help! Mother wont respect husband! Feeling pressured to give into her, husband cant take anymore disrespect!?

Question

My mother really for some reason has never liked my husband who does everything he can for his family. He supports this family totally, he's the only one that can work right now.. and well, she insulted his family whom I love very much by saying that his little sister 17, whom is pregnant should give her baby up because the baby would be better off with a better family. I exploded on her and now we are fighting. I would love nothing more to get along with my mother. But my husband comes first. But I have so much guilt because she lives alone and all she wants me to do is bring over my children so she can see them. Not to mention its the holidays And my children love her. Im afraid though because I dont want her influencing them to think bad of thier father if im not around, because she has talked bad about him before while we werent their to the rest of the family. well really what I need help with is, how do I get my mother to actually treat my husband with the respect he so deserves?

Answer 1

The first thing you have to be sure of is that there is no dishonesty between you and your husband. You have to keep communication open at home between you and your husband.It will be much easier for her to influence you if you and your husband aren't communicating. My Mom has done the exact same thing with my husband. The only way you will ever get her to respect your husband is to make her choose between loosing her daughter and grand kids or respecting your husband. I had to spend Christmas last year without my Mom too so I know how you feel.I have also made the mistake of listening to my Mom and I lost him for a while and that hurt so much more.If you love your husband you have to make a stand no matter what. Your Mom will come around when she See's you wont put up with it anymore.You and your husband are the ones responsible for your children. Your Mom needs to know she MUST respect that.It's hard I know. But no matter how much it hurts you it's the only way you will stop her from disrespecting him. And by the way she is not only disrespecting him by doing this she is disrespecting you as well. Good luck I hope this helps.

Answer 2

Given your situation, it's a little difficult to deal with. You love your mom and would feel guilty for choosing your husband over her, but when you get married and have children, that part of your family comes first. He obviously seems to be a very loving and caring guy. I can't imagine why your mother would speak so low about him. If you haven't yet, talk to her about it and express your feelings about how upset you get when she says such horrible things about your husband. Tell her that you don't understand what her deal is with him and maybe she'll tell you why she says the things she says. If it's not a valid reason (such as simply because his sister is 17 and pregnant), explain to her how shallow it is of her to base her judgement of your husband on something so petty. Having a baby is supposed to be a wonderful thing. And if she can support herself and the baby, who cares how old she is. If there is a different reason for her disrespect, you can make the decision as to whether it is a good reason or not and talk it out with her. Tell her that regardless of her feelings toward him, he is your husband and you love him and your kids adore him and he's done everything to support your family. And let her know that if she can't respect that, than not to bother with you anymore. If she really cares about you and your children (or if maybe it's all due to a big misunderstanding), she'll come around. Most grandmas don't want to miss out on special times with their grandchildren. :-) Hope this helps.

Answer 3

There is a reason why your mother feels she can talk bad about your husband and still feel she can get away with it, that reason is because you have taught her she can. Always be respectful of your mother, but this does not mean you have to put up with her disrespect of your husband. Tell her in no uncertain terms is she to disrespect him or she will be out of your life, period! Do not be afraid to stand up to your mother, for until you do, your mother will always think of you as a little girl who she can dictate and tell what to do. Be a woman and let your mom know that if she continues in this disrespecting behaviour then you will have no choice but to put her out of your life. And then do this without ever looking back. Most times, once your mom sees that her influence is no longer effective and she begins to see you are serious, she will, if she cares, she will learn to respect not only you but your husband also. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

Since you don't say what she is saying about your husband that is untrue, then I am assuming that there is a grain of truth to what she says and maybe you are choosing to overlook his faults? Maybe not, I am just throwing out my impression of what you are saying.

It seems to me that it will be more than a little difficult for a 17 year old to raise a baby alone, given that she is still in school and will need someone to watch the baby at times when she is in school or working....so your mother seems to be just giving some sensible advice. If your husband is supporting his family financially, then one more mouth to feed is unreasonable to ask of him and not very reasonable to think that it would be good for a 17 year old girl still in high school and without a job to raise a baby alone (with her brother paying all her and her child's bills). Of course she can go on medicaid and get financial help that way, but still will need someone to watch and care for the baby when she is in school or if she gets a job (which she should do as soon as she is able AND go to school). Everyone should consider what is best for THE BABY....look at all the options, including adoption. You don't necessarily HAVE to go that route of adoption, but at least consider that it may be a better situation for the child (and less stressful financially for your husband).

As for the holidays and her talking bad about your husband...if say he has been in jail, is abusive to you or the kids or has done drugs, etc, etc...then she is concerned for you and your kids as any parent would be. Of course she could be just saying mean things also that are undeserved. If what she says has a grain of truth to it, consider the possibility that she is viewing your life from an outside point of view (she is not in love with the guy, like you are and so does not overlook his faults as easily as you would). Just consider her point of view by trying to step outside of your point of view...

Answer 5

Is this all you,ve got? Your mother verbally recomends that a 17 year old child gives her child up for adoption & she,s insulted everyone? My bio mom gave me up & thank god she did, because I had the greatest childhood and had things & did things that I could have never ever had if I wasnt put up for adoption, it amazes me how people have this wrong impression of adoption, they act as if you are throwing your child in the trash, when in fact most of the time you are preventing your child from having a life of poverty & drama & disfunction. So dont bash your mom for advising adoption, I mean she,s not advising abortion, its adoption! Its ensuring that a child is well provided for, its a very loving & selfless thing. A 17 year old girl, cant possibly provide a child with a stable life, does this child have a good home for her child? does she have any medical insurance? does she have a car? Is she married? & if so is he the father? I mean these are just a few things that this child will need, otherwise he or she will be just another statistic of a teenage unwed mother. And if shes so bad, sit down & have a heart to heart with her about her behavior & tell her how you feel.

Answer 6

I commend you for standing up for your husband and that he comes first in your family. Your mother will now have to learn the hard way. She isn't taking your request from previous talks seriously. you say she's all alone well tell her if she wants to continue seeing you and your children she will have to STOP putting your husband down. You don't care what she thinks of him. He treats you and the family well and takes care of you and its not up to her to like him.

And if she can't respect you the daughter then she is also hurting you when she talks this way about the man you love and you will have none of that till she comes around and let her sulk and be mad she will have to learn that its your way or no way. and that you are not willing to accept her cruelty towards him or any other member of your family.

Answer 7

you mom is probably having a hard time with being alone. Just sit down, alone and talk to your mom. Tell her exactly what you have said here. Your husband is a good provider, husband and father and as much as you love her and would like to spend time with her you cant until she shows a little respect for him! Just because she thinks negative dont mean she has to say it, all of us have to learn to bite our tongues every now and then.

Answer 8

you need to be honest with your mother without disrespecting her two wrongs don't make a right let her know that you will not put up with this kind of thing and that if she can't do that then you will not let the children come over for a while that is your husband and your right he does come first and she needs to realize that she may be one of those people that feels like she can say what ever she wants and that you just have to deal with it be strong to your convictions

Answer 9

Don't have anything to do with her until she can show some respect. Do not talk to her, do not go see her, do not invite her in if she comes over, do not allow your children to see or talk to her. Your husband has the right to this respect and by disrespecting him she is also disrespecting you. Tell her why you are doing this and you will no longer tolerate it.

Answer 10

Lay down the law with her. You need to tell her that you love her, but your life is with your husband and children now. If she cannot treat your husband and his family with respect, then she will not be allowed to be a part of your lives.

There is no reason to fight with her; fighting is pointless. You simply have to tell her what you will and will not tolerate, and then leave it to her to make her choice.