that's where you and your sibs can help. Give her
an allowance for treating herself each month to an outing.
But she will have to stay within the allowance she's given.
Even if it means giving up something she enjoys. Surely
she can't be so irrational as to believe, if she ignores the
problems, they'll go away on their own? It's time to pay
the piper and she's got to face facts on that, or she's
delusional. And that's when a psychiatrist may have to
step in. Make her listen to you, and take her credit cards
away. Or tell her that the office will hold onto them until
her debts are paid. Only then, can she have them returned.
I wish you luck with her. She sounds like a Hard Headed
Hannah.
2007-12-13 04:54:19 · answer #7 · answered by Lynn 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Ask the retirement home manager to bring in a consultant for meeting with the four of you, confronting her, explaining that her lying is a wasted effort, that today's credit cards balloon in expected monthly payments once the limit is exceeded, and that he/she has made her/himself available to her children for any next need they may have.
2007-12-13 07:33:54 · answer #8 · answered by Dinah 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has she had any serious checkups in a while. Some of this behavior could actually be symptoms of something deeper that is happening to her mentally. I would try and get her to a good doctor. When you said she is going off the deep end it made me think that is something fairly new, say in the last year or less.
Just an opinion.
2007-12-13 05:31:35 · answer #9 · answered by ncgirl 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
What do you want her to do, save money?
It sounds more like she wants to live, really feel like she is living and not just existing, but because of the limited income and having to listen to her family complain about the money she spends, it's like a cloak and dagger game of finding ways to do what she wants without you all knowing. Which has become part of the fun in doing what she does, live!
It is not easy realizing that your life is moving towards the end especially when all you want is to enjoy some of the simplest things around.
2007-12-13 04:41:12 · answer #10 · answered by Sandie B 5 · 8⤊ 1⤋