It happen about 2 yrs ago but i just found out and its with someone i knew!I forgave him because i love him but i cant get it out of my mind ....espeacily when we are having sex,,and after sex i feel dirty ...what should i do??
2007-12-12 15:15:13 · 59 answers · asked by Julz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
since u just found out its as if it just happened, and to get over something as serious as this, u would need to talk about it with him, not necessarily know all the details, but find out where his heart is at. but u will never forget it, especially when your intimate, u will always think of him in the arms of another. marriage is about having that person exclusively to oneself, and not sharing, once your betrayed u don't see him the same way as u use to. if u love him get some therapy, it all depends on his level of remorse, how willing he is to acknowledge he knows what he did hurt u, and if he is willing to make u the most important person in his life.
2007-12-12 22:48:38 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being married myself i could somewhat understand what you must be feeling, i know its hard to leave that person because no matter what you will always be thinking about them and drawn back to them, calling them and what not, but some things are just too much, if it were me, i would think about the fights that we've had, the things i've put up with, and what kind of respect would i have for myself if i did not stand up for myself over something this big? Is there anything you would leave him over? You need to think who you are putting first him or you? Do you think you will find someone who will treat you better, who wont cheat on you? No one can decide but you, but if it were me i would be thinking things like "How can i trust this person?" "does he even really care about me?" "Is this how i want to be treated?" I think if you dont leave him you should atleast take a seperation, do you ahve any freinds or family to stay with? make him get the idea that its a BIG DEAL and the fact that he hid it from you as well....i dont see myself ever getting over it, but you may be different from me. Also many people say once a cheater always a cheater, some men are just like that, you need to really think about the kind of guy your husband is, if hed do it again? I dont know what other advice to give, other than you need some time away and A LOT of thinking over. Good luck sweetie! I hope this helped.
2007-12-12 15:26:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love him and you truly believe he will be committed to you and only you from this point forward: I would suggest you see a counselor or therapist. There is a lot you must be feeling right now and a professional would help a ton. Your husband, at this point should be ready and willing to do whatever is necessary to save your relationship, and that would include attending session with you so the two of you can sort it out. If you have any doubts about him being faithful; I'd still suggest a counselor for you. Your healing process will begin either with or without him.
Best of luck and lots of hugs to you.
2007-12-12 15:23:51 · answer #3 · answered by SUSAN B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough...
Does he really love you?
Look, mena are capable of cheating and not feeling remorse or for that mater think that what they are doing is really all that wrong. Mena re very good at rationalising sex....sure I am screwing this chick but I love my wife so that sorta makes it allright.
Kinda makes me sick to my stomach that you put up with it. Once a cheater.....most likely always a cheater. Maybe he cheated becasue he knew that you would let him get away with it. He may say that he loves you and respects you but if he really did then why did he cheat? He may feel theses things but his definition of love can be different from your definition of love.
rust is waht all good relationships are based on. Once trust is lost then it is more or less impossible to ever get back to that level where there was never any doubt in your mind at all. Now, the thought will be forever somewhere creeping aound the deepest crevices of your mind. This is something that you will always cary with you. You will NEVER be able to forget it.
Plus it;s one thing to cheat on you if it;s with a namelless faceless person...still 100% wrong, but to do it with someone you know says that he does not respect you or value your mariage to the level that you do.
You need some soul searching. You will NEVER be able to forget infidelity. You can live with it, but it never goes away.
2007-12-12 15:23:57 · answer #4 · answered by truth 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if i had a dime for every time that i heard the reason for forgiving someone is "because i love him", i would have more money than Warren Buffet,
you do not love yourself
how much less could you love a cheater
self respect means you love your self 1st
then everyone else ( including spouses )
and that means if you are cheated on
then it's over
more so if it was hidden from you and he did not even have the guts to tell you directly
he has shown the ultimate in betrayal and disrespect and contempt for not only you
but your marriage and women in general
so why would you stay wit a guy like that?
unless you lack self respect
2007-12-12 15:28:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A promiscuous mate is no longer just a threat to marital bliss, but of course to the ravages of the AIDs syndrome, which almost make syphylis and gonorhea look like the sniffles. Any spouse with a wandering mate has to choose: get out of the marriage or live with a ticking time bomb.
2007-12-12 15:24:52 · answer #6 · answered by te144 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe a "seperation" (aka- TimeOut) is in Order. Cheating is bad enough, But with someone you KNOW, that is just LOW. You want to forgive him, but you can't. If you really think you want to stay, then I'd suggest counseling. A professional could give you some great coping skills. Good Luck!!
2007-12-12 16:06:26 · answer #7 · answered by casper 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him you forgave him, but it is still so fresh in your mind, even though it happened 2 years ago, you just found out. Forgiving, and forgetting are two very different things. I think only time and your husbands assurance of being true to you and only you will help this. If he is not going overboard to win your trust and respect back, maybe this can't work. If he is just give it time.
2007-12-12 15:20:20 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel☺ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to move on and try to forget it, after all he's still
with you, and this says that he loves you, and not someone
else. Don't let this destroy a good relationship, we all make mistakes and sometimes it is just sex, and once this is over
then it usually means nothing - just an itch that needed to be
scratched.This may sound blase and cruel to you, but I have
had bad experiences in life too, but if you let it take over your
life - then it will destroy you and your relationship. I know it is easy to say, but get over it and move on, you're still loved and this makes you a lucky person, in my opinion. Please try to forget the bad and rejoice in the good, you will be happier and healthier - I promise you !!! Good luck, enjoy today -
tomorrow it could be too late. D.D.
2007-12-12 15:27:38 · answer #9 · answered by donasia2001 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is HARD. I was cheated on when we were dating and I never really got over it. We are married now, and still I get upset when I think about it and it was 9 years ago!!! See if youcan get some counseling. It helped me a bit. Try not to harp on him all the time. I know it's diffiucult, but he will pull away from you. Men are a pain in the *** aren't they though?
2007-12-12 15:19:25 · answer #10 · answered by GiddyGiddyGoin 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋