I am gay, i recetnly admitted that to my self. But i still dont want it to be true....?

Question

i still want to get married to a women, and have kids. I just don't see my self in old age being with a man. Is this just a phase im going through, or am i really gay and just in denial?

im 20 if that matters

Answer 1

I think that maybe you're letting you're family's beliefs, or wishes for you, affect your judgement. You can still have a long term relationship with a man that includes children. Don't let society's influence allow you to deny who you really are. Because trust me when I tell you this; you're in for a lifetime of misery if you marry a woman and have children knowing you're gay. I know so many men who have been in that predicament only to end up divorced with allot of heartache and many lives upset. Life is to short, be yourself regardless of what you've been taught is right. The only right thing is to be true to yourself.

Answer 2

The only one who can answer your question is you.

I am happily hetero. But have had some interesting experiences. I lived in a MFM menage-a-trois for some years. There was a fair amount of MM contact. But, given the circumstances, neither of us felt it was gay. I have been with M2F pre-op transexuals. Again, because she was a she, I didn't think I was gay. (Although, there are plenty of those who might.)

We all have values that were inculcated by our family and society. I would say, and I have no personal experience to assert this, that the hardest part of being gay is admitting the values we grew up with: spouse of the other sex, children of that we procreate naturally (I mean the couple themselves rather than adoption, artifical insemintation...) are the hardest to give up. They seem so everyday, so like everyone else. We all have a natural desire to "fit in".

I have many friends and acquaintences whom I dearly love who are in MM or FF relationships. They are loving and happy.

I would suggest finding a counselor who can help you reconcile your recognition of being gay with your inculcated values of having a wife. I think that may be the biggest issue.(And if you are wrong, the counselor can help you see that.)
Children you can adopt as a gay couple.

I have some experience with counseling and I will say there is nothing like someone who is non judgemental and has the knowledge to help you find your course through a knotty problem. Well worth the price.

Good luck to you.

EDIT

PS: after scanning some of other answers:
1: Forget the surpress it advice. This leads to hurt and sorrow down the road. Gay men who marry will stray and however much they love their wife and family will end up hurting them. Something that can be avoided by knowing themselves.

2: Forget the religious bigots who spout gospel to prove that gays and lesbians are evil. There are plenty of churchs that will welcome you if you are religious. The main reason I joined the church I did is that they practice the principal of love everyone and reject the notion that anything other than MW relationships are acceptable. People who love each other are beautiful no matter what.

Answer 3

Well, you might have an attraction to men, and women. Therefore, you're probably bisexual. It's ok, I have a simular situation. I like girls, but I can't see myself being old and married to one. If you want to be with a women and have children in the future, then you can. It could be just a phase, because it is possible that someone straight might become gay, or vice versa. You're still young, so don't worry about it too much and you'll find the answer soon enough. ;-)

Answer 4

If you are truly gay than you would know and not think that it was just a phase. Maybe you are not gay. But if you are getting married to a woman is the worst thing you could do. You would be cheating her out of a true marriage and deceiving her by making her believe she was marring a straight man. And bringing children in to that situation would be very selfish you. On top of all that, you wouldn’t be happy .Because if you are truly gay you won’t be happy being married to a woman. I know you were probably raised to thing that being gay is wrong, but if you are gay it wasn’t a choice that you made it’s the way you were born. Live gay and live proud.

Answer 5

No Ur not gay. You are going through a sinful phase this is Satan trying his best to work on to days young minds. I say girls are pretty all the time and admit that some females are attractive but I'm not gay. I know that because I want to be with a man and I enjoy being with a man. Don't turn out gay because you think another man is attractive that's part of life don't you dare sleep with a man either it's just not normal. I'm telling you for your own sake. You say you can't see yourself with a man in old age then that truly means you want a women. Lot's of people wonder but that doesn't mean you have to do it. We sin and we think sin but be with a female. I'm telling you a gay man will hurt worser than a gay women. Do you really wanna have children and tell your kids most of all son I was gay. Please I'm begging you not too I'm just tired of all these young men acting like bitches. If you ever need to talk to me add me to your contact I will do my best to persuade you.

Answer 6

What turns you on? Thats what determines whether you are gay or straight. It doesn't change. If men turn you on, men will continue to turn you on. If women turn you on, they will continue to turn you on. Thats it, pure and simple.

The society is becoming a lot more flexible. It actually shouldn't be that hard to find a woman who will be glad to be your wife and to join with you in raising children, and who will understand your gay side and feel comfortable with you living the gay life. She may want a life of her own on the side. She could be straight, she could be lesbian and want a child. It happens, more than you might think.

What you must do, absolutely MUST DO, is assure that whatever gay contact you have is SAFE. You must NOT bring some disease back into your home. You owe that to your female partner, you owe it to your children, and you owe it to yourself. You must make an iron clad rule to never have sex without protection, ever. You would be well advised to not even drink before going out, or while you are out, because it lowers inhibitions. It doesn't happen much, but AIDS has been caught in a single slip up and you cannot do that to your female partner, to your kids, or to yourself. Period.

Answer 7

If you want to marry a woman & have kids & don't see yourself ultimately being with a man, then I would think that you may just be going through a phase right now rather than in denial.

Answer 8

It depends on how old you are, among other things. Lots of 13-14 year olds think they're gay, but they usually aren't. It's just that at that age everything turns them on.

However, even if you are gay, the biological reproductive imperative is still at work, the urge to make more of yourself, to be a parent. And seeing yourself with someone in old age depends a lot on finding the right person, and you just aren't there yet.

Don't worry too much about it, don't be too anxious to pigeon hole yourself. Keep you options open, mingle, and see where life takes you. It will all work out.

Answer 9

I used to feel the same way. I was gay but "knew" I was still going to marry a woman. Give yourself time. You'll find your way. I now am glad I am gay and wouldn't change for the world because I know the challenges I face have made me a better person. Whatever you do, don't let anyone tell you how to live your life.

Answer 10

Try to be compassionate with yourself. If you are mostly attracted to men, there is NOTHING to be ashamed about. That is your sexual orientation. It's not an easy life right now because people are so ignorant and they say that God doesn't want you to be Gay. Christ's message was one of love, compassion and acceptance.

I know that as the years go by, the world will become more accepting of gay people. You be true to yourself. It will cause you much more pain trying to force yourself to feel something that you do not feel. If you are naturally attracted to men, that that is the way God created you.

Be well!!