I just got married 3 weeks ago. My husband is so bad at sex. I'm feeling frustrated. What can I do?

Answer 1

Do you know what you like, what turns you on? Then teach him, gently. Just because he's not good at it now doesn't mean he can't get better at it. If your willing to take the time to teach him what you need, then I think he can learn to do it for you. But if you are the more experienced one then you have to be patient with him. After all if you didn't know this before, then you definitely didn't marry him just for the sex, did you?

Answer 2

You might have to start by asking yourself how you want to be satisfied. Seriously;-)

If you can or want to please yourself, that takes some of the burden off him. The male ego is touchy, so try not to put him down or make him feel less-than. Let him know what is working. Appreciate him for ALL he is doing for you (take out trash, cook, gifts, manners, notes, remembering special dates). Tell him thank you more often. I think that is also a great incentive for a man to please you. He wants to be reminded that you chose well and he is meeting that high standard you set for a husband.

Maybe just a nice massage or kissing your body will make up for a bunch. Not sure what makes him sooo bad. Just that he takes no initiative? Each man has strengths and weaknesses.

What is he doing well? Build on that and have him try that in a different way. Good hands? Have him touch you more. etc.

Also, focus on pleasing him for a few days/weeks without asking for something in return. :Learn about the male body. Massages along with the other stuff. Show him how you get hot doing that. He may feel better and take a cue from you. Also when you tell him how to get your blood pumping and interested in doing that again, he will try harder because he knows what you can deliver (not that you are a machine that is 100% all the time, of course)

I think guys want to know they are desireable too-- what an aphrodesiac!

Answer 3

First off, COMMUNICATION is key in all relationships. The two of you should talk openly and let eachother know what you/him like or would like to see more of. Don't be afraid to be assertive and detailed, guys can't read minds - besides the more detailed and straight ot the point you are, hopefully will also be in return.
- Also, role playing may help or talking dirty. Though it may seem weird at first, you (or him) may find that it works and turns you on in some kinky way.
- You know the saying "practice makes perfect" don't you? Well it doesn't exist for nothing...be pactient AND persisstent and make sure to build his stamina through practice and different positions. (there are TONS of books on positions and karma sutra that just may do the trick!)

Through all of this, just be aware that a man's pride can be touchy, so when confronting the situation, make sure to use "I" statements (though that may sound corny, its true), don't point the finger at him as if he is to blame, let him know that you are also still learning about yourself and what you like and by him trying different things/ways, he is along the journey with you of learning eachothers 'spots' and 'pleasures'.

I would say it is too soon to look into sex therapy/marriage counseling. So try these other things before such a drastic decision.

Answer 4

You guys are going to have to explore a lot of new stuff and be really honest with what each person needs/wants. It sounds like maybe you are his first? If that is the case there will have to be a lot of lessons in female anatomy, etc. It is alright to show him what you like and have an open dialog about what needs to be happening. I'm sure he'll be sensitive about this so be careful about how you go about it. Just start talking about your sex life all the time so that you can easily bring up the problems as well as benefits. Don't hesitate to tell him what he is doing that you like and also point out when he's doing the job well.

Answer 5

Why not try and get some books on sex and make sex a learning experiences. You never know, you might learn a thing or two yourself. Make it fun, like read something and then try it. If he is hurting you or it isn't what you are into then you can say simply "This isn't for me, let's try something else!"
Make up your room, fresh sheets e.t.c for a whole weekend that you can stay at home in bed. Pick out some lingerie and maybe some costumes if you are keen. Light some candles for the Friday night and have the books ready. Get him to wait in the lounge if he is home, or do it before he gets home on the Friday if you are home before him. Get dressed up into what ever you like that makes you feel sexy. Spend the weekend "getting to know each other."

Some good books are:
* The complete idiot's guide to amazing sex by Sari Locker http://www.betterlifemedia.com/shop.do?pID=690
(it is also downloadable) http://www.indianpad.com/story/29493
* Hot Sex by Tracey Cox or any book just about by Tracey Cox http://www.holisticpage.com.au/_Tracey_Cox.php

I hope you find a way to a steamy sex life soon :)

Answer 6

Looks like he was a virgin and you weren't. You should have taken him on a test drive a few times before you got married, and if you tried, and he wanted to wait, maybe that was a red flag that needed heeding. He either needs a lot more practice or has some deep-seated psychological problems or sexual hang-ups. The practice part you can fix; the psychological part will just get worse and eventually you will break up. Tough, but that's the way it is.

Answer 7

ok this is a new marriage and this isn't a real big problem. now we are adults so here goes oral sex and doggie style you assume the position that you want. get on your knees and you know what i mean, he maybe trying to hard to show you some respect, I don't know. But I know what you are wanting so he's your hubby and pull the lips apart and play with your clit and ask him to lick that spot. and suck it. now i hope i didn't offend you but have fun and walk around naked in heals for him it will drive him nuts....

Answer 8

Did you not sleep with him before you were married? Maybe you are the one bad at sex, and its not him at all. You cannot expect someone to finish you every time, sometimes you have to work on those issues yourself. Maybe the two of you are not sexually compatible.

Answer 9

You had to learn from someone, so teach him everything you want him to know. You have to start with talking about him, you know the ego thing. Tell him that you want to talk about what turns him on, and what he likes you to do to him, and then you start talking. It's up to you, it won't get better unless you tell how you feel. When someone does something wrong and it bothers you, it will never get fixed until they know what and how they did it wrong. Same way with you,there will be some things you do that will bug the stuffin out of him, but until he tells you, how are you going to fix it.

Answer 10

Eeewwww. Delicate topic.

In some communication training I've had I was told that it is important that the person first feel that they have been heard and understood. So ask how he feels about your sexual relationship, and listen. Then when you have his perspective you can offer yours - hopefully he will ask for it. Rather than directly telling him as you did us you could say something like, "It would be really great if you . . . ." or "I think it would be such a turn on if you . . .".

Best wishes.