What does a person do about a hubsand text messaging another woman?

Question

My hubsand is txt messaging another woman. He has no reaction and deny's anything is going on with this woman.
He was caught on November26,. He looked me in the face and said he did'nt know that number. However I found 18 pages of text messages from this woman. This woman is a co-worker and workes with my hubsand and is married. We have been married 20 years.
However he went to a christmas party last night, and has not been to a company christmas party in over 20 years of work.
He took off work to go to this party. He never takes off work.
I slept on the couch, I don't want to give up my family of 20 years. I try to talk to him, he has no reaction and I get mad.
Please help with some advice....

Answer 1

I SAY EMAIL HER AS IF YOU ARE YOUR HUSBAND TELL HER YOU WANT TO MEET WITH HER SOMEWHERE AND SEE IF SHE REPLYS BACK AND THEN GO THERE AND FACE HER TELL HER IF SHE IS HAVING AFFAIR WITH YOUR HUSBAND THEN YOU ARE GOING TO HER HUSBAND TELLING HIM ALL ABOUT THERE BULLSH*IT I TELL HER SHE BETTER STOP FIND SOME REASON TO TELL HIM IT'S OVER. 20 YEARS IS A LONG TIME I HOPE YOU TWO WORK IT ALL OUT.BEST OF LUCK....

Answer 2

Why didn't you go with him or show up there......I am not putting you down, however this is what I would have done. I would have made it a point to talk to her, who cares what his co workers thought, it is only a job....you are his wife....I would not have created a sean....I would have made her very uncomfortable though talking about what goes on in our house, telling her about the children, how affectionate he is at night and how lucky I was to have been married to him for 20 years. I think next time you have the opportunity, spill the home beans on her. As for him......if you can in the next couple of days, get the kids out of the house for an entire night. When they are gone, put his bags on the porch. I am certain as you are that there is something brewing with him. Once his bags are on the porch, he will start thinking about you and his life with you. If he picks them up and leaves, which I doubt that he will......he will want to fight with you...but if he does leave it will be just pride and for show....once you take away the comfort and love he has received for all of these years he will realize what he is loosing and want to fight for it. Right now all he has is an upset and hurt wife and the composed other woman. It is attractive to a man when a woman stands tall and makes a stand. No matter how badly you want to grovel, don't. Tell him like it is - you aren't and can't live like this. I wish you the best. Turn the tables on him.

Answer 3

I can understand how you do not want to give up on the marriage especially after 20 years. But you must know, that if talking to your husband has had no effect on him, then what else can you do but to take a firm stand against what he is doing? He is walking on dangerous ground towards infidelity and you are making it easy for him to do so. He needs a firm stand from you to sway him back into the right direction. You need to ask him if he still wants to be married, if so then he needs to cut out all communications with this other woman or the marriage is over. This is a no tolerance situation and he must come to see this and take it serious. Stop letting him confuse you with his denial and lies, and start seeing the writing on the wall. No begging, no crying, just a firm stand or else it is over. Otherwise, you are making it easy for him to play around and still have it both ways. Only when a man is faced with the reality of his actions for him to even consider steering into the right direction. This will be the most difficult thing you ever had to do, for he will test your seriousness in the beginning, but if you do not do this, then what? Then be ready to share your man and I know you do not want to do this.
Wanted to add, I agree with "firegirl" I bet there will be a change to their secret texting" do it and don't be afraid, you are his wife and she and him are wrong in what they are doing.

Answer 4

RED FLAG ALLERT! Wow, what a guy! And why did you not go to the x-mas party? This sounds like a big, big mess, & just the mere fact that he is texting another woman 18 pages, tells me that theirs more here going on then meets the eye. If this were my hubby I,d confront this woman, but if you do it, do it very respectfully, dont confront her with rage & anger as you wont acomplish anything except getting a door slamed in your face, approach her with dignity & grace, this way you wont appear to be a threat, and you will get more answers from someone who feels comfortable versus a scared woman, then just come out and ask her what her relationship is with your hubby? Work affairs happen all the time & the reason they happen is simple, its because we spend more time with our co-workers then we do with our own spouses, & this allows bonds to be made & inturn some people, like maybe your hubby, act upon their feelings instead of their common sence & next thing ya know, we have situations such as yours, where your husband is having relationships with his co-workers. Anyway, good luck!

Answer 5

Wow! Sounds like what I went through 5 yrs. ago. I have been married for almost 30yrs. You do know that if your "GUT" is telling you there is something wrong, then you are 99% right! My husband I think was going through that "Mid Life Crisses" They seek new thrills and adventure. It makes him feel good that an other woman is attracted to them. Lifts their ego and (other things) I am not saying all men are like this, but most! I found my husband checking his cell phone abit too often. I found he was acting differently. I would call his cell when he was at work and he never turns his cell off, but it was off. We were talking less and less, he just had this guilty look! I mean after 25yrs. of marriage you really know the person inside and out! He even started to worry about his few grey hairs and started to colour his hair! Love making was different. I confronted him. Never did he once admit to anything! I went to my mom and dad's. I was there for only one week and he called and was crying on the phone that he doesn't want to through away 25yrs. of marriage. I went back to him. To this day he still says he was never with another woman. In my eyes he is not a man not to be able to admit it! Five yrs have passed and I never mention what we went through as not to throw it up in his face all the time. I think it took me to leave for him to realize what ever he was up to was NOT worth losing me. You have to scare them a bit. I know he had an affair, a wife just knows! Since then I no longer have this sick feeling in my gut. I also no longer have this urge to check his cell phone. I just have this feeling of peace again, if you know what I mean. Hey if he wasn't cheating or wanting the attention of younger gals why on his own did he stop colouring his hair when we got back together. Oh now he is ok with his grey side burns! Also if he works late, check pay stubs! Call his work. Check for changing habits. The ones that don't talk are the worst and have the most to hide! Like my husband did! Good luck!

Answer 6

Honestly, I think you should confront him and let him know how you feel...I, myself would be very upset if my husband was texting another woman too...So I can understand how you feel and how this can create a huge problem for the both of you...He should be the one to have more respect for you and for your marriage because reguardless if this woman is married she probably doesn't care how you feel...If she did she would know that she wouldn't like the idea of her husband doing the same thing...I think this can be worked through and you should not let this woman or situation cause problems between you and your husband...It's easier to give up then to stay and try...But, he has to know that this kind of behavior is not normal and is hurtful to you....If he loves you he will stop before he destroys the best thing that he has in his life which is you....I truly hope things correct itself because you truly don't deserve this at all.....All the best...

Answer 7

I really feel for you, you are in a horrible situation. Your husband of 20 years, is definetly hiding something and it sounds as though he is in this rather deeply. I would suggest confronting him directly, perhaps confronting the other woman, and if they won't admit the truth do some detective work to get to the bottom of this. You have 20 years of your life invested in this marriage and you need to know the truth and decide from there what to do about this.

Answer 8

Why didn't you go to the Christmas party? You sound kinda helpless. He needs a friend and isn't getting it from you so he is exploring the possibility of getting it somewhere else. You need to address this now and not just ***** at him. Counseling may help but you can't just stand by and let it happen. You may have grown too comfortable and stopped trying to be a wife. Get off the couch and start doing.

Answer 9

That is not just a woman it is his mistress. The biggest mistake in your life was getting married. Here are the facts of life you obviously have not learned:

1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything.
I don't lie.

Answer 10

He obviously doesn't care if it bothers you or not. He sounds like a selfish a** to me. I think your only options are to put up with it or not.

I would find out all her info and call her freakin' husband. If your husband won't stop, maybe her husband can stop her. Of course, that doesn't mean your husband won't do this again, so she isn't really the problem - he is.

I certainly understand you not wanting to give up your family, but you already know the sacrifice that is going to require in this situation.

Answer 11

sounds like something may be going on with this co worker. first off he denys knowing the number RED FLAG then you find all the text messages. and he goes to this party without you???? I think he has some explainging to do and if he is cheating i suggest get out! dont sacrifice your morals for his mid life crisis!