My wife and I have been married just over a year. Before we were married, we found out she was pregnant. I took responsibility, we got married and have been pretty good together since, until I found e-mails of her back and forth which married persons should not be exchanging with a guy she knew before we were married. She even let me become really good friends with this guy and his wife.Then I found one in which she asked him if he thought our daughter looked like him. I confronted her and she lied about all of it until I showed her the e-mails. The first time she said she was taken advantage of, but then they had sex once (she said she quickly told him no) after we were married. Don't you think she had to have some kind of idea while she was pregnant that the baby may not have been mine? She has not told me going on 3 years now. If I had not found it, then she may have never told me. Anyway, I had a paternity test done and I am not the father. Is there any reason I should let her back
2007-12-13 01:22:38 · 21 answers · asked by Joe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is sad. But, your wife wasn't just some helpless victim. She had to know that you might not have been the father. And, it wasn't JUST before you married. The fact is that she continued the relationship. Her e-mail about IF the child looked like him is damming. I doubt this can be fixed. It's not that she slept with him before you married, but the fact that she has at the VERY least kept an improper relationship going during your marriage.
2007-12-13 02:17:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude u should leave them both. she isn't worth it. she hid this from u & tried to play the baby off as yours. no leave her now. she is using u like a cash cow. i have no respect for that. this is the main reason whymen won't marry a woman because of sh*t like this. next thing i would do is take the paternity results & take her to court to prevent her from collecting child support. i know this may be mean but u are nt the biological father. u don't have to pay child support to this leach. let her & the real father do that. then file for divorce. spew all of her dirty laundry in court like no other. don't hold back.
u don't need a woman like that. take soem time off & take a vaction. join some clubs. this is ur time. better to find this out now than later.
as for the child this is tough. if u feel like u can be there for a child that was conceived by another man & be a father figure yes be there. if u feel like u can't be in the baby's life by all means leave. not everyone can deal w/ that
2007-12-13 06:23:36 · answer #2 · answered by conan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! First off, I'm so sorry to hear about that. I'm sure that is devastating news. Honestly, if you caught her in a lie and she still denied it to your face, I would lose all trust in her whatsoever.
But the thing is, she seems to admit to a little bit of the truth when you call her out on it with proof. But then she covers it up with something else that seems like another lie. "The first time, I was taken advantage of...." Really? If you were taken advantage of, why would you go back to that person and have sex with them?
If I were in your position, I'd find out why she slept with him more than the one time she was "taken advantage of." And I'd most likely get a divorce. I believe, if she knows she slept with someone else around the same time she got pregnant, she should have known of the possibility that the baby was not yours. And she kept that from you. So all of these lies have completely just ripped your world apart. I'd investigate it a little more and most likely file for divorce. It's tough, but if she lied to you about those things, Lord knows what else she would lie to you about.
2007-12-13 02:01:00 · answer #3 · answered by sweetie_33707 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does your wife love you?Do you love your wife?Do you love this baby?All this went on before you got married to her and a baby has come from her past life.You are married to her now not this guy and ok the baby is his so what.You going to take it out on the baby for what she did in the past with another guy.Dude this baby may not be your by blood but she only knows you as the father not this guy.Don't take it out on her because of what your wife and this guy did before you married her.This baby looks at you as the father she does not know about blood tests and things like that.Just let it go and go on with your life so you saw the e-mails .She didn't think to delete them like you would delete your e-mails thinking she would see yours.So you never told a lie to save your *** we all have one time or the other.Ok make her start showing her love more showing she loves you and wants to be with you.But what ever she did don't take it out on the baby she does not know what her mother did before.She see's you as the father in her life not this guy.Just work this thing out and be a family to this little girl.Good luck and hope things work out.
2007-12-13 02:14:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is kind of hard, I can see why you are confused but the fact is that she is a natural liar cause she would not have told you had you not caught her. Trust is everything in a relationship, without it there can not be a relationship. The child is my biggest concern though, you have to decide whether you want to continue to be in her life cause if not, now would be a better time to leave while she still young instead of investing more time and love and then decide to leave when she gets older and it hurts her even more. If you still love her try marriage counseling before you make any drastic decisions.
2007-12-13 01:48:49 · answer #5 · answered by mrslewis0819 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm nowhere near an expert, and I'm sure things are different depending on which state you are in, but I'm not seeing how the divorce being final is a factor. If you have court papers saying that you have custody, take her to court for violating the order. She, most likely, will not show up, and then they can issue an arrest warrant for her. My ex had a partial custody order for his daughter, and her mother took her out of state, but it was ok with him because it was within driving distance still. Well, then the mother moved out of the country. He took her to court for full custody, she didn't show up, and he won. She had to bring her daughter back to the States or face being arrested.
2016-05-23 09:00:05 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Frankly what I think is your wife is rotten for not being truthful to you. In addition...the present and obviously continuing contact to even the point that you're unkowningly introduced into the mix is more than rotten. Ten buks says this clown's poor wife hasn't a clue I'll bet either.
I don't know what I'd do. I'd certainally be pissed royally at the wife and ...well...sorry...but her credibility in my eyes would now be non-existant.
"Taken advantage of"...yeah...right. Child molesters take advantage of kids. Grown women do not allow themselves to be taken advantage of unless they want to be.
Oh...and if she tells you she was drunk when it happens then she has no self control either. I'm sorry for you buddy. This is really a lousy thing to find out.
2007-12-13 01:32:20 · answer #7 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Considering she was "taken advantage of", she was rather friendly with him afterwards. I feel sorry for the little girl, who has spent two years thinking you are "daddy".
The choice is yours, either you take back a woman who has lied to you, and cheated with the biological father after the marriage, or forgive and move on. Your wife is a lousy person, whatever you decide.
2007-12-13 01:34:12 · answer #8 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life is short as we all know. If you love her and the baby that has believed you are his dad, then by all means forgive her and stay married. You might regret any harsh move you make. Remember this, if you let her go she could end up with the uncaring man and the baby will then become his too. If you love her then forgive, and forgive some more.
2007-12-13 01:42:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get divorced. Go celebrate that you are out of the marriage nightmare. Learn your lesson and NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN. If you think you can go out there and find someone else go straight to a mental institution. You can't ever make a women happy and all she wants to eventually do is make you miserable!!! She has hasn't she?!?!? Good luck and Happy Holidays!!!
2007-12-13 02:04:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋