For example, if I've been negative my whole life, will marriage solve this and make me happy? I have also suffered from anger issues my whole life. But if I had children I know I would be so happy to see them every day.
2007-12-12 20:23:44 · 16 answers · asked by airforcewolf16 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For the long term no. Being negative or being positive are learned behaviors meaning you can relearn how to be positive but it takes action concious action. Anger will happen it is what you do with it or how you act when you become angry. Of course you would be happy to have children and see them but there will come a time that you will become angry with them or irritated. You need to learn how to handle these things before you have them and before you get married. Being with a negative person can make the other person negative too. It works mostly this way because it is such a powerful thing. Happiness is powerful too but it is easier to be negative in this world. So I suggest you learn how to handle things more positively first.
For example do you always go from something simple to the worst case scenario? Like a what if thing?`
My husband is like this.
I told a woman that has a mean cat that I would feed it (to see if it would become nice) My husband was positive about this for about a second. Then suddenly he became negative. He said, no you will go to jail because what if the cat suddenly dies she will come after you because you said you would feed it. Oh my god come on. Be a bit more positive.
That is a simple example but it is a typical negative person.
A better way to handle that would be yes feeding the cat might make it more friendlier and help it to listen to us so that it does not beat up our cats anymore. Worst case scenarios rarely happen. It is good to be prepared however, they are not usual. Do you get into your car or the bus and say the bus is going to crash today? If you do then change it to if the bus crashes how can I help people get out? See that is a bit more positive. Eventually it will be automatic and you will not have to make new sentences in your head and you will be a more positive person.
As far as anger is concerned again it happens. You are late for work and your wife is in the bathroom also trying not to be late and she is putting on her make up and you need to finish shaving and what not and she is being so slow to you. How will you handle it? Beat on the door? You already knocked and told her. Will you yell or call her names and say that she is making you late? No she is not you did it. So, it would be more positive and less angrymaking for you to finish getting dressed and getting your stuff ready to walk out the door and then when she is out wrap a towel around your front, brush your teeth, shave and whatever whip off the towel and give her a kiss goodbye and run. See less anger more positive. Learn these things first and it will be much better for you .
2007-12-12 20:45:16 · answer #1 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don’t know what marriage is, nothing more than a paper and a pope. But if you have stress yes having deep friends can help you, not only girls, may be a married woman or man can also help you solve your inner problems. But I think a girl about the same age can be more easygoing. Don’t think of marriage, it’s not the purpose, the point is solving each other problems and have happy time.
Like in an exam, passing the test is not the purpose, the real thing is improving your knowledge
So improve your life and try to make a deep breath taking girlfriend
And don’t go to doctors or take any pills
2007-12-12 20:38:30 · answer #2 · answered by Comboy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marrying a good man makes life so much better. He can support you, encourage you to be positive. It wont change you over night, but if you work at your marriage (usually the first year is pretty rocky) then happiness abounds. I've never been happier. I am so thankful to have a loving husband - he makes me feel valued. And then kids.... they come along and they bring joy to you. They love you so much, even though you are not perfect - there's something about the fun they bring into your life, and the responsibility that bringing them up places on you. Being negative is a long term habit - which can be broken, but probably needs encouragement! Anger issues wont be solved by marriage, but a good counsellor can help you deal with them so they don't affect your life (or marriage)
2007-12-12 20:31:04 · answer #3 · answered by mumontherun 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this is the first time that I've seen everyone come together on an answer. They are all right, marriage will cause more stress and negativity for you. Not only to you but to your spouse too. And that is no kind of relationship to bring children into, it's not fair to them. Solve your issues first and then look at marriage. Marriage is hard work, not to be entered lightly!
2007-12-12 22:18:39 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, marriage doesn't solve problems like that; in fact, it can often make them worse. And the problems that you've mentioned might prevent you from having a happy marriage. Think about what might happen if you got angry and hurt your children. I think it's a good idea to work on your mental health and then you'll be more prepared for marriage and family life.
2007-12-12 20:33:23 · answer #5 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, marriage won't solve those problems. It will add stresses and stability, so it may aggravate some things while soothing some others. Best to work things out until you're stable before getting married.
2007-12-12 20:27:08 · answer #6 · answered by tony1athome 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage will not solve your problems. You will only be packing then on someone Else's shoulders and that is not fair. Children even more not the answer, they will suffer and who says for sure that when the newness of being married or having children is over it won't go back to being to way it was? You being negative and having anger issues is your own fault: take responsibility for yourself and your own feelings, you are the only one making yourself feel negative.
2007-12-12 20:30:45 · answer #7 · answered by duifie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is not going to help your negativity. It will definately not make you less angry. If you want a child in your life go volunteer at your local Big Brother Big Sister, help a child who needs someone before you decide to have your own.
2007-12-12 21:43:51 · answer #8 · answered by Makingitwork 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no. If the marriage is good, it will improve your situation. On the other hand, if you end up with someone like my first wife, you'll look back on your situation now and see it as an amusement park.
2007-12-12 20:28:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO WAY it will make everything worse. Read books on inner peace but don't ever screw up your life even more by getting married!!!
2007-12-13 03:02:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋