My wife of 14 years and I have drifted a part from one another. Over the last two months I noticed a great distance and emotional separation from my wife. I suspected an affair. Last week, it was confirmed that my wife is having an affair with a married man. We have 4 children, very nice home, and financially stable. I have a great career of 24 years. My wife is a stay-at-home mom. I can't imagine leaving my children and home. Futhermore, I have a gut wrenching feeling that this man will live in my home and spend more time with my children than I, if my wife and I get a divorce.
I want to work on our marriage and rekindle the relationship. My wife recognizes that she has made a big misstake and has destroyed the trust in our marriage. My wife informed me that she is confused, in-love with another man, and needs time to sort things out. I've been waiting now since last week for my wife to recommit to our marriage. Today, she went away to visit a girl friend who I trust.
2007-12-12 16:33:56 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
maybe you should go to marriage counseling.
2007-12-12 16:39:21 · answer #1 · answered by somebody's a mom!! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's tough, sorry to hear about the betrayal. I'm sure you're blaming yourself and all kinds of things are racing through your head and your first instinct is to try to "fix" the problem and get things back to the way they were.
However, the problem is if you take her back you just wrote "welcome" on your forehead. It's almost certain that even IF she comes back she'll cheat on you again.
If this man is married, it's not likely he'll leave his wife so your scenario is possible but not probable.
If you are financially stable start looking for a nanny for the kids, and change the locks. Tell your wife that what she did was a dealbreaker and you hope she's happy with the other man because she's not welcome back in your house and have her sister/mom come over to pick up her stuff.
2007-12-13 14:03:01 · answer #2 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your regrets would be for your children getting to know another man better.. living with him and all. And not for the loss of her. You describe your relationship to her, by a workaholics standards.. in that you listed a nice home and being financially stable. I commend you for taking care of her financially, but women really do get bored being housewives. It's a lonely existence. What will you offer her of yourself if she chooses you? I mean, personally? More of your time perhaps? But if your wife is in love with another man.. then maybe you need to accept this awful thing. You will have to find out from her if she can recommit to you and how long should you wait? I would hope that she respects you enough to let you know immediately. As soon as she gets back. It's only fair to you..
2007-12-13 00:48:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no maybe to it you both should be in individual counseling as well as marriage counseling. This kind of thing rarely resolves itself. I am afraid that there has already been enough damage done that without some professional help you will resent her quickly after you make up thus pushing the distance between you even farther. I think you owe it to your children to get professional help with this one with or without her so you will be better equiped to handle things properly for them no matter what Mom does. I truly hope that you will both commit to fixing this. Even if she decides to go the other way it is her responsibility to earn her way from this relationship properly before pursuing the other one. You and your children should stay in your home together regardless of where she goes at least for the time being if that is possible. The less disruption of their lives during this time the better.
2007-12-13 00:47:50 · answer #4 · answered by STLgirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i am sorry this is happening. you sound like a reasonable guy. and a logical one. there are books in the bookstores about why affairs start. they are in the marriage section. you have been waiting a week? dear. i want you to succeed at this, and i want you to feel good about it.
read those books. learn about this. there are websites about affairs and how to stop them and get your wife back.
my friend, what is she hungry for? romance? love? excitement? someone to think she is gorgeous? someone to make her crazy with excitement? someone to care about her? what role is he filling?
have you ever heard of something called marriage encounter? it is weekend for couples that has saved marriages. if you think marriage counseling will help you, try it, but, i have seen it fail more times than not.
then there is the school of thought that insists that you not be passive, be manly and strong and serve her to this guy on a platter and act like you dont care and she will come running back, oh, i think that is the going steady section.
as a female, i would never tell my husband i was in love with another man, cause he would kick me to the curb, and, anyway, i would not be cause he is handsome, strong, sure, and interesting, and not a pushover.
2007-12-13 01:15:58 · answer #5 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long to wait? - until your children are grown...
I predict she'll be back soon as she has already discovered her mistake...
The other man is married so doubtful he will leave his family
Pray....
Read Divorce Busters book...
You have competition so you need to be nicer, kinder, more charming to her than the other guy......to bring her home. Now is not the time to turn into a jerk though you may feel angry
Don't argue with her either, but don't agree with cheating. To diffuse an argument, just agree with her "yes, I was late" or "You're right, I was negligent."
2007-12-13 01:03:50 · answer #6 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if she loves u....she would end the affair immediately....u should not tolerate affairs on her part....find out why she had the affair... if its just purely for fun then u should leave her, if ur marriage was in trouble and u feel that ur partly to blame, perhaps u should give her another chance provided she compensate u by being honest and being faithful and both of u need to make changes to affair-proof ur marriage. If she insist its entirely ur fault and wants to continue the affair, its time to cut her loose....discuss it without anger as u need to be understanding and she needs to be remorseful also. affairs are survivable if u still love one another. alot of couple go through this at least once in a marriage. i know it hurts cuz u love her and wat happened it not justified. i hope u can work it out. but if ur are going to give her a chance then make sure she knows its the last one. gd luck
2007-12-13 00:48:08 · answer #7 · answered by Sony 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time to sit down and communicate with each other. The problems in your marriage started with the lack of communication to begin with. If she realizes that she has made a mistake and you are willing to forgive her then the two of you should seek marriage counseling so that you can get professional help on how to fix your marriage.
2007-12-13 00:57:29 · answer #8 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
give her 1 week with the girlfriend then send her her favorite flowers with a card that says lets go to a marriage counsler together and try to save our marriage and mabey call just to say hi and that you still love her i know it is hard to say when something like this happens but woman need to hear it everynow and then and the flowers as well as a call could be just what she needs to hear good luck hope all works out
2007-12-13 00:45:17 · answer #9 · answered by christy b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's involved with a married man, does his wife know about it?
In the mean time, talk to a lawyer about your rights. I don't see any reason for you to move out of your home, you aren't the one cheating. Also, counseling is a must.
2007-12-13 00:43:48 · answer #10 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
give her time to get her thoughts together and then go and see a professional.. if you are both willing to work on the marriage it should work providing she doesn't cheat anymore gool luck and god bless
2007-12-13 00:39:56 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋