My fiance (father of my 1yr old son) admitted to me he cheated on me. He admitted as he drove me to the Health Dept. because the girl he was with just told him she may have been exposed to and STD from another mate. I asked why he cheated he said partly because I wasn't giving it to him at home. Which I wasn't because I have been telling him since our son was born I need to get back to the no sex b4 marriage belief I have. I didnt cut him off cold turkey though. As a matter of fact he recently got some and tried to get me pregnant. He says he wants to get me pregnant one more time as a garauntee I'm not going anywhere. I have not done anything to make him think I will leave him. I broke off the engagement the week b4 he tried to get me pregnant again. I told him now is not the time for us to get married bc i feel he was not being completely honest about somethings. I never said we would never get married. I just wanted him to wait to propose later after we worked on somethings. Help
2007-12-12 18:35:37 · 24 answers · asked by babygurl38063 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Serious answers only please.
2007-12-12 18:39:58 · update #1
What if my son grows up and hates me for not accepting daddy back because he made one mistake.
2007-12-12 18:41:28 · update #2
if he is cheating on u now, he will cheat o u after u marry him. i wouldn't worry about what my son would think later on, but why would u want to marry a cheater, and if u marry him he will always come up with reasons why he did something, so he won't have to accept responsibility.
2007-12-12 22:34:30 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right to question your marriage to him because he cheated on you. If you have the belief of no sex before marriage then you should stick to your guns. It is an admirable thing to do. It also implies you have respect for yourself though I see no respect from him to you. The reason I say this is because for one he cheated on you because he wanted to not because he wasn't getting any from you. Also I say it because you have made the decision not to have sex before marriage and he did everything he could to have it. If he respected you then he would not be doing that. Probably he cheated more than once with this woman. She told him she had an STD that means they have stayed in contact. Also he did not tell you until he got caught that means he did not feel guilty about what he did only that he got caught and then he blamed it on you he was the one that had sex with someone else not you. On top of that, it was before you were married. What will happen after you are married? Do you really think he will stop cheating. If a person feels that they can get away with something they will. He has a lack of self control that is not saying that you do. If a man is there doing what it takes to get you hot and bothered and makes all kind of promises to you and then gets what he wants it is because he had the control.
He also tried to get you pregnant again so you won't go anywhere in other words so you will be dependant on him or at least feel that you are. It is not such a good situation.
Then there is the future to think about. Your son. If you stay with this guy what do you think it will teach your son? It will teach him that women should stay with a cheater. That it is alright to cheat and it is alright to not have or show respect for women. I am sure you love your son and want the best for him. Find a man that respects you and your son.
2007-12-12 20:20:09 · answer #2 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow, honey....I'm so sorry to hear that!
Unfortunately, I was in the same predicament as you when I married my (now ex) husband.
He was my childhood sweetheart, but was always seeing other women when we were growing up. Should have been my first indication that he wouldn't STOP.
Seemed he DID (for three years), and then I agreed to marry him. BIG MISTAKE.
Once they cheat, they keep cheating. It becomes habit to them. Daily routine, so to say.
I'd move on and find someone else. Your son is young enough still to be comfortable with the situation (as he wouldn't know any better with mommy and daddy not being together.).
Just split while you still can. Otherwise, you'll be left with a ton of bills from the divorce, and more pain than you would if you split BEFORE marrige and another baby - and splitting later (which seems inevitable in your case) would make it harder on your little boy.
I wish you the best, and hope things turn out alright for you and your baby boy.
2007-12-12 18:42:55 · answer #3 · answered by Samantha 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know that you are dealing with a difficult situation and that it is not easy to make a decision because of your small child involved. I have been in a similar situation, so here are my $0.02:
If he cheats & rationalizes that it was your fault for "not giving him what he needed at home" instead of taking responsibilty for his actions--he CAN & most likely WILL do it again after you are married.
Not only did he cheat on you but he put you, the mother of his child in danger by having unprotected sex with another woman AND having sex with you again. . .unprotected sex, I am guessing, AND tried to get you pregnant to keep you? It seems that he is very insecure and has the potential to be controlling. Sometimes we must overlook the sugary words being spoken and examine a person based on their behavior toward us. He is not acting in a loving, respectful manner.
You mentioned wanting to get back to the no sex b4 marriage as you were before. . .was this before he persuaded you otherwise? Again, persuading you to compromise your beliefs and to engage in sex when it is again your principles is not being respectful.
If you are trying to make this work JUST for the sake of your child, you may need to reconsider being in this relationship. Think of how your child or children would be affected if his mother was unhappy and his home was in chaos because of his jealous father that cheats on his mother.
Raising a child as a single mother can be a scary task but it can be done successfully despite what others say. Regardless of what happens you & your child's father should be committed to doing what is best for the child. Not being married to this man does not mean that he cannot be an active, supportive father.
Now is the time to make a decision and to stand firm no matter what your choice is. Also if you are concerned that no other man will want to be with you/marry you & raise a child that is not his own--think again there are plenty of men that would love the chance to be a father, if they love you the will accept your child.
Utlimately, the decision is yours. As hard as it may be--make it with your head (instinct, intution) not your heart. Too many women ignore the red flags and warning signs they see before marriage and find themselves & children living in an unhappy, unstable, dangerous environment.
2007-12-12 18:58:16 · answer #4 · answered by Mackenzie Walsh 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Before you leave just know that the next guy you are with will also cheat and he might beat you too. Think!!! Before you make any brilliant decisions here are the facts of life:
1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything.
I don't lie.
2007-12-13 03:31:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can't use your son as a reason to get back with him. He has cheated on you (and may be infected with an STD). As for you, don't you think it was a little late to decide to not have any more sex till after marriage? I just can't see this relationship working well for either of you. He's a cheater! And apparently one not even using protection so that was disrespectful of you! I believe I'd move on!
2007-12-12 18:47:37 · answer #6 · answered by missingora 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your son might resent living in a house where his parents are not happy. This is stressful on a child. No matter how well you think you are hiding things, you are not. The are perceptive and they know when things are not right. Cheating because you were not giving him any is not right. He should have had a discussion about it with you. Withholding it from him was not right either. You have a baby out of wedlock and then want to go back to the no sex before marriage? That is just crazy.
2007-12-12 20:01:42 · answer #7 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well, I really don't think you need to take him back, but on the other hand this is partially your fault, usually I would side against the cheater in these situations but.....
There is absolutly no reason why you can't have sex with the father of your child, unless you two aren't together. Men need sex, women need to understand that, very few men are just going to go without sex beceause their girlfriend told them too.
Basicly if a man is happy, he's having sex with someone, women aren't the same about that.
On the other hand he DID cheat on you, so I wouldn't say it's neccasary to take him back if you don't want to.
If you take him back, use this as lesson learned. If you want to keep a man for yourself you need to give him sex, it's almost selfish not to.
2007-12-12 18:42:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off, I don't understand why you would cut him off from sex the way you did. You're not a virgin and refraining from sex for a while isn't going to turn you back into one. If waiting until marriage to have sex was that important, you would have done it in the first place. I'm not justifying his reasons for cheating on you, but I don't think it's healthy to stop having sex altogether. Secondly, you say that you haven't done anything to make him think you're going to leave him and in the next breath you say you broke off your engagement. Sorry, but if that were me, it would make me think that my partner was considering leaving me. Why would you even get engaged in the first place if you didn't plan on marrying him at some point? It sounds to me like you're sending your partner a lot of mixed messages here and to a point I can understand why he did what he did. I'm not saying it's OK to cheat, but you sound like you're playing mind games and that's not fair to your partner, your son and even yourself. I suggest you think long and hard about what you really want and then decide if getting back together is really a good idea.
2007-12-12 18:54:18 · answer #9 · answered by cindos_69 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
as your son gets older he will understand and not hate you.
if anything he will resent dad for betraying you and hurting your feelings.
he's already cheated on you, manipulated you and is now trying to exert control over you (pregnancy as a form of control to make you stay together).
Sex is a genuine need, but if you couldn't give it to him, he should have been able to respect that instead of betraying your love.
If you take him back, he will definately cheat on you again.
He can't say sorry by making you pregnant each time he cheats or you'll end up with a million children and no husband.
2007-12-12 18:53:01 · answer #10 · answered by chilly 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No bad idea. Sounds like he's controlling, and dont get pregnant again. He'll trap U. There's NO EXCUSE for cheating. U own your body, he doesn't. If he cheated once, and u accepted that, then that gives him permission to do it again, cuz he'll know you'll forgive him again if it already worked once. There will always be excuses for why he cheated. Dont be dumb. To many good guys still left in the world. I recently found one myself by luck.
2007-12-12 18:40:52 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋