A friend of mine has been engaged (ring ceremony) as in Indian tradition. It happened under family pressure. She now wants to call her marriage off to marry someone else. What excuse should he give the guy she's been engaged to? She feels sorry for him and her family and feels they are at no fault. Also she is unable to decide how to convince her parents about facing their family. Should she say the truth as it is, obviously the guys family will get pissed that if it was so why at the first place they did it?
What excuse can she give to call it off preventing such scenarios from happening?? Pleaseeee advise.
2007-12-12 18:33:03 · 16 answers · asked by Pavan P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have no real advise other then if she is not happy with what is happening then tell her to tell the truth. It is a horrible situation so tell her to rip the band-aid off quick for the longer she waits the harder it becomes.
2007-12-12 18:38:51 · answer #1 · answered by Kimberley W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a major thing, and the least she can do is to be honest about what's going on.
Personally, I think it's a lot smarter to pull out before the wedding than to get married knowing you don't want it (easier to call off a wedding than it is to get a divorce), but she should definately have enough respect for the people in her life -- and herself -- to tell the truth about what her reasons are.
I'm sure there is some culture difference, and I'm not completely taking that into account, but I'm fairly certain that, regardless of culture, if she's GOING to call it off, the truth should be told.
As far as HIS family goes, I'd suggest she talk to him first, and let him decide if it would be better or worse for his family to hear it from her, or from him. If he thinks she should do it, she needs to just take a deep breath and stand her ground on it and just get it over with.
2007-12-13 03:24:03 · answer #2 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't suggest that she tells the guy's family that she is calling it off to marry another guy. It's best to wait a little while before getting engaged to the other guy. Otherwise they will feel insulted and have hurt feelings, and possibly bad relations between the family. Just come up with some reason that is not too personal, for instance she does not feel ready for marriage, was young and foolish, etc. It might help if she knows someone else who might be interested in the guy she was going to marry (perhaps she steps aside for her friend who is "more" interested in him).
To her own family she might confide this, that she is really not interested in him and she is crazy about the other guy, but she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. She could expand on whatever she doesn't like about him, and emphasize that she can't imagine herself marrying him or being remotely happy with him. Presumably they will agree not to mention this to the other family because they don't want to cause a problem.
2007-12-13 02:40:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not knowing your Indian traditions, it's hard to advise you on what to do. Does she live in the US or is she in India? If in the US then she is not likely to be in any danger. As not many honor killings occur here. That is, if calling off a marriage would be cause for such action. If she lives here, she tell her to tell the groom the truth. It's her life and happiness that counts in the end.
2007-12-13 02:46:57 · answer #4 · answered by Gunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth is the way to go but do it kindly and gently. Feelings may be hurt initially but surely everyone would rather see both of the engaged couple to be happy. No one should be forced (or feel obligated) to marry someone that's not been chosen by them.
2007-12-13 02:38:28 · answer #5 · answered by missingora 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be honest and just tell the truth from the heart. Marriage is a serious thing and shouldn't be taken lightly. Tell him to tell the truth, how you really feel. Its his life not his parents and if they don't understand, then it is their bad luck. If they are decent parents they will understand where their son is coming from. Hope everything works out for the best.
2007-12-13 02:39:05 · answer #6 · answered by Blondie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell the truth
2007-12-13 02:35:27 · answer #7 · answered by b r 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible her fiance might feel the same way? There's NO WAY she can go through with it... I don't believe in divorce if its not totally nessesary, so you MUST find someone you are completly in love with... if you find someone that loves you completly, and you love them, your family should be happy... and if they aren't, theyll just have to understand...
2007-12-13 02:38:39 · answer #8 · answered by sarier4 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try the truth..or she could fake a story,or run away, ie: run-away bride recall that story..BTW ,the sooner the better..
2007-12-13 02:40:16 · answer #9 · answered by jja_American 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That she fell in love with someone else and she should elope after she tells that way her family can't force her to marry their choice
2007-12-13 02:37:05 · answer #10 · answered by Linda S 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋