My husband and I are separated, and he's filing for divorce tomorrow. We had already decided that we would do split custody, on a 4-day rotation, and on the amount of child support would be (he's being VERY generous there). We're trying to have as amicable a divorce as we possibly can, and until today, it seemed to be going well.
But I lost my job on the day of our consultation with the attorney. He's right now paying my rent and some other bills, but I will have about $150 to try to stretch until the beginning of the year, more than half of which will be gas money.
I've been job hunting, trying to find something, going on interviews, etc.
So he called me up and said he's going to take the boys until after I am able to get a job AND have paychecks coming in (probably looking at around four weeks, at the least.)
Keep in mind, it's been less than a week, and two of those days, I was home with my kids because they were sick.
Can he actually do this???
2007-12-12 12:38:52 · 9 answers · asked by CrazyChick 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
BTW, he had been the main breadwinner through the course of our marriage. I had a little part-time job, which he was FINE with. But when he left, for things like gas or groceries, he's only given me the amount of money from my part-time, and immediately went to the child-support amount, which is just not enough to have done much good immediately, since he left about three days before all our bills were due. When I asked him to help cover existing bills, he said that he has his own bills now.
2007-12-12 12:43:33 · update #1
No, I don't see him calling me up and telling me that he's going to be taking the kids for some unknown amount of time as a favor.
I'm not going to let them starve or anything, even if it comes to selling off things I own. But he left me with a month's worth of bills and barely any money coming in to begin with.
So no, I don't think offering to take my kids for a month when I'm in this jamb largely because he just split and I didn't have time to adjust to be able to make what I would need immediately. I'm not talking about long-term maintainance, just about until the end of the year, once I have some income and am not paying OUR bills.
2007-12-12 12:50:29 · update #2
I really don't think I can draw unemployment. I was only working part-time to begin with.
2007-12-12 13:27:21 · update #3
Thick...: Wow, and I thought I might be overreacting.
If it comes to me having to go so far as to move into a homeless shelter, I would happily allow him to (temporarily) have primary custody. Even I can see that having them with me in a homeless shelter is not better than having them with him in his apartment.
It's not getting that far, though. The $150 he's giving me is just my paycheck. And he is covering rent (as child support), so that isn't the issue.
My unemployment is temporary. As I said, it's been one week, and I've only had about four days to really look for something.
It just ticked me off that he suggested that he come get them long before it became apparent that I would get that bad, especially considering the fact that he walked out on all our bills, knowing that I had no way to fend for myself at the time.
I'm not looking to be unreasonably taken care of, it just feels like he put me in this position, then is using it to take the kids.
2007-12-12 13:39:04 · update #4
I think it varies state to state, but I do know he cant keep the kids from you!! With out a parenting plan set up you both are intitled to the kids equally, so he cant just tell you you cant have your own kids, but you should definatly take advantage of the time to find a good stable job, so when it does come time to go to court you can prove you are able to support the family.
2007-12-12 12:53:16 · answer #1 · answered by crzyldy3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO Not I repeat DO NOT allow him to take the children. This will be a terrible mistake that you will be fighting through for a long time. If you give him the kids he can can file an emergency exparte with the court claiming that he should have primary custody of the children because they are living under his household and he could lie and say he doesnt know where you are. The court would grant it to him and you would have to start a custody battle in order to gain primary custody. If this happens you will be forced pay childsupport. Your husband may know this and may be trying to avoid this. Trust me you don't want to be the one in this position. Actually your husband is going about this thing all wrong. He is supposed to provide for you and the children until the divorce and all financial and property matters are settled-don't sell yourself short. There's a good chance that you will receive alimony for yourself. He can't force you out the house. You need to hire an attorney so that you can get a judge to order your husband to pay the bills and still provide childsupport and health insurance. Do your own research and see what papers you may be able to file with the court yourself on your behalf but you will probally need a lawyer to help you out. If you must go and stay with family or friends. Even if it comes to you moving into a homeless shelter for a little while don't give the kids up. A homeless shelter can provide you with many resources that can help you find affordable housing once you get back on your feet. Also you can check the social services department in your area. This would probally be a good way to start because they are able to provide emergency food stamps and give your more info about services they offer that you may need. Dont let your husband get off on this-i don't trust him. I've seen too many of these types of situations go wrong. Also keep in mind if you dont already have a court order regarding custody he could take the kids to live with him and deny you to take them when you did get on your feet. If you called the police to try to retreive the kids they will ask if you have a custody agreement signed by a judge and if you don't they won't do anything to help you because it's not illegal for a father to have his children living with him. while this is going on your husband could be hitting you with all kinds of suits from divorce to childsupport. Think about it, You know your husband better than any of us so do what you think is tryly best and really pray about this because i know it is not your intention to keep the children from their dad you just need protect yourself legally and you lose ground when you give up the kids-just know that. A judge is going to look at where the kids are at. Even if you are in a homeless shelter a judge will see a mother who did not abandon her kids and is struggling because a husband and father left the home and did not make the proper financial arrangements for the family. I hope things work out the best situation possible for your family. This tough time without the financial issues.
take care
2007-12-12 13:25:53 · answer #2 · answered by REALADY 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure I understand. It seems like you are under a lot of stress and it is nice that he is willing to take responsibility for the day to day child care while you work to get your feet on the ground. It sounds like he's trying to help you, not hurt you.
After reading the addition that you put in, I'd say that you need to get a lawyer and work out all the details legally.
The bills that were incurred while he was there are not yours alone. A mediator could help...
2007-12-12 12:43:49 · answer #3 · answered by Bentley 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not really sure. I don't think that he can, by law it has to be put in writing i think. if you haven a problem with making ends meat till you get an other job and you have a puter. I ight be able to help you with the money thing. you will be paid instantly. it is a affiliate program or a MLM or anything like that. send me an email and i will send you the site. If not than I wish you the best.
2007-12-12 12:46:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that your husband is doing its responsibility as father of those kids. If you ask me, yes he can because if you can't take care of those kids, your husband can take them but if you agree with your husband that it will be temporary to stay to your husband's home, you can take them back if you can handle those kids.
2007-12-12 12:46:36 · answer #5 · answered by Kevin the Wise 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's legal if you have full custody, but for the sake of your kids you shouldn't argue with that. I think he's doing all of you a favor.
2007-12-12 12:42:43 · answer #6 · answered by HawaiiGurly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sure he can........sounds to me like he is trying to help you out of a tight spot. however you do need to agree with the temporary set up. a visit with your family lawyer would be recommended.........good luck.
tough time of year to find steady work.
2007-12-12 12:44:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can you draw unemployment?
2007-12-12 13:06:12 · answer #8 · answered by Wildflower 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
doubt it. do not give into him.. check with you lawyer first.
2007-12-12 12:50:18 · answer #9 · answered by vis 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋