What can you forgive and what cant you forgive your spouse for?

Question

Plz help... I am married for the first time and cant get the balance in the relationship right... I have noone to ask these questions.

I know that everyone is different, but I grew up in a family where my Mom used to forgive everything so now I am oversuspicious and over demanding I think. That is the balance I am talking about... I need to know what other people think about this... to feel normal I suppose.

Answer 1

The balance is in the giving and taking.....One is a giver and the other is a taker. You need to find out if your out of balance there.

He may give 100% and you give 50% - Or You give 100% and he gives 50%.......You both need to give 100%.

You need to read the book The Five Languages of Love - Gary Chapman.

1. Service
2. Gifts
3. Affirmation
4. Quality Time
5. Touch

You need to find out his language as well as him finding out yours and then you will come together. It worked for me.

Answer 2

I would certainly forgive him for 'little things' such as leaving the lid up on the toilet seat; dropping his clothes on the floor; these type of things are trivial.

It depends on the person and how long you have been together and what your relationship has been like during this time as to what you will really forgive. But I like the motto 'Don't sweat the small stuff'. You can discuss those things calmly and openly and work something out. Physical abuse and drug addiction would be high on my list of unforgiveable.

Answer 3

I have to agree with D. Every woman is different in what they would forgive or not forgive there spouse for. Me personally I would never forgive him if he ever cheated on me, but others would. So it all depends on the person.

Answer 4

That's a personal thing - and cannot be answered by others.
Trust is crucial to a marriage - and if you don't have that you are in big trouble.

My theory is choose my battles -- underwear on the floor, too much time spent working on his race car, and goatee trimmings in the sink are battles I choose not to fight. They are not relationship ending or detrimental to the marriage --- lol they are just annoying!
Cheating, abuse, lack of respect -- would be battles I would choose to fight because I consider those deal breakers. Luckily - I don't have those problems......just goatee hair in the sink and underwear on the floor lol

Answer 5

i don't think anyone can really give you a answer for that because everyone is different and do things in their own way only you know what you can and can't take in a relationship. if you are a strong person in the end you will make the right choice.

Answer 6

now whats the problem? you cant just say balance that tells us nothing. its not about balance. its chemistry, friendship, open honesty, love and affection, communication, and the ability to over look the small things in order to grow into the big things that make a relationship work.

Answer 7

I can forgive all the little stupid things men do. I would never ever forgive cheating, lying or anything he would do to purposely hurt me, physically or mentally.

Answer 8

that is different for everyone. what your tolerance level is compared to anothers is very diff. Go wtih your heart and what you believe to be true in this person. Listen to your heart....dont let fear of being alone or lack of confidence hold you hostage if you are in a go nowhere relationship full of mistrust

Answer 9

I dont think u would be able to forgive someone who deliberately went out to hurt you in some way, physical or emotional.

Answer 10

everyone has a breaking point...

for me, cheating, in any way, shape, or form... not just physical cheating sexually... but, emotional too, even online crap... when you can't forget about something, you have not truely forgiven them... because you know they will do it again if given the chance to do so...

once the trust is broken you can never get it back... never...