Husband and his name calling PLEASE HELP!?

Question

9/10 times when we get into an argument my husbands resorts to name calling. Now I wouldn't be so pissed off had we just yelled at each other, but like today, I slept in on MY DAY OFF and he didn't set his alarm figuring i would wake him up for work, he wakes up with 15 minutes til he has to leave(virtually enough time to get ready and out the door) and he calls ME a lazy ***... Now can someone please tell me, is this normal, he's 21 and he knows he's doing this I tell him allt he time I can't stand it when he calls me names and his reaction is "I'll work on it, its a problem and its your fault you're not supporting me, ect ect..." anyone have any word on this? he thinks its because when he gets frustrated he has nothing else to take it out on, I'm afraid that when we start having children he might to the same thing to them... help please?!?

Well when he was 17 his dad had held a gun up to his head for reason of not joining the military or something(his dad is a navy guy with an abusive history) and this may in fact BE the root of all of this but he uses the gun excuse for EVERYTHING. So i highly doubt that, that is the tramatic experience that makes him call me names. He always apologizes with in 10 minutes of doing it, but 2-3 weeks later he's doing it again. he has hit me once about 2 years ago, and he is very solemn about it, and i feel comfortable saying i don't think he would ever hit me again.

Answer 1

he will do the same to them.
he's very immature. most men are.
work at making a new rule in your house when it comes to name calling. Have him put so much % of his pay check in your hands to spend as you please. that shouldn't last long then

Answer 2

For starters, he continues to call you names because you let him get away with it. It's not right, and it's not fair, but he has no incentive to change right now. His name calling stems from emotional immaturity (not your fault) and an inability to take responsability for his own actions.

So, for starters, when he calls you a name, you must not get emotional, you must not yell back at him, you must not cry. What you MUST do is tell him, calmly and firmly, that it is not acceptable and that if it happens again you are leaving. And then you must make good on your word.

Now, I'm not saying you have to divorce him. But he doesn't have to know that. Once you tell him, if he does it again you leave. Go stay with a friend, or family, or in a hotel. But you leave and you don't go home until he calls, apologizes, and you are certain that he intends not to do it again. If he does it again, you leave again, and this time you don't go back until he seeks counseling and attends regularly, and you're sure he's making progress and intends to stick with it.

You are young, you two don't have any children, and you can do this. I assure you that if he doesn't get his behavior under control, he WILL do the same things to the children once you have them.

The thing is, people do what works. His name calling is working, and he's not suffering any consequences for it right now, except having to listen to you say you don't like it. But he blows you off with "I'll work on it" and he doesn't really work on it (if he did, it would stop).

When it (the name calling) quits working for him, he'll quit doing it.

You can't control anyone else's behavior, and I'm not suggesting you control your husband's behavior.

But you CAN control what you're willing to accept in life and in a marriage. If you want to be called names for the rest of your life, continue with what you're doing (it's not working). If he's not willing to respect you and treat you decently, there are a heck of a lot of other men out there that are, and you shouldn't settle for less than that.

Best wishes to you, I hope this helps.

Answer 3

This is definitely a problem...what your dealing with is a form of verbal and emotional abuse. There are a number of reasons why this may be happening, he may be insecure. My suggestion is to deal with this now. If he says he will work on it, suggest counseling, especially if you two are planning on starting a family together. He is young now and the situation will only get worse and escalate into something worse if not addressed now. You have to ask yourself though if he worth it all and if he is do you really want to put your kids through the stress of all the emotional and verbal abuse???

Answer 4

I can guarantee he will. My father did the same thing but with screaming in place of names. You need to talk him into taking some form of anger management otherwise it's not going to stop. Oh and his bull of trying to say it's your fault is sh** and don't forget it. Everything he does and says is HIS choice and therefore HIS fault. He is only trying to make you feel guilt so you will temporarily leave the matter alone. Honestly calling anyone names is disrespectful. Ask yourself this... If people who really love each other respect each other then how can he truly love and respect you if he is calling you names like a 10 year old brat. How can a man who doesn't respect you and is a brat of a child his self, have children with you and be a good dad?

Answer 5

Your husband needs HELP!! I feel very firmly that name calling is the first signs of a potential abusive spouse. Why do people name call... When they lack something within themselves they lash out at others. (kids name call, with low self esteem or when they are bullying)

Question- Does this happen with others or just you?

If it's only happening to you, then I think, he feels he has control over you and don't have to respect you or what you say.

Please take a STAND and have a serious talk with your husband.

Answer 6

It's a habit you guys have gotten into with your fighting. He was upset because you two hadn't communicated the night before (both of your faults) and thought he was going to be late for work. He didn't know how to express his being upset (his fault) with both of you so he knew it would get you upset too if he called you a name & it worked.

It's not right for him to name call, however, if you don't react to it, he'd probably stop doing it sooner. I'd suggest going to some type of communication counseling as I'm sure the name calling and not telling him "I'm going to sleep in tomorrow, you may want to set your alarm" are not the only two issues you guys have.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Nevertheless, it is abusive. Get counseling now, or don't have children! A man should actually have a very hard time calling a woman he truly loved anything other than a term of endearment. What you're getting is hateful, and he is making you believe that it is your fault, and you're buying that victim sh*t..
You should have watched Oprah last night. I think you would be outta there by now!

Answer 8

Your Husband is Verbally Abusing you. You said he's even hit you in the past (even though you feel certain it won't happen again). It will only escalate over time. And the more you "accept his behavior", the more he's going to "slip" and call you names. He sounds immature to say the least. Don't make excuses for him. He's abusive and you have the power to do something about it. Either have him go to conseling (Alone!) or cut your losses and find someone who deserves you and appreciates you for You. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

My boyfriend is 21, too.
And if he EVER did that to me there would be a flippin riot.
Your day off is a day off.
Off of work and BS like that.
Next time, put his alarm an hour early.
In fact, change all the clocks in the house an hour early, so his stupid A-SS wont get worked up over you having to wake him up.

Answer 10

.Yeah I have a great suggestion...marriage counseling.

He is being incredibly disrespectful calling you names like that. In my opinion he actually believes them and feels he has the right to inform you of how insuperior you are..to him.

He has the sound of an abusive man in the making, right now he is verbally abusive but since he's making things he should be responsible for your fault this will only escalate.

You might console yourself that he'll grow out of it and one day change...or you could wake up one morning with a husband your afraid of.

Please seek some marriage counseling before things get really out of hand.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 11

DO NOT ALLOW this to continue. ONLY YOU can Stop this once and for all before children even come into the picture. He's young at 21 and needs to be told straight up that You Will Not allow him anymore to speak to you like that. If he has a problem when in arguments to lash out at you verbally, then he needs some growing up to do and perhaps some counselling to find out what his problem is that he has to resort to "Hurtful Name Callings".....
If that doesn't seem to work, and it goes through one ear of his and out the other.........

You can either ask him to Leave*....and not put up with it.....
or Resort to calling him hurtful names back...until he finally GETS that it's uncalled for and not appropriate ...... but where does that get you? no where other than stooping down to his leve.....or IGNORE him and walk away till he's cooled down some ..then AGAIN let him know how hurtful he is and DONT PUT UP WITH IT ANYMORE........as it can and will only get worse~*

But definately Don't take it anymore. Goodluck*