I just wonder to know all opinions and examples. Thank you
2007-12-12 17:02:25 · 48 answers · asked by snowdrop 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my husband cheated on me, and i think that was my fault too...
2007-12-12 17:08:04 · update #1
YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM! You are blaming yourself for no reason. Your husband chose to break his vows and violate your trust to be with someone else. If there was a problem in the marriage it was his responsibility to talk to you about it or get counseling. If that did not work he should have gotten a divorce before hurting you in that way. I blamed myself when my ex fiance cheated. I loved him and was good to him while he was always selfish. He is now with someone else and robbed me blind. I don't know why I blamed myself so much. I can see now that he was an awful person. I hope you too can get back your self esteem to put the blame where it belongs....with your husband. By blaming yourself you are giving him an easy way to do it all over again!
2007-12-12 17:08:41 · answer #1 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Think the cheater is more 'at fault' as they had the opportunity to come to you with their 'unfullfilled needs' and discuss them with you before seeking attention elsewhere. But, I must say that you have a very mature attitude in realizing that things you did or did not do may have contributed to it.
I am certainly not condoning cheating; it is unexcuseable; no matter what the reason the cheater gives. They thought more of theirselves at that moment than their marriage or relationship. Hope he has learned what devistation cheating causes and vows to be faithful to you. Sounds like you two are working things out and finally communicating to each other. Good for you! But don't blame yourself; he could have handled this in a better way. All you can do is forgive and move on. And - no matter what any bitter people say, 'once a cheater, always a cheater ' is not a fact. Some will continue to do so; some won't. Good luck to you!
2007-12-13 02:02:32 · answer #2 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How in the hell would the one being cheated on be guilty. If you are not happy in the relationship, just leave. Do not cheat, because the one who cheats is always guilty. Even if he/she did make you mad, you still did not have to cheat, and it is YOUR fault if you do. If someone makes you mad and you kill them, who should be guilty? The one who killed or the one who was killed? It's the same thing here, the cheater is ALWAYS guilty. There are always different ways to handle a failed relationship rather than cheating.
2007-12-12 17:08:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well it depends why they are cheating and they are cheating with.
Usually people cheat because they lack something in their relationships.... whether or not they approached the other person about it or not is another issue.
If they havnt then I think the cheater is the guilty one, and if they have and the other person has not made an attempt to change or make and effort to contribute to this lack then the cheated on is the guilty one.
Its just pushing the other person away in a direction to find someone else!!
2007-12-12 17:09:45 · answer #4 · answered by Resor 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the one who is cheated on should never feel guilty. EVER. The guilt should be all on the person who cheated. He did not have to cheat on you. there is no law saying that if your girlfriend or wife does "this" you can then cheat on her. If there was something that made him want to be with another woman, he should have told you about it so you could fix it together or he should have broken off the relationship. End of story. cheating is the cowardly and lazy. There is no excuse for it.
2007-12-12 17:45:17 · answer #5 · answered by Jon and Ari P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh Come on! The cheater is at fault! The cheater also always blames the person who was cheated on! The cheater always asserts that the person who was betrayed should have somehow psychically known the one thing they could have and should have told them. The fact is that the cheater does not tell the person they are betraying and goes to a lot of effort to lie and cover up their activities.
Do NOT let that crapper sell you his bag of s**t! He cheated and someone else cheated with him and he betrayed you. It stinks to feel like a victim, but it's time for you to get angry, honey. Because you deserved better and most guys will not cheat and he was a total jerk and a pervert to do what he did to you and to the relationship you had.
I cannot believe he has you thinking about who is the guiltiest? Come on - there is no guilt on your side! What is he blaming? Post-partim depression? What was supposed to be yoru crime? Not being psychic? Not being the other chick he happened to bang it with? Hey, we cannot BE every woman our man sees, no way! So he is the one in charge of keeping it in his pants and letting us know when he is ready to bring it out. Did you have a three-month no-way time with him? Hang him out to dry for weeks because you did not like the new lawn chairs? Exactly what thing you did is supposed to have just disintegrated his marriage vows? Because there are couples who have been honorable through worse, i promise you. So unless you cheated just before? What could possibly be his beef?
2007-12-12 17:23:13 · answer #6 · answered by Amy R 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The cheater feels guilty because they have done a terrible thing by going outside their committed relationship and the person cheated on feels guilty because they wonder what they did or didn't do to send their partner into another's bed. But the guilt should be on the cheater.
2007-12-12 17:07:22 · answer #7 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The cheater is guilty. The person being cheated on is not doing anything wrong. The only wrong thing that the person being cheated on doing is putting up with it!
If anyone is trying to blame you for being cheated on, don't listen.
2007-12-12 17:12:55 · answer #8 · answered by Science vs. Romance 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The cheater of cause the one who is cheated on is a victim and in some cases so is the person who was cheated with as they may not know that the person they are with has a person in their life.
2007-12-12 17:09:59 · answer #9 · answered by Mummy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im curious to know why you think its your fault. Theres something your not saying so your question can't really be answered. Common sense would say its his fault, but in any case you two have some serious problems to work out unless it was a drunken extreme circumstance which still doesn't make it right but better than if it was planned and thought out. If you have to go outside the marrige to get your rocks off it's a problem!!!
2007-12-12 17:55:55 · answer #10 · answered by equi_tye 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋