What do you do when you're married to someone who searches for your inadequacies?

Answer 1

Man I feel your pain. There's no pleasing them sometimes. I'll watch the answers with you...Good luck.

Answer 2

usually when a person is doing this, two things come to mind; they are either finding that they are not happy in the relationship, and instead of ;looking at what they can do to betrter the situation, they place an unusual amount of blame and negativity on their mate. Or sometimes, it is a red flag, letting you knw the person may be thinking about leaving. Either way, if you feel that you want to save the relationship, I would suggest asking you mate if you guys could go to couple counseling. Beware; I have seen that when one of the mates ask this, the other mate, may start unloading ALL that they are feeling, and then you may feel attacked, so just remeber top tell you mate that you love her and feel that you guys should really try talking this out with a therapist. Try to save it for the couch, because if you don't it could pretty sticky trying to sort through it all by yourself. Best of luck.....

Answer 3

You sit down and talk about it. And I mean, hard. REALLY really talk. No accusations, just air out the cupboards. Start the conversation by saying "I feel badly when you point out that I'm no good at _____. Are you unhappy with me? And if you are, what can I do, within what I'm capable, to change this? " and go from there. Be ready to hear her answers. Be especially ready to accept responsibility if it's fair for you to do so. Explain to her how it makes you feel when she says these things to you and suggest to her how you can work together to improve both of your shortcomings. Be realistic. Make sure you both understand everyone is an individual and we ALL have things we aren't so good at doing. Don't point fingers. Discuss.

The key ingredients in a relationship include the ability to have open communication.

Once the above fails, you can suggest counseling for you both. It is my experience this sometimes takes some convincing on one or both parthers, but, contrary to popular belief, counseling isn't just there to salvage a crumbling marriage. Often, it can strengthen a very good one.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Life is alot like digging for gold. You literally have to shovel through tons and tons of dirt before you find a single ounce of gold. (which is the good) When you find it nuture it and watch it grow. People are like this. If we were digging for gold we would be crazy excited when we got it. Why people don't do this with eachother is frustrating. Unfortunately alot of people think that by pointing out our shortcomings it will bring out the best in us. It doesn't it just makes us sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop. Tell her how you really feel and what this is doing to you. See if she can tell you what she does like about you and try to focus on that. Tell her she will be amazed at how much better you will seem to her. Be a good finder instead of dirt finder.Good luck!!!!

Answer 5

Well you get thick skinned that's for certain.
You bring it to their attention, make certain she knows...is aware of what she is doing and how it is making you feel. Tell her, I mean really tell her.
" I feel this way, when you say this".
Break it completely down. Once you have made yourself completely clear, and her completely aware (because I am assuming this has to hurt and make you feel uncomfortable and devalued) if she continues to behave in this manner, you have a very unpleasant answer on your hands. She does not, and is not considerate of your feelings.
Hopefully for you it won't turn out that way...........the best case scenario is you find a meeting "in the middle" place and work from there on a better way to communicate each others wants, needs, and desires in regards to the others behaviors.
Otherwise, you have to figure out just what you can endure, and for the sake of what??
I know, I'm trying to figure out the same thing.
Good Luck, your a wise man, you'll get it right.
Peace and agape love.....Belle
**Shyewolf...gave a great answer!

Answer 6

Let them search. More important, what are you doing for your self? Are you looking at your "inadequacies?" Are you accepting them as normal, or adjusting yourself to eliminate them or alter them to YOUR liking? This is important.

If your wife is focusing on your inadequacies rather than your strengths she is doing so out of HER insecurities. Ultimately you will have to decide if this is the person you truly want as your life's partner. Good luck. I think you deserve to be treated better.

Answer 7

I guess if you married them you figured you could make things work.....so just continue trying to make it work and make her realize noone is perfect. Some people are just perfectionists and focus on mostly flaws....I've had to experience that. If you find that trying to work things out is causing more stress than good then it may be that you just have to throw in the towel. You can't live a full life being unhappy with the person your with, wether you love them or not.

Answer 8

tell her to stop. What ever your differences are, that's what attracted you to her. Have you always been the same way? Or did you change after marriage. Some women will love you all through courtship but as soon as you are married is like, you don't do this or you don't do that. It's like grow up this is who I am like it or leave it. I hope that you are lazy cuz that's a hard one to swallow. Change what you can and accept what you can't change that's my theory.

Answer 9

People who always point out others flaws NEED to do that because INSIDE they feel inferior (especially to you). It is not up to you to help her, she needs to do that herself, and the first step is admitting there is a problem. That may be tricky. Therapy would help. Until she is HAPPY with herself, body, soul, mind, and spirit she can't stop. The ONLY way you can help is to offer to support her getting help. Please don't let it bring you down to where she is.

"The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for 3 years is being in a bad relationship for 3 years and 1 day.".

Answer 10

men have inadequacies just as women do....but as they say cant live with them and cant live without them.....Oh and women do love to cause so much Drama....from my experience at least...

Answer 11

Think: do you want to put up with this for the rest of your life???? Do they know what they're doing to you? Would they be willing to stop? Maybe she wants out but feels trapped and is trying to make you so miserable that you'll leave her??? Good luck!!