I have 2 friends that are married with a child. I am a single mother of two. Everytime they need a sitter I watch their son..... for free. Right now they're going through hard financial times so I hired the husband to help me with a few handyman things around the house so that he could make a little extra $$$. He came and helped, but never finished, even though I paid him.
Then I asked if he could help me with one more handyman thing and he said he was "too busy". They go out and party every weekend, have RARELY invited me to do anything with them, and have gotten to the point that they expect me to watch their son.
The worst part is that it creates problems with my own children b/c one of my kids doesn't like him.
What do I do - they've called asking me to watch him again this weekend and I'm at the point where my feelings are hurt. I don't mean to take it out on their son by saying he can't stay, but I think his parents are just using me. .
2007-12-13 03:44:02 · 35 answers · asked by redslippers 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
There is only one thing you should do. STOP watching the kid. Nothing else should be said. If they aren't willing to help you out when you need help, then they aren't really "friends".
2007-12-13 03:51:14 · answer #1 · answered by =) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you keep watching their son, and they go out partying for "free" then yes, that's called using you.. Since they're married, they need to take care of their own child and not hire you for free and make them take care of their son. So, what you should do is, you should either..
1) Re-build your relationship with me, but not become a part-time babysitter. If you really like them, then you can always save this relationship but do NOT let them use you! Then if you keep on "obeying" them.. Then, they just won't stop because in their minds it's like "Oh, well.. Our friend can take care of our son while we're out".. Well, they need to hire a baby sitter if they want to go out or either let the man of the house get a job and the woman take care of their son, or switch!
2) Break your relationship with me, and stop being their nanny. Just, don't answer their calls and don't answer their offers, and so on. If you do want to say last words, tell them goodbye.
Just, consider your feelings first, then decide.
Don't let them use you.
2007-12-13 03:51:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you think they are or could be better friends try and talk with them about how you feel... If you can do this in person and tell them that you feel used and that friendship is a two-way street... However, if you think that it will fall on deaf ears than just start distancing yourself from them.. What do you have to lose..? They don't invite you out and they expect you to watch their child... So, if you don't hear from them it's NOT a bad thing.... I would decline watching their child.. Tell them you have other plans "sorry". Also, why punish your children by making them play/spend time with a child they don't like... ?
good luck
2007-12-13 03:50:14 · answer #3 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well .. I uess you have to stop ... if you really feel that that is true .. then just tell them you can not baby sitt their child .. then they have to find another person and propably hire someone .. that well make them feel the need for $$$ again ... and stay with there child instead of partying and through there child on you ...
I uess also you need to stop offerng that man work ... if you need somethingg then get a profissional who would finish the work before gettin paid ...
You know people by trying them .. you did .. so you know them ...
You are not taking it on there child .. because they have to find someone else ...
You have alife to live too .. and a hard one too .. you are a single mother ... that is hard I believe .. you are not doing anything wron by saying NO ...
2007-12-13 04:04:04 · answer #4 · answered by Mylo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would explain to them why you will not watch their son. You're helping them out, and they won't help you? There's 2 in the household, and only 1 in yours? That is quite unfair and downright rude. You are worth the same respect and dignity as you are giving them.
If this cannot be resolved, I suggest you find other friends who will respect you. It is quite possible they don't realize what they are doing to you. Have a pow-wow with them and explain how you feel. Perhaps they will turn over a new leaf.
2007-12-13 03:57:00 · answer #5 · answered by Leopardlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound like they aren't really your friends.
a friend will at least try to do back for you. I never say that a friend owes me (unless its a special arrangement) but i do expect a little help now and then.
And whats with them going out all the time? usually that means spending money, and if they are needing all this help from you because of finances, they don't have money to go out and play.
there are two of them, and only one of you. you also have more children then they do. they should be helping YOU.
And if your kids don't like their kid, it doesn't sound like a fun play time for anyone.
i think you are right, that they are using you. If they were friends they would be inviting you over for dinners or helping you out or something.
2007-12-13 03:54:26 · answer #6 · answered by Jim S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And there is the key... If they're actually friends, then there is no accounts & balances spreadsheet. Friendship transcends bookkeeping entries.
But if they're just good acquaintances who tend to USE that relationship, then you need to decide what you owe them. Other people are VERY good at determining how you should use YOUR time, and are adept at using guilt to reinforce their desires. As long as you feel that you have some kind of obligation toward their children, then they will be relieved of their own obligation, won't they?
2007-12-13 03:51:50 · answer #7 · answered by Marc X 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW! You were being used big time. Best thing is just to forget about it. Forget about them and go on with your own life. Your obviously a good, generous person and people take you for granted. So just move on. Don't expect them to call. You have 2 children who need you so its best to forget the past and live your future. Do it for your childrens sake!
2007-12-13 03:49:29 · answer #8 · answered by MaRi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate confrontation, but I have always found that it's best to talk about things. You should express to them what the issue is so they at least are aware of it. After they know and they continue to do it then their "benefits" expire from you. Still be their friend but I don't think you should help them out any more until they can do the same for you.
2007-12-13 03:49:24 · answer #9 · answered by meekee02 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Each time they ask you to baby sit from now on, tell them you are busy. See how they react over time. If they are real friends, then they'll understand. If they start drifting away from you when there's nothing in it for them, then you know it's time to find some new friends.
I've had friends like this; gradually I just stopped returning their calls. The real friends are still with me today.
2007-12-13 03:55:09 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋