am i being petty?

Question

know this probably sounds pretty petty & childish but my fiance has a kid by another girl ( i cant call her a women as she is very immature). Well i have strung myself out over so much drama with this girl. I have no record at all until now b/c i got in a fight with her and I am the one they arretsed even know she is crazy and threw a bottel at me. She has slashed many of my vehicles tires, busted out my kitchen window, pranked my phone repeatedly but somehow my fiance and even my mom and friends tell me to leave her alone-liek she is the victim. I guess they say they dont mean it that way but why are people coming at me to stop it all when she is the one who does all this drama? I know its very Jerry Springer and I am just frustrated to be a part of the ghettoness. How do I handle feeling like I am being blamed for her actions???? Am i just being childish?

did i forget to mention i have 2 sons with him-he has a child with her b/c he cheated on me. I have been involved with him for yrs. she had her child when my oldest son was 4 (He is now 7).

Answer 1

There is a lot of information missing here, like the circumstances under which these altercations begin, but generally speaking I would say you are not being childish, but stupid. This woman has helped you give yourself a police record, and has shown you how low you can sink by letting your emotions get the best of you. She obviously isn't going to drop the drama, and she very well may be the instigator, but you are taking the bait and engaging her. If you are determined to stay in the relationship with your fiance and want to put your attention and energy into creating a happy homelife, you might want to consider getting some help with anger management, rules for fighting fairly, etc. These will also help you to handle any disagreements you have with your significant other, at work, with inlaws, etc., as they are very generalizable skills that you can use for your whole life.

There are people in the world (like maybe your fiance's baby momma) who are determined to put all their energy into creating drama in the world. This other person sounds like she may be one of them. You can't "win" with this kind of person the way your are going at it, but you can turn this situation around, which in my book is a bigger win. Set a good example for everyone else who is watching (esp. your fiance's child with her, who will likely be in your life and home for many years to come) and figure out a way to do this. This situation has the potential of tearing your relationship with your fiance to pieces, and if his child with this woman has visitation at your home, you will have the enemy's proxy in your camp.

Get some short-term professional help from a psychologist if you can to get some skills and ideas on how to do this: It's a great resource for solving life's problems. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

This behavior is not termed pettiness! Your being petty when you bicker over who left the cap off the tooth paste. What you are going thru is called rage & anger & did I leave out hate? I can see why you were arrested, unfortunatly, this doesnt help a thing as all your hate for this woman was made worse by the arrest. And Im sure you turned the table around as its very clear you also suffer from denial, so Im not surprised that you blame her for your arrest. I cannot stress the fact that you need to get some help, & get it fast before you end up back in jail again, only the next time you will be spending alot more time in their, & do you really want to see your kids without a mother? You keep on putting the blame on your boyfriends ex, its all her fault, shes the bad one, she,s crazy etc, but guess what? your anger & hate isnt even about her, this anger is about you! She,s just the person with whom you can take it out on, so in order to stop this insanity, you must pin point where & why you are so hateful, & you do this by seeking a good therapist, and do it fast because you need help keeping your temper in check. Stop playing the victim here, its not you nor her thats the victim, it is both of you who are beating each other up over nothing, I mean come on, you both have children & are adult grown women acting like trailer trash, get some help, if you wont do it for yourself, then do it for your kids!

Answer 3

Follow the advise and leave her alone.....If she is the one who is creating these situations the police should have been involved before now especially if she has vandalized your home. If you are going to marry this man then you need to be prepared to have her in your life as well for a very long time so it is best to try to get this situation under control as soon as possible....( The child will be affected by this behavior in one way or another) If you are not provoking this person in any way you should not have to tolerate her actions. You could get an order of protection against her if needed. Be the bigger person though for starters and over look her childish ways ( as long as it doesn't involve vandalism or assault) You are the one who is supposedly happy and getting married and any jealousy involved would be on her end, not yours. Act like an adult and stop lowering yourself to her level. If not for yourself and peace of mind, at least for the child involved.

After reading your additional details things are much clearer.
Your cheating spouse is the cause of your drama ( and now your police record) You probably still have issues with his infidelity and now with a child involved you will always be reminded it of. I'm sure she has issues as well with this whole situation and is acting out inappropriately. Counceling never hurts if you are going to stick it out with him. Maybe you should ask yourself if he is worth the chaos he has created. Somehow I think you deserve better.

Answer 4

Why are you mad at the girl? This guy is a peace of crap and you will one day realize it!
It is not her fault trust me!
Look I was in something very simular many years ago I kept blaming the girl thinking she was a phyco she came to my house and would not go away?
One day I realized it was him everytime we would fight or not agree on something he would run to her she really was in the same situation I was in he was telling her he loved her ect...
Thanks god I finally left.

Let me tell you another thing 6 years later we are friends me and him he is not with the girl but now married to another women anyway there is nothing at all between us but I am single women so I use him to come fix crap in my house anyway he never told me he was remarried.
So about 6 months ago he was in a car accident he called me to ask if I could bring him some food of course as a friend why not he does so much for me anyway I get to his house and here is pictures of him and his new wife on their wedding day.
HA HA
I thought wow he is still up to his same crap insecure!
I felt bad for her she don't know what she is dealing with and even though there is nothing going on between us I am sure should would be pissed to know another women was in her home.
Trust me when I say this there is nothing going on because I will not allow it. I am almost 100% he is cheating on her.
Men like that cannot get enough women.
LEAVE HIM

Good luck

Answer 5

I know how you feel I have been in a situation similiar and the best thing for you to do is stay away from her until it is all over. Get a good lawyer who can get you off the hook, then after your charges are dropped, get your arrest record expunged. Then go slash her tires, throw doodoo at her house, prank call her from different phones. oh and if possible dig up all the dirt you can get on her and proof then throw it in her face and blackmail her with it.

Answer 6

I think that you are being blind by staying with a guy who wont do his utmost to protect you from things like this. Its harrassment! Its as bad as abuse and he is a direct cause of this. If you get married to him it will just get worse and he will say he doesnt wanna get in the middle of it when in the first place you are dragged in it by him. Either get him to speak to her or get a restraining order... or leave the relationship. You can do better than that and why stay with someone whose past bites you?Its a call between your safety and criminal record over staying with him-the cause of the drama. Whats more important?

Answer 7

It takes two to continue. Ignore her. She is inmature, according to your statement, then why would you follow her lead?,,,My wife had sort of the same problem with my ex (no tires slashed though),,What my wife did then, still amazes me today. She simply ignore the hell out of her. Eventually they became friends. It takes a bigger person, it takes a lot of patiences and self control, but I think if your heart is the right place, you will see in time it will be ok. Ignore her,please,,,just focus on you and your family,,,,good luck.

Answer 8

Your relationship with your bf's ex is more emotional than your relationship with him! Your fiance has come to you with way too much drama and way too much baggage attached. You would do well to end this engagement and look for a situation that comes with considerably fewer complications.

Answer 9

You know what's petty and childish?

Not realizing it is the *guy* who is the problem.

No man is worth slashed tires, broken windows, arrest, and *jail*.

Are you friggin' insane?

Go find a normal man with normal relatives with no obsessive psychob*tch ex's involved.

Answer 10

okay why do u have anycontact with this person....u are not needed here....its between her and your b/f .....if u cant trust him then forget the realtionship your in...keep away from them...i can understand your angry and she may well be a ***** but you play right into her hands by acting out with aggression....play it cool....you will come out better for this....although u have already got a record...