is it worth throwing your life away because things 'arnt ' and have never gone your way?

Question

to summerize: im 30 years old have borderline personality disorder...ive had a hellish life of abuse, bullying, sexual abuse, victimization, street attacks...head injuries.

ive never worked or been employed, i have a criminal record a mental health one....ive never gained any qualifications ever.

ive never had a partner or been in a steady relationship ever...except lots of sexual encounters which havent meant anything.
never made any friends...i live a lonely isolated life in a one bedroom flat on sickness benifits.....dont have no posessions except a computer an old one. dont have any carpets on my floor even.
dont have anyone to turn to.

the life and goals i have of living in a quiet coastal town with a loving partner are to out of reach to unobtainable and i dont want to work hard to get them either.

i was in a psychiatric hospital in 99 until 2000, i was sectioned under a hospital order.
because of my miserable, pathetic, desperate life i could easily do something serious

and finish up back in the psychiatric hospital for good...never have to face society
my responsibilities, or my pathetic life ever again.
just be looked after and have everything taken care of, like 2 fingers up yo society
like a thanks, but no thanks i dont want to be involved type thing.
i cannot have the life i want so F the lot of you type thing.
and the arguments for this i feel are strong because look at my life now ?

drshorty : dont want your sympathy

mia: no i wont ' come on ' - shut it

Answer 1

Mate, you can do whatever you want with your life, you don't have to follow what society expects of you, like go get a low paid job and work your *** off for the rest of your life with no prospects.
There are other options - if you are on benefits you are entitled to attend college courses free of charge for instance. Why not think of the one thing in life you are really interested in and follow that dream, however difficult or far away it seems. Do you want to write, cook, teach guitar, be a martial arts instructor? Anything! After all, if you are thinking of jacking it all in and going to a mental institution, whats the difference? It can't get any worse!! You could go to college to study, you can learn at home etc. Sometimes you just need a change of focus. No need to worry about relationships etc. If you haven't got any, then stuff everyone else for now - they will come as soon as you start doing something and you take the pressure off yourself.
Try to think more about what you have got - the internet's pretty cool right? You have probably got a TV? You can join the library and get all the books you need for free! You don't have to work hard to get what you want - you live in a recreational universe - when you are doing something you want to do, it seems really easy!
In answer to yout question - it's not alright to throw your life away - at 30, yours has only just started.

Answer 2

I have times like this in my life where I despair. You know why you feel like this because society has coerced you into thinking that you cannot obtain your goals i.e, paying sickness allowance for you, providing a flat. Not that you don't need it- you probably did but now you have the confidence to say that you don't want it anymore, you have the power to change it. This doesn't mean taking big steps at all. Small changes are always good. Maybe write a book about your experiences- from having borderline personality disorder, your experiences with society and your experiences in trying to live a normal life. Finding a partner is hard these days but is obtainable. Forget about a coastal resort at the moment. When you find true love, a small flat (even with no carpet lol) will feel like a palace. Look towards this goal as being something positive. Don't worry about wat people think. You have been ill and want to getr better. Cognitive behaviour therapy will help although NHS waiting lists are long but don't let that put you off. Try meditation groups for relaxation and don't feel pressurised into anything you don't want to do.

Answer 3

OK you dont want sympathy so this is how i think it is.
Your an extremely selfish person.
I am 26, was abused throughout my childhood both emotionally and sexually, mother was an alcoholic, got kicked out of home at 15, didn't go to school because i looked after my mum, grandfather tried to rape me at the age of 11. Was bullied throughout my school life. Doctors have been convinced i am depressed since i was 14. Been on anti depressants had psychiatric help etc etc.
But you know what? Ive always got off my backside and tried to make my life better, always worked and am now quite happy with my lot in life, i have a wonderful husband and a child on the way and yes life could be better but i keep trying. So if your life`s so bad try to change it instead of sitting there feeling sorry for yourself.

Answer 4

if you dont want sympathy or help why are you asking this question in the first place. why are u living in a one bedroom flat on benefits with no carpets still you have use of the internet?

I could give you plenty of advice and tell you about the bad things that have happened to me in the past but whats the point.? You need to take a laf out of JD's book and get off your **** and do something with yourself as it seems you wont take the advice given..the only person that can help you is YOU.

Answer 5

Seemingly, you have much to be hurt for (and as a result) 'deeply angry' too. So ~

Question: What do you want from the readers here? (if anything)

If you continue to be as you are here, then the likelihood is that you will self perpetuate your present situation, which is seemingly the one you know best and can survive within, instead of working towards changing it.

My suspicion is that you might not want to really change it because you are able to cope (by degrees) with what you know, with being alone, with having nothing and being angry. Why change it....? You have survived this far, why rock the boat?

I'm not asking you this as a question for you to answer, I'm offering it to you as a question for you to look at and put to yourself ....as a view (like a viewpoint over the countryside).

It doesn't in itself require an answer, it requires an emotional response to the threat to the stability that your life presently has.

Think about it.
Sash.

Answer 6

In most states at 13 the child can petition the court & ask a judge to hear their opinion about where they want to live. The judge will take your wishes, determine the best place for you to live & make a ruling. You do not have to have a lawyer but it couldn't hurt. Have you tried talking to you dad? Maybe he'll let you live with your Mom, if she is a fit parent.

Answer 7

I had severe depression several years ago if that is any consolation. I wanted a higher degree but dropped out.
There are some charities that could help out (Mind, for example, or Social services) with getting you some training towards work eventually.
I guess we've all thought about throwing it all away sometimes, but I've stuck it out just to show them that I won't be beaten by the system. Show them that you won't either!

Answer 8

You need someone who believes in you. Yea life can suck but if you have a certain person by your side sometimes it can be a little easier. You need someone who understands you. I've been done wrong just like you and i still harbor some resentment and blame a lot of people, its hard to move on sometimes but you have to hang in there and realize we all go through difficulties, some more than others but you can make it. We cant control what happens to us but we can try to control our reaction to it. Its easier said than done though. It also can be hard to find that one special perosn but your lucky if you do, dont take it for granted, until then hang in there, you arent alone.

Answer 9

You should go and see someone i.e. psychologist/ psychiatrist and look into medication for borderline disorder.
This will help you to change the way you see things and may give you a more positive outlook. Also it will help you deal with the traumas you have experienced. It is never worth throwing your life away.

Answer 10

I am sad for you some people just never seem to get the breaks they need to help them along the way, now and again I hear about people like yourself who have had a really really bad time and they have managed to make things a bit better for themselves, but they have had to really work hard at it, you say that you don't want to work hard to get what you want, perhaps you don't want it enough. or perhaps you set your goals to high so they seem out of reach, do you have a counsellor or support person who can teach you how to set goals so they are acheiveable? I really hope that things get better for you soon.