Question for those in mixed race marriages?

Question

Does your mate ever attack your ethnicity when you have heated arguments? My husband is Mexican and I am half black. I was raised in an all white middle class neighborhood with 2 very professional educated parents. I am strong-willed and can be very mouthy at times when I am pissed off. My husband associates my "attitude" with those of black women. (In a very negative way) He says racist comments (you people make me sick, etc), and he's even called me the "n" word on occasions during arguments when he has had a little too much to drink (4 times in 5 years). When he shows this racist part of himself it makes me hate him and want to divorce him. We don't have any children, and I won't get pregnant with a man that would have racist feelings about his own children. I grew up being called "n" word in school and have white family that disowned my father for marrying my mother. I'm disgusted by this behavior. What should I do?

When he sobers up I tell him how badly his behavior hurts me, and ask him to never say it again. He always apologizes, but he says that if I shouldn't act "that way" if I don't want to be the stereotypical black woman. I am ME, and I want to be judged for me and the behavior I have control over, not the race I never had any choice to be. I am proud of my heritage and what the fight for civil rights gave us as a nation. One of those is the ability to marry the a$s of a man I married, who just happens to be mexican.

Answer 1

Nope. He was black and I'm Persian and race was never an issue. None of us saw race, even when we were angry. He must have some unspoken racial issues that come to surface once he is upset. Communicate with him, tell him how it makes you feel and try to help him get rid of his racial issues. If he apologizes, it means there is no excuse for him to repeat this, so if he does, you shouldn't tolerate it. I don't know if you have children or not, but if he sees your race as a "weapon" to use against you, how will he feel about his children who share the same race? That's ridiculous.

Not only did we not use race against each other but we made sure we encouraged each other to be even more proud of who we were. I tried to learn all about the african american culture, food, history etc., he learned about my history, even learned how to speak and write in my native language...it's all about embracing each other's differences and heritage, if your husband can't do that and even uses your race as a "handicap"...you certainly should not put up with it.

Answer 2

Leave him. He isn't worthy. I'm practically married to a man who is half Korean, half Philipino and I'm white. We're both 100% American, though. We make jokes sometimes (you know, I can't dance and he can't drive), but that's it. It's all in pure fun, and NEVER during an arguement. In fact, we don't argue. Your husband blatantly disrespecting you when he does this. You don't need someone in your life who doesn't have enough respect for you to control his temper.

Edit-- I don't know that this is so much your husband actually being racist. I think he's just picking anything he can about you to complain about. He might not mean the things he says about your black heritage, but is just saying them to make you angry. However... this is obvious disrespect. I had an ex who would make up lies about anything just to piss me off.

Answer 3

I'm of European descent and my wife is
Panamanian, and we never make fun of each
others heritage when arguing. Since we hardly
argue the race issue never comes up, and
married to her for more than 20yrs we still
continue to respect each other even though
sometimes we have arguments.

Answer 4

depends how much you love him.you said he called you the n word when he was drinking,but has he done it while sober? people will bs all the time,and say i am not racist i am not racist,but truth is,we are all a little racist.either by true hatered or upbringing,or just plain ignorance.ask him how he really feels about you(sober).i notice that just one person of a givin race has to say something to you and alot of people blame the race.

Answer 5

"U"...don't have to do nothing...this is life. Always it was & will be the same , how long we will have different races, like in the animal kingdom. This is black ppl. mistake, we are in 21st century and should accept whatever we are. Biological term is "*******" "Albaino" "Asian" "Hispanio" "Persian", etc., etc., etc. So, if anybody calls "U" the ..."n"...word just sait: "Yes, I am a "*****" and I am proud and beautiful".. If every/one will start to do that "WILL NOT" be interesting any more and nobody will use the "N" word any more. "Please call me "*******" I am one, doesn't bother me & I am not ashame of it". It is all in the atitede we select, the more "U" get activated by it,....the more satisfaction "U" give to them.
I am white[albino] & I asked a very good friend of mine: "Coffee[that's his real name;from Nigeria], do you like your color?...he said.."No"...my reply was: "Than go and kill your mother because she made you black, not got nobody else". His replay was..."YES YOU ARE RIGHT"....so we have to accept the ..."NATURE"...the way it is; not trying to change it or combat.

Answer 6

yep leave his racist mund Im Vietnamese and my husband is greek never ever are we racist in anyway especially to eachother ...ur racist husband is speaking the truth when he is drunk keep that in mnd too...good luck and glad you dont have kids yet can you imagine what he would call them!...move on up and out!

Answer 7

Thank GOD you don't have children with this a-----le. This is total disrespect.Keep in mind that abuse begins with verbal attacks. Get out before things get worse.

Answer 8

Get rid of him. He should have never married you if he hated your race so much.

Answer 9

You deserve better honey. Anyone does. Race is NOT what defines us, or our behaviour.

Answer 10

leave// take it from a drinker// when were drunk we speak the tthruth.. drinking now.. he is a racist..no matter how mad i am at my bf.. i never would call him a beaner