Married 25 years to a nice, educated family man. Problem is, when my husband is depressed, he directs his anger at me with verbal abuse and becomes a different person, like there are two of him. For instance, I have spent the past 2 mos. shopping, wrapping & preparing for Christmas... mostly his family, mine are out of state. Decorated to the nines, gifts personally selected & wrapped beautifully... he says to me, "Your gifts are worthless and most of them will probably get returned". Then, the other night we were at a martini bar with my son and his new girlfriend (1st time meeting her). My husband calls me Alice at the table. I said, that's not my name. Again he called me Alice. I said, if you can't remember my name, at least think of something cute. He says, "Okay BERTHA!" Now, I am not fat, don't have a big butt, conversely I am very attractive. Need your opinions, please on how you would feel/deal with this, he won't go to counseling. I get these zingers often, that blindside me.
2007-12-12 13:17:50 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to add. At my initiative we have been to couples counseling, I attempted to get him to take anti-depressants both natural and via physician. He won't. I've tried church. I'm at a loss. It's like an alcoholic, the man won't seek help and he snaps back into the nice person, then wondering what my problem is. It's like walking on eggshells, you never know when the verbal abuse is coming. Thank you so much for your help, answers and care everyone. I'm so betwixt because 25 years is a long time but I'm beautiful, successful and loving and don't deserve this either.
2007-12-12 13:27:14 · update #1
My, aren't you prejudiced, associating the name Bertha wilh fat people, as though any female named that is fat by default. And maybe your husband is correct, maybe you are making too much of the holiday season and over splurging, and buying gifts which you think others will like but your husband knows they really won't. Seeing as they are his family it would seem more likely he would have a better idea of this than you. So I'm not about to rule out that you are simply too prissy and narrow minded to see anything other than what you choose to see.
And for all of you women speaking of respect, how about she shows some respect to her husband? It is his family and he has told her not to buy those gifts for them. Why doesn't she show him some respect and abide by his wishes, instead of selfishly acting like she knows better and doing as she pleases? Maybe if she showed some respect of her own then she'd receive it in turn.
2007-12-12 13:25:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
I've often heard that sometimes when the spouse won't go to counseling, the person in your position can go alone. The counselor can help you respond to these things in a productive way, or help in some other way. I don't get where this meaness comes from, or how often it happens or when it started, but I hope it's not making the whole marriage miserable. If it is, I would see a counselor on my own, then work out a plan with the counselor to let your husband know how upset you are.
2007-12-12 13:24:52 · answer #2 · answered by nevillepker 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How many times have you asked this question, to yourself or in an open forum? Stop wasting your energy! you already KNOW what you need to do! For real, it's been 25 years and your still having difficulty reaching a solution. Life is too short to live in someone else's misery. Go get what you deserve, stop making excuses for this guy. The first step is the hardest, once you take it, never look back!
2007-12-12 13:39:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The insult to what you have done is probably guilt because he never helped and the only way he can pull himself up is to downgrade what you have done. Sick. Calling you Alice may be something different. What does your son think? If he had several drinks he may be having thoughts about someone named Alice. Better check up on him (cell phone records, emails, etc.) Bertha is not a bad name but he probably intended it to be. I think he is very insecure and need mental help.
2007-12-12 13:24:17 · answer #4 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Walk out of the restaurant? You wasn't in the restaurant just for him, you was there because you wanted to be there, and to be with your son and his girlfriend. When he called you "Alice", you should answer to him :"Do not talk to me like that. I don't like it", and them take a trip to the ladies room for a couple of minutes, come back happy and totally indifferent to him , until he decided talk to you with the respect you deserve. Do this every time he become disrespectful, and you will become his therapist and his nightmare.
2007-12-12 14:12:35 · answer #5 · answered by mariapavletic 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
OMG that used to be humorous I needed to ship it to a couple persons. I laughed so tough.LOL ANd the exceptional aspect is you advised it correct.LOL I hate while persons attempt to inform jokes on right here and mess them up takes the humorous correct out of them.LOL
2016-09-05 10:36:16 · answer #6 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds rather belligerent.
-prayer, it does wonders
-counseling for sure
-is he an alcoholic? AA then...
-read Fascinating Womanhood & Created to be His Helpmeet
-invite your minister over to have a chat with him
I'm afraid I'd tell him if he's so unhappy he can leave, but I'm not going to be criticized every day.
Joy to you...
2007-12-12 15:39:16 · answer #7 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't have to go to counseling....you can go without him and still get positive results.
He has a problem and unless he wants to change things are going to stay the same....and even get worse.
2007-12-12 13:24:16 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
he may be bipolar. people with this disorder often dont want to seek help. google bipolar disorder (there are too many symptoms to name) but the depression and mania (snapping back) sound like bipolar disorder to me. my step mom has it and she ended up ruining my adolescence from incidents related to the disorder. this condition is hard to deal with and needs some understanding. if he is bipolar, he needs support and help from people close to him, especially you. take care, i hope everything works out ok :)
2007-12-12 13:46:20 · answer #9 · answered by elizadushkuslover 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
no abuse is acceptable even verbal abuse is not to be tolerated, tell him you will not put up with this behavior, if he will not get help then tell him to leave until he changes and gets help, if he won't leave then you should move somewhere else until he learns to treat you with love and respect
2007-12-12 13:24:54 · answer #10 · answered by George 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋