How do I tell my 19 yo daughter she smells "funny"?

Question

She is overweight and it seems like she has an odd odor about her that plain out stinks. She is very clean in that she always wears clean clothes, bathes everyday (sometimes twice a day), wears deoderant/perfumes/etc. She no longer lives at home but when she does come home to visit, we all notice the strong odor about her. She doesn't seem to notice. It is bad enough that after she sits on the couch for a while, the smell stays and when she leaves I have to use sprays to get rid of the smell. I think it may be a medical issue or else related to her being overweight. But since she is 19 I can not talk to a doctor about her for "privacy" reasons (that came from the doctor themselves). She is very sensitive and gets mad everytime I try to offer a suggestion to help her and she keeps gaining more weight even though I offered to pay for a gym membership and a nutrition education course for her (she refused). How do I talk to her and explain the smell? I'm sure others notice.

BTW - Rudness is not an option because I have more manners than that. It is not like someone has gas and stinks from time to time. I really feel this is a medical issue. Plus I am not going to be so sarcastic to my daughter and hurt her feelings. That is just plain rude to do that do anybody.

She smells a lot like my grandmother did BEFORE they discovered she had ovarian cancer. After her surgery for cancer, the smell disappeared. But all of my daughter's pap tests come back okay.

Answer 1

Medical students are trained to walk in a patients room, and observe, not only with their eyes, and their questions, but their noses. Certain cancers smell like roses, other diseases smell like bread baking. You really are going to have to have a frank talk with her, it may save her life. She could have a tumor, a disease, she may be diabetic, or pre diabetic. Please sit down with her in private and express your concern, I am sure she already knows about this, you have to convince her to see a doctor. Say I am your mother, I love you, I do not want to lose you. The weight gain makes me think pre diabetic.

Answer 2

Ignore some of those stupid comments about douching- this is obviously not related to a vaginal issue and that was pretty crude. I have had an issue like this with an old neighbor. She babysat us when I was little at her sisters house and slept on the couch. It was so bad they ended up having to toss the couch. Nothing was ever said about it. I have had 3 c-sections and I can tell you that it took a while to heal the second and third times, before I lost the weight and it healed I could smell it because I had a horrible flabby hanging belly for a few months. Nothing I could do would fix it until I lost the weight. I would tell her as nicely as you can, recommend that you both go to the doc together. I am sure it is bacteria that get into the folds of your skin as you sweat. Even if you bath you will still sweat in these areas soon after- think about an armpit-however you can't put deoderant all over every nook and cranny. Maybe she could use baby powder all over the problem areas after bathing. Probaly the only thing that will help is losing the weight. She may not take the help from you due to being prideful or not wanting to admit she has a problem. Have you thought about lap band surgery. It works like a gastric bypass in the way it "shrinks" your stomach only it is not as invasive and can be reversed as they are just putting a band aroudn the stomach and not actualy cutting the stomach or messing with her intestines. Good luck this is truely a touchy issue-

Answer 3

Not to frighten you, but I think it may be an health issue: I have diabetes and sometimes, I smell odd, either from high sugar (weirdly sweet) or from the medication itself (weirdly chemical). I had a roommate with an odd and pungent smell, sort of like dead mouse, and it turned out to be uterine cancer. She's had pap smears, but she may need a more thorough exam.

To talk to her, start with you "know that she's clean and bathes, but you're afraid of a medical issue because.... " Whatever you do, her feelings may be hurt. She's 19, and everything you say now she may see as treating her like a child. You may want another family member to tell her if she's really prickly with you specifically. Does she have sisters? Can a favorite auntie or a grandmother tell her?

Good luck.

Answer 4

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RE:
How do I tell my 19 yo daughter she smells "funny"?
She is overweight and it seems like she has an odd odor about her that plain out stinks. She is very clean in that she always wears clean clothes, bathes everyday (sometimes twice a day), wears deoderant/perfumes/etc. She no longer lives at home but when she does come home to visit, we all notice...

Answer 5

I doubt your daughter's strange smell has anything to do with her being overweight. But you may be right about it being another medical problem. She could have an infection or open wound that could be causing the odor.

True, there's nothing you can do to force her to see a doctor or get treatment for her. However, you may want to let her know that you've noticed something odd and you're concerned that she's OK. If the smell is really that strong, there's a good chance she already knows about it.

Answer 6

Presume you mean tell your friend that her partner is having an affair with her daughter (who is his stepdaughter). No I would not tell, even if I knew for certain, because of the implications for her relationship with her daughter. I might have a word with the daughter and ask her to consider what would happen to her family if the truth came out, but really this is a terrible situation and you should just step well back and wait on the edges to be able to support your friend. You will need to consider carefully whether it would be wise to tell your friend anything at all. Even if you tell her he is having an affair but don't specify with whom, it may still come out that it's with her daughter, and both mother and daughter may be shattered. The affair and the relationship with the mother may both come to an end with the mother none the wiser. The daughter would then have to live with the guilt for the rest of her life but no further harm would be done.

Answer 7

I'm sure it is weight related because I had a young employee about 300 lbs. with the same problem. I finally had to confront her because no one wanted to work with her. It is an odd smell - like a sour smell. After I spoke to the girl, it got better, but didn't disappear completely. As her mom, just try to break it to her gently. I think she would rather hear it from you then someone else.

Answer 8

This sounds cruel, but for her sake it would be good for someone who loves her to tell her. Any feminine hygiene problem can cause odors. Since she is the originator of the odor she cannot smell it.

Exactly what you have said here is what she needs to hear. You could do it in a personal note.

God Bless and good luck.

WHILE IT SEEMS RUDE, IT IS MUCH BETTER TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU TELL YOU ABOUT A PROBLEM THAN HAVE PEOPLE STAY AWAY FROM YOU BECAUSE OF THE PROBLEM. Then She can work on taking care of it.

Answer 9

It probably is her weight seeing as she cleans daily and changes her clothes. I would talk to her about the smell as pleasantly as you possibly can. If you can smell it then she can smell it also. You don't want to offend her.. Just talk to her openly and honestly and maybe she will say that she notices it also. Good luck to you. Also, take walks with her for a form of exercise since she won't go to a gym. That way you can walk and have good talks together.

Answer 10

You should just come out and tell her, but be nice about it, and do it privately. Even though she bathes everyday, she may not be washing correctly or she may be skipping some spots. If she gets mad, then just tell her that you wanted to tell her so nobody picks on her or makes fun of her.