I cheated, then lied to her that I would not contact my girlfriend again but I did. She found out that I called her and text messaged her numerous times. I can't see that she will ever trust me again. And I don't deserve her but should I try to get her back? I do love her, and I realize what a fool and a.h. I am. The whole thing is tearing me up but nothing like how much I have hurt her.
2007-12-12 13:44:33 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You did the crime, now do the time. Forgive and forget is a fairy story. You may regret your actions, but given the chance you would probably do it again. Walk away and let your wife have a better life.
2007-12-12 13:49:41 · answer #1 · answered by 2hot 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Whether you should try to get back with her, you have to ask yourself HONESTLY - What are you willing to do to make it right? How long are you willing to wait for the trust to return? Are you willing to put up with the questions, the suspicions, until you have earned that trust back? Are you willing to be transparent when it comes to where you are, who you're with, what your doing AT ANY TIME? Because its up to you to restore that trust. And don't expect that just because you decided you want back into the marriage that she won't have doubts, may not want you back into her bed?
Are you willing to get counseling to find out why you had the affair? Its NOT enough just to say it won't happen again. How do you KNOW if you don't know why you did in the first place? Would you accept a mechanic telling you that the brakes won't fail again, even though they didn't fix anything, and last week your car ran into the back of a truck?
As to how long it would take, its impossible to say. It depends on how deep the hurt goes, how many ways you betrayed your love - not just the affair, but did you make her life worse to cover your guilt? Did you start arguments, pick on things, walk out instead of talking? Just to justify the fact "she didn't understand you"?
2007-12-12 14:04:46 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line, you put yourself in the situation that supported your actions. For example, if your married and you choose to go to clubs or chase booty you will eventually run out of reasons why you shouldn't do it. Even when you looked this other girl in the eye's, while having sex no doubt, you still couldn't allow your love for your wife to get you out of there. You could maybe get her to come back, but your life will NEVER be the same. Once you break a womans trust it will never be the same! They will say they will forgive you, if your lucky, but they will never ever forget!
2007-12-12 14:21:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see that the real trust will ever return. If she has left you, let her go. Even if she comes back, the trust will never be there again. The best thing you can do is get some therapy to help you grieve and move on.
2007-12-12 14:06:34 · answer #4 · answered by SWEETYPI 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apart from what people are saying, it really depends on your wife. Many spouses do forgive and let go after finding out their loved one had been unfaithful to them. My husband cheated on me & it took him the longest to get rid of all contact with the women. Eventually I did forgive him but I also cheated in revenge because my heart was broken. She may forgive you if you prove to her that you can be a better husband but she also might pay you back. You should have never cheated, you have no idea what it feels like to be hurt like that.
2007-12-12 13:58:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably won't be able to trust you again. All you can do is ask her to forgive you, don't expect anything from her and move on. If she does forgive you and decides to take you back, you need to understand that she will still be leery in trusting you and you will have to prove to her, by your actions, that you deserve her trust. Words are cheap and pointless in a situation like this. You have to prove yourself to be trustworthy over time, by being a faithful and respectful husband.
2007-12-12 13:57:28 · answer #6 · answered by terry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am definite every body is special. My prior female friend (or defacto) cheated on me. At the end of the day I resolved myself to the fact it used to be her drawback - ie she used to be bipolar and used sex as a way of feeling liked via anyone. I moved on, but it surely did reason her disorders in many different relationships. I depended on my now spouse expicitely from the begin. But i have visible folks who take longer or who could certainly not once more. It's all up to the character and how their persona
2016-08-06 11:20:24 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She'll have a very hard time trusting you again, and for good reason.
She'll be suspicious when you go out alone and she has a right to be. You're going to have to win back her trust, and to do that you'll need to make her feel secure, NOT lie, and LET her keep tabs on you. It sucks, but you're the one who caused her insecurity, and if you want to be with her, you're going to have to deal with the situation.
2007-12-12 13:57:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should only try to win her back if you really want to do what it takes.....probably have to go to marriage counseling, you would have to be an open book all the time etc....
She gave you a second chance, and by contacting your 'gf' you were on your way to ruining the second chance. I doubt she's going to ever be able to trust you.
2007-12-12 13:57:34 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm specific each and every person is distinctive. My previous female chum (or defacto) cheated on me. on the tip of the day I resolved myself to the certainty it became her project - ie she became bipolar and used intercourse as a skill of feeling enjoyed with the help of somebody. I moved on, notwithstanding it did reason her themes in many different relationships. I relied on my now spouse expicitely from the start. yet I even have considered people who take longer or who could by no skill returned. that is all as much as the guy and how their character
2016-10-01 11:34:04 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋