I really respect Yahoo anwers because they helped me a lot in the past. There's a thing though, i need to discuss.
I've been seeing a man for exactly 5 months. He's married but trying to get a divorce for 3 months now. He's not lying. His wife wants him back, she knows about our relationship and she thinks that I'm the one who ruined hers. They have a 3 month old baby. The wife keeps calling me and my family, blaming me and threatening me for what's going on. My partner tells me to be patient and when she signs the divorce there will be nothing to worry about. My parents disapprove because they think he'll never get divorced. He makes me happy and I can't imagine my life without him even though sometimes i wish i'd never met him. What should i do? How would i know if he's worth all the trouble i'm going through? Should i choose him instead of my family?
2007-12-13 00:31:10 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Can i just add that he's been separated from his wife all the time we've been together. Is that cheating? And do u really believe that someone who cheated once is going to cheat again?
2007-12-13 01:18:32 · update #1
Once a cheater ..always a cheater.. Whether his wife knows about your relationship with him or not..it's still cheating. I'd dump him and move on with my life.. let him and his wife deal with their problems alone..Your just creating more problems for yourself by waiting and believing him.
2007-12-13 01:09:30 · answer #1 · answered by Kristin s 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Any man who would leave his 3 month old baby without giving the marriage a try puts up a 'red flag' to me. Separated usually means you are still trying to work things out and looks like he didn't put much effort into that.
He may or may not get divorced. You say he is 'trying to get a divorce for 3 months'; what? All you do is file the paperwork so don't think he is really trying much. He could be telling you the truth; only time will tell.
My opinion is to stay away from him until he makes a decision; then you will know his intentions. The wife obviously loves him and wants her family complete and you get to start your life with him with child support and an instant step-child. Are you strong enough to deal with all of that?
Hope you think about this and make a decision that is smart; marriage isn't something to take lightly.
2007-12-13 09:51:32 · answer #2 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
5 mths so your not ready to marry him even if he was free and he has lived seperately from his wife all this time so its not like he's sleeping in the same bed with his wife. he's out on his own. things happened there that didnt' work out your in the picture who knows what life will hold for you both.
If you love him and y ou both enjoy each other take it as it is and if things are to happen the way they are then you can move to the next step.
Your parents i can see worry as they think this man is giving you the run around and maybe he is only you know that.
as far as the ex bothering you change your number and get an unlisted one . and have no contact with her.
Your all grown up now. You can;t live for your parents although they could be right in the end this is a chance you have to take if you think its worth making either way you have to decide your going to ride this out to see where it takes you or get cold feet and flee. You know him better than your parents and you two will discuss this between you to. there will always be people telling you both sides but in the end it will have to be made from you only.
All i can say is there are no certainties in life. If he makes you happy go with it. and see what the future holds for you both down the road. if nothing comes of it . You shared some beautiful times together and he made your heart sing.
2007-12-14 01:53:59 · answer #3 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"His wife wants him back" this should be a flag to you. It will not end once he signs the papers,,BELIEVE me,,,this is not a mutual agreetment divorce, those are nver that easy. Experience talking here. My ex still wanted to work things out when we got divorced,,she made my new girlfreind (now my wife) life a living Hell for 3 years afterwards. The guy is married. Let him finish his bussiness first. He had no right getting you involved in this mess. Step back...value yourself,,,focus on you for a minute. Let him finish his ordeal and then you guys can continue what you started. If you respect Yahoo Answers, then take my advice,,,it will be better for you in the long run and you will be able to be clear about a lot of things at the end....good luck!
2007-12-13 08:41:49 · answer #4 · answered by KingDavid 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really should back off not for your family, not for his wife, but for yourself. Being in the middle of all of that could do some real damage as far as your man and his child goes. The thing is the wife can hurt him for being with you and make it where he can only sneak around to see you. The sad part is that he obviously is a sorry picece of ****! His wife was giving birth to his baby when he was telling her he wanted a divorce to be with you!! That is the sorriest thing I have ever heard and I have heard some whoppers. And you!! Stop for just a second and think about how you would feel if YOUR HUSBAND was seeing another woman and you found out he wanted a divorce the damn day you gave birth to his child. That is just sorry not just of you but him to. You should know better than that. Anyway just remember what comes around goes around and it will come back to you. You know damn well you were seeing that man while his wife was pregnant that is sooooo screwed up. You better get your life together girl cause its only going to get harder. Dont screw around with married people. I am about to screw up the life of my ex for the same thing that you guys are doing right now. Get out now while you still have a little dignity left.
2007-12-13 08:56:44 · answer #5 · answered by fantasy gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The funniest line you wrote "he's not lying" Here are the facts of life before you make any other brilliant decisions:
1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything.
I don't lie.
2007-12-13 10:14:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should save everyone (including yourself) the pain and trouble by getting away from him. He's still married, regardless of what he says he's going to do, she is his wife. And for God's sake, they have a (almost) brand new baby! Grow some dignity and self respect. Stay out of it and leave the situation alone until he decides what he's going to do. Don't be stupid.
Whether he's been separated or not, makes no difference. He's got to worry about himself, get HIS priorities straight and figure out what to do with HIS life before involving someone else in it. As long as he's still married, that makes you his side dish. This sorry situation involves a child, too. Doesn't that concern you at all?
2007-12-13 08:37:23 · answer #7 · answered by mattz_grrl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well there's no point in saying you should leave married men alone, it's far too late for condemning you.
what's done is done.
but a tiny baby didn't ask to be involved in mum & dads complicated lives, you should really above everything else, think of this baby.
Your parents probably disapprove for more than 1 reason, whether he does get the divorce he wants, is down to him & as his wife has only recently given birth demanding a divorce will tar him as the bad guy, whether he can take that has to be a consideration.
your family is really only concerned for you & the impact on you, should he be filling your head with lies, they can't help it that's what families do.
Only advice I can give regardless of knowing how unhappy it
may make you is never choose a man over your family, NEVER.
2007-12-13 08:43:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The solution is to tell your bf that the current situation is putting too much stress on you, your family, and his wife, and that this could also have a negative impact on his baby. Therefore, tell him that a temporary break in the relationship is called for. Resolve not to see each other, and talk on the phone no more than once per day, until his divorce is final. This should calm things down considerably.
2007-12-13 08:37:24 · answer #9 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, why would you want to involve yourself in sooooo much drama? Being his lover and his friend you should not be selfish but should've walked away and stayed out the entire mix with him and his wife! I could careless how much love you have for him but he cannot I repeat, he cannot have a healthy relationship with you with sooooo much baggage. I see even if he divorce his wife the relationship with you and him isn't going to work! Why because emotionally he didn't even give himself time and space. I don't care how happy he makes you feel it's not going to work! You know I have the utmost respect for you wanting to be happy but you should've given him time to take care of his business without you in the equation and guess what, if he still wanted you and he had taken care of all that he needed to take care of, and a little time and space healed his wombs and he still wants you then it probably could work! But I think I agree totally with your family on this one!!!!!!!!!!!! You need to fall back, and let him hand his business and tell him you'll be here when he handles his business and a little time gives way! But for right now I think you need to think a little outside the box! What God put together let no man or woman come between that! Your violating God's commandment with him and his wife......
2007-12-13 08:48:43 · answer #10 · answered by rita_hiemy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all...the old rule of thumb stands true...if you have real love and it is meant to be...he will be there and so will you when the divorce is done. Until then your family is right to disapprove of this. Im not sure what the situation is..but if he has a 3 month old baby....then obviously he didnt hate her too much just prior to this did he? He has big obligations with this new baby and a marriage he needs to end if he is sure its over. but regardless of this..he has a brand new baby there to think of. by no means should you choose him over famiy...never..ever unless you have some diranged freaky family...It sounds to me like they are level headed and only care about you. tell him you love him...but you are going to stand off to the side while he finishes taking care of what he needs to rightfully first.
2007-12-13 08:40:24 · answer #11 · answered by jslorri 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋