I am in tears.....?

Question

My husband just told me that I do not turn him on. I am heartbroken, he said I can make him hot if I do stuff to him...but he is not turned on by me. He said that three of his previous g/f have been able to so he does not know what it is. He says he has never been turned on by me. What does this mean? What should I do? I need reall help.

Answer 1

> I am in tears.....?

I don't blame you.

> My husband just told me that I do not turn him on.

Why would a man say that to his wife? I don't get it.

> I am heartbroken

This is not about you. Trust me, the right man would be turned on by you.

> he said I can make him hot if I do stuff to him...
> but he is not turned on by me.

Geez, guys like this give the rest of us a bad name. Your husband sounds very immature. Sex isn't about "What can you do for me?". It's about sharing pleasure together. Doesn't take a lot of creativity to figure out how to make that work. And it's not the physical appearance that turns a guy on. Sure, it can be but that goes away over time. A guy has to like you and connect with you to keep it going over the long haul.

> He said that three of his previous g/f have been able to so he
> does not know what it is.

What a jerk. So his three previous girlfriends have been able to turn him on but you've not been able to? Is this guy trying to hurt you?

> He says he has never been turned on by me.

Then he's a real idoit, isn't he? Why would a man get involved with a woman who doesn't turn him on, much less marry her?

> What does this mean?

It means your husband is unkind and immature. You married a boy, not a man.

> What should I do?

You should go find a good marriage counselor and go there by yourself and talk this out. Then you should invite him to come. If he won't go, then you should continue to go by yourself.

> I need reall help.

I think that's a really good idea. I don't think most women would be feeling very good about being told that their husband isn't turned on by them but the last three girlfriends could do it so what's wrong with the present wife... Sheesh. What a jerk.

I think your husband is insensitive and is trying to strike at you and hurt you. Think about it for a minute. If he was never turned on by you why in the hell would he marry you? That makes no sense. It's just a mean thing to say.

If you're hugely overweight, I can see attraction being a potential issue. But if you're average weight or even a bit over that then most guys would find you plenty attractive. Most women are quite appealing really. Just being female is worth a lot. It is the rare woman who is not appealing. This isn't about you. It's about the boy you married. He's telling you how mean he is.

Please do get some help with this. Go see a good counselor. This is just plain mean and it's emotionally abusive and I don't understand why any man would talk to his wife like you've described.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Sweetie,

First, wipe away those tears. If he is not turned on by you, then really that is his problem. If he married you, don't believe that he was never turned on by you.

Second, the two of you need to work on some serious communication. Ask him what does turn him on. Although, I would think that if you love each other than that should be enough to get him steamed up in the bedroom.

If talking with him doesn't seem to solve the problem, you may want to seek couple's therapy.

I hate to play "Devil's Advocate", but is there a chance that he may be having a relationship with someone else, one of the previous girlfriends? If he is, he may be setting you up so that he can blame his affair on you. I REALLY hope that this is not the case, but the thought crossed my mind and I felt the need to share it with you.

The most important thing you can do in this situation is to talk to your husband. Men tend to clam up about sexual matters, but if you don't communicate, your marriage will be in danger.

Good Luck - I wish you the best possible outcome - a long, happy and satisfying marriage.

Answer 3

Can anyone say this guy has a " control issue ". It's a way of minipulating you into doing whatever and whenever he wants.
His other girlfriends probably went through the same thing. I know you are in tears b/c that would shatter anyone. When you speak to someone in that manner, you are belittling them and it's not right. Some women would rather get smacked up beside the head than to hear garbage like that. I'm not saying it's right to get smacked up beside the head either. But it does hurt just as bad.

You probably need a good friend in your life right now, someone you can talk to, Someone who is going to be nice to you and walk you through some of the tough times in life.

Never mind what he say's. There's alot of guys out there that you would excite and I guarantee it. He's not the only fish in the ocean like he thinks.

Bottom Line : Don't do anything you are uncomfortable with.

Answer 4

It means welcome to marriage and reality. After you get divorced learn your lesson and never get married again. Get some porn and learn how to make your next man happy. Here are the facts of life no one ever taught you:

1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything.
I don't lie.

Answer 5

While I am deeply sorry for this situation and for how you're feeling, I must be totally honest (this is something women for some reason do not understand about men). We guys are NOT all about looks. Even a 10 in the physical looks department will turn us off is she is not someone we can be close to (many men are not honest enough, even with themselves, about this--has to do with societal expectations, etc.) or be treated positively. Most likely, and I so hate to say this, there are big problems in your relationship that you may not even be aware of. Obviously from the lack of info. from your question, I have no idea what that may be, but I would bet that there is a lack of intimacy between you or he feels alienated from you in some way. It might also be his problem too (for instance, if you are a parent, he might look at you as a mother instead of a lover).
I would say with certainty it has nothing to do with looks, so please do not beat yourself up over that, ok? Instead, have a look at your relationship and at your partner. make sure he knows he is special to you as a person. Be open with him, and have him feel safe to open up with you. Try to see him as the special person he must be in order for you to be with him. Remember, this has little to nothing to do with looks.

Good luck

Answer 6

You asked the question so let me give you a answer.

You are worth more than this. You deserve more than this.

You have several options.

Ask him to tell you what turns him on?
Ask him if he is having a affair.
Ask him if he is feeling depressed?

And then ask him is it worth you walkin out the door for him to talk to you and be turned on.

You are a woman, you can have anyone out there you want.

Sometimes men go through some things and it will happen.

But to say this to you is not right.
Had my hubby said this to me I would have saved my money found a place to live and divorced his ***. Or move back home to your parents house.

Answer 7

He is a cold hearted jerk. Even if this were true he could have been more tactful about it. Bringing up the exes was ignorant. I would think that he wants out and is making problems so you are the one that initiates divorce. You deserve better than this. Do not let this ruin your self esteem. He is not worth it. I would tell him to leave then.

Answer 8

it means he is a jerk.

what on earth makes him think that by saying something that will scar your future sex life would improve things in the bedroom? what an IDIOT!!

tell him that you find men who think they are allowed to talk to a woman like that are a turn off and you gag whenever you picture him naked.
Tell him that you have been putting up with his pin dick and selfish attitude to sex for so long, and you're sick of making all the effort.

see how "turned on" he feels then.

what an asshole.

Answer 9

He must be lying, because I and most other men would never marry someone who did not turn us on. In order to marry you, you definitely must have turned him on many, many times. He is probably just upset about something, and it sounds like he is upset with you. Think about anything you may have done to upset him.

Answer 10

wow im sure your not that bad/any good and nice women has always been a turn on for me/tell your husband to go f him self/this sucks but i sure there are alot of guys that your going to tunr on [what ever that means] good luck