My wife of five years was diagnosed with bi-polar in her teen years and recently began treatment for her disorder.
I recently found out that she has been cheating on me when one of her friends called me and told me.
At first she tried keeping her lie but finnaly admited to this one act. I just don't believe her that it was just this one event. She has cheated in the past and never has confessed any thing without first being caught. We have been separated for about two weeks now and she is beaging for me to take her back.
She hadn't been taking meds untell I left and basicly says she would have not cheated if she had been medicated and that if I take har back things will be differant and she'll always be true.
I think that this is mostly a cop out.
Answers please help!
2007-12-13 01:59:23 · 22 answers · asked by Dirk D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, I think that it was still her choice.......she just doesn't want to take responsibility for her decision.
I am not bi-polar,but I have been depressed and I was medicated and the decisions that I made before the meds .... I knew that they were the wrong ones but I didn't care.....after the meds......I started to care.....
2007-12-13 02:02:54 · answer #1 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she is truly Bi-polar and is taking medication then that could have been the cause. By not taking the medication she could have been experiencing a chemical in balance which was making her do things that she normally wouldnt do. Its really your choice noone in this forum can say "yes go back to her" or "no kick her the curb" its all about how much do you love her to forgive and move on. The trust will never repair itslf unless you want it to. There has got to be a willingness on both ends to make it work. I say dont get back together right away give it some time the healing process takes time especially if there is hurt still there. Give her a chance to get back on meds and have her body process the meds then work on your relationship. Take this time to let her figure out if what she did is truly cuz of the lack of meds or simply something that she wanted to do also take this time to find yourslf and see if your willing to forgive and move on. Good luck!!!!
2007-12-13 10:32:58 · answer #2 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a cousin through marriage that is bi-polar and it is no fun for her and anyone around her. People with bi-polarism go through such extreme emotional changes that at the time of her cheating she may not have been thinking clearly at all. She may have reached such a pinnacle of anger that she acted without sense. Does this make her cheating exusable? Of course not. If she's going to use her condition as a 'get out of jail free' card you've got a big problem on your hands. She does not feel remorse.
As for the lying about her condition in the first place, it is very common for people suffering from bi-polarism and their families to lie or conceal the truth about the condition because of shame. The fact that she didn't tell you doesn't really surprise me. This is part and parcel of the disease. Do yourself a huge favour. If you decide to take her back please do all you can to study up on this condition and support her. Also, make sure she stays on her medication. It isn't uncommon for bi-polar sufferers to stop taking their meds or simply forget. She must stay on top of things for her (and you) to have a normal life.
2007-12-13 10:27:32 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, are you in denial! I,ve worked with people with bi-polar disorders & believe me, they know right from wrong, & stop thinking its because she was off her medication, you are trying to justify her cheating & that my friend is just you trying to sweep the dirt under the rug, & it works for a while but as time goes by you are gonna grow bitter & angry towards her & life in general. Her problem is not about being bi-polar its about her not having self esteem & her having issues with depression & again, these are not reasons to go banging other men, if you think theirs hope for your marriage then seek out a good marriage therapist & get to the heart of the problem but do not blame it on her being bi-polar!
2007-12-13 10:11:43 · answer #4 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of bi-polar (the "politically" correct term for manic depressive illness) also suffer from impulse control issues. It can turn the sweetest person into a raving maniac with violent, sexual, or impulse spending tendencies. During a manic episode (whether high or low) they can be totally out of control and do things they'd never think of during their "normal" periods.
"From high to low. From euphoria to depression. From recklessness to listlessness. These are the extremes associated with bipolar disorder, which can be a serious and disabling mental illness. Bipolar disorder is also known as manic-depression or manic-depressive illness — manic behavior is one extreme of this disorder and depression is the other.
Bipolar disorder often begins in adolescence or early adulthood and may persist throughout life. The causes of bipolar disorder are elusive, and there's no cure.
The flares of bipolar disorder may last for weeks or months, causing great disturbances in the lives of those affected, their friends and their families. Left untreated, the condition usually worsens." Quote taken from the link below.
She's just started treatment for a disorder that has controlled her life for a long time. She will need your love and support. Stick with it for a while and see how she is. If you left her now, it could cause a downward spiral that will only worsen her disease.
2007-12-13 10:19:30 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. WC 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You suspicions are probably correct. Medication helps those with bi-polar disorder in terms of mood stabilization, which is different from factors involving traits of honesty/dishonesty. Even though it is not atypical for bi-polar females to be permiscuous, the fact that she has not "confessed" without first being caught indicates that her affairs were probably well within her control. Your "cop out" theory is probably correct.
2007-12-13 12:04:56 · answer #6 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO WAY!!! Listen to me ....I have been going for treatment for Bipolar disorder, and i have cheated on my husband and been very permiscuios during this time of my "MANIC" state...Get some research into this... when your wife is in this phase she can feel as if she can do anything that...and justify it to herself...outragous behavior is part of this, being sexually active , lying ect... Its a serious thing. the extreme behaviors...even if it has been in the past she could be on the HIGH of the Bipolar scale which can last a long time or even a hort period... She does however need help dealing with this, and its nothing you can help her with but SUPPORT her, and YOU have to make a decision whether your gonna stand by her, thru the good time and very bad, sickeness and health... and learn to accept she has a disease...IT TAKES A VERY STRONG, LOVING CARING AND UNDERSTANDING MAN to stay with her...get some counceling fer her, FOR YOU MOST OF ALL andfor your marriage... Best of luck
2007-12-13 10:12:22 · answer #7 · answered by happyslysmile 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
bi polar means she has mood swings.she might feel certain way for alittle while and switch all the sudden.she can be happy at one moment and be a b*t*c* the next but as far as cheating no offense its a cop out.i had a friend and her husband didnt take the meds and never cheated on her but he mostly was a pain in the a** because he didnt take his meds.it didnt work out either in their relationship.
2007-12-13 10:07:10 · answer #8 · answered by monica_hogard 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think so too...I have a friend who was married to someone that is bipolar. That is why they got a divorce. She was sleeping with anyone and everyone that would have her. He partly blames it on the mental disorder but I just don't have that much sympathy. I mean I know it's a real & difficult thing to deal with BUT people with bipolar disorder have control over their actions. It's not hallucination, it's elation/depression. If they KNOW they have the disorder, they should be able to get treatment...at the VERY least they should be able to keep their pants buttoned!
I think she'll do it again but you have to follow your heart. My husband has been unfaithful and he has no disorder to blame. But I forgave him & we're healthy & happy now. Does that mean it won't ever happen again...maybe not. That means I chose to stick with him & work it out!
Good Luck & follow your heart!
2007-12-13 10:06:35 · answer #9 · answered by buckshotbullies 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm going with cop-out. Unfortunately for you, bi-polar disorder wouldn't cause a person to do some thing like this. It can cause mood swings, yes, but will not be able to make a person do things so extreme, that they otherwise would not.
It seems it's time to let go, unless it won't bother you to have her do this to you again. Sorry.
2007-12-13 10:03:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋