My husband of 25 years looks at porn on the net and tries to hide it from me. he only does it when I am not home or am sleeping. He usually erases the history but sometimes like today he left it all on there for me to find.
I have asked him why and to please not do it but he won't stop.
It makes me feel like he is looking for someone other than me.
It makes me not want to have sex with him at all.
We have been together all this time (25 years) and I have never been with anyone else. I love him but this "addiction" makes me sick.
What can I do?
2007-12-12 13:02:37 · 16 answers · asked by kuunoita 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for all the answers. I am not sure right now what I am going to do. I do not want to look at porn, with him or alone.
I just wish he would be honest about it and not sneak around. I makes me not trust him about everything he says and does.
I also would like him to try and understand why I feel betrayed by this. But he doesn't see anything wrong with it.
I am ready to just give up. He has destroyed my faith in him and myself.
2007-12-13 12:41:02 · update #1
Just let it go. If you've been together 25 years, you are not looking so hot. Big deal so he looks at porn. Be happy he's not running around with some 25 year old chick.
Besides, since you are a Top Contributor in Pets, you are reading and writing about animals too much. You are just as guitly of screwing around on the computer, if not more.
Plus, you probably spend of lot of time with your pets instead of looking and being sexy for your husband. Every woman wants to blame her husband for everything. I say husbands unite and watch your porn guiltfree!!!
2007-12-12 13:10:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 15⤋
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2016-05-16 18:21:44 · answer #2 · answered by Felicia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a 40 yr old man. I've been Married for 10 yrs. I had always looked at porn weather it be movies,mags or stories. Nothing that ever really affected my life. About 4yrs ago I started going on line looking at porn there. Not to long after that my wife found out what I was doing. Like you she was very upset and hurt. I told her that I was done with it and that I was sorry. Time would go on and I would start up again. It was never about me not loving my wife or looking for something new. To be honest I don't know what I was looking for if anything. I think it was just something to do at first. In time it turned into an addiction. I never realized it until it was to late. After crashing the computer couple time telling my wife I was either done with porn or that I wasn't looking at it. I managed to destroy her self esteem. She turned to a co-worker for support then it turned it to an affair. If I knew then what I know now. I would have stopped along time ago. Since discovering the affair I have not had anything to do with porn. My wife are trying to repair our marriage. I hope this helps. The only advice I can give is talk to him I know you have in the past. Keep talking to him try not to come across as judgmental. Tell him how it makes you feel about him, about yourself.
2007-12-12 14:00:52 · answer #3 · answered by Papa's Q 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Unless he stops or you decide it's ok you're at a stalemate.
Go together or go alone for a few counseling sessions.
This isn't just what married men do....and not all married men look at porn.
2007-12-12 13:32:27 · answer #4 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
We have been married 48 years, my husband has not touched me in any way for over 35 years!!! He would rather look at porn and masturbate than have sex with me,, I told him about all of it, my frustrations, and his porn, I also said I want a divorcée, he has always been not really interested in sex for most of our marriage,, other wise he is a good man,,
2014-06-22 04:21:11 · answer #5 · answered by elizabet_tress 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion, All men don't watch porn and if they do they are perverts. Thing is, if women didn't pose for it, it wouldn't be available either. Perverts are disgusting and insecure. They "wish" they could have those women and since they can't because they are stupid, ugly, or broke, they fantasize about it. Its wrong morally and men who do it don't have any values. Women who let them do it are retarded. Society has become so broken that people want to say it's ok and it's not. There's a lot of things that are happening these days that aren't right or even logical but people want to say "don't hate." If you can love when you want, I can hate when I want. Don't impose your opinions on me and say it's ok. The world. Psh.
2014-10-15 10:43:00 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i cant believe you have let this go on for 25 years and are just now complaining about it. it makes me sick to see all these people say that it is just a guys thing and to ignore it. what next, if a bunch of guys start cheating, will that be their thing too and we have to deal with that? talk to him. tell him it is either the computer or you, and tell him as long as he continues to lust after women other than you, he will no longer have the rights to your bed or you. see how willing he is to please himself to thoughts of being intimate with another woman if he cant be intimate with you. put your foot down and dont let him get away with this. you are his wife not a doormat, if you have feelings and wishes, he has to respect them as your husband whether he agrees with them or not. it is the idea of marriage to compromise.
how would he feel if you were to start flirting with a bunch of handsome younger men and when he asks you to stop you say...oh im just a girl, this is just what we do when you arent around, at least i am not cheating. i am sure he would be pissed as you have a right to be with what he is doing. I say either he stops or you leave for a while. even of you have no intention of ending things, if he sees that he cant do whatever he wishes with no regards to your feelings, maybe he will think twice about his actions. I would cancel the internet, and when he complains, say you have had enough of him wishing he were with someone other than you. women need to stop letting men get away with this...it is not ok, especially if he is doing this without you involved, that is just him being selfish and not wanting to put effort into his sex life and wanting a quick fix. it is an addiction. have him get help, otherwise it will tear you apart.
2007-12-12 13:41:32 · answer #7 · answered by piercing_beauty96 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain.... my man of 5 yrs does the same thing on his laptop... I found it last month when the dsl was not working and had to use his wireless card on his laptop to do some work... it was in his history..
I have said things to him , over and over... it goes in one side and out the other.... and I have just given up..
we don't have a whole lot of sex. ( he has gained so much weight there is not much there to work with, if you get the picture)
You can talk to him and explain how you feel, it might work or it might not...
2007-12-12 13:31:16 · answer #8 · answered by str8putter 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
its sad, my husband has the same addiction, they do it to just get off, but tell you you don't like it, my husband has finally came to the point of knowing he has the addiction, as we're are now seeking counseling for him. if you feel like you can be with him, and you want to work it out then do so, get more freaky in the bedroom, TRUST ME. its funny because now that he can't look at it, we are having alot more sex. so it he doesn't want help, and you can't deal with it anymore then divorce, BUT make that your last thing to do. i hoped i helped in some way, i know exactly what your going through.
2007-12-12 13:33:27 · answer #9 · answered by Nubian Dancer 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
We might be married, but we are still men. Little secret, iot turns us on more, and takes attention away from porn and focuses us more on our partner if she shows us it is OK by looking at porn with us and acting as if she is sort of into it.
He might not be looking for someone other than you. I used to look and think NO ONE is as hot as my GF-now my wife. And the ones I enjoyed seeing the most were the ones who looked physically similar to her. Your Hubby might have a fantasy about YOU in a different context from the one in which he normally sees you. That is why you need to explore this with him. He might want something from you that he doesn't know how to communicate.
If looking at porn is not keeping him from functioning in society it is not a problem.
2007-12-13 00:52:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 4⤋
there could be several reasons he looks at porn. maybe he is looking for ways to spice things up in your bedroom.
there maybe some help for both of you out there. look for a sex therapist or councilor... 25 years is a long time . I don't think he's looking to go outside the marriage . give him a break. open up to him and his interests. after all what the two of you do in your bedroom is no one Else's bizzz.
good luck
2007-12-12 13:17:32 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋