My husband and I have only been married for 2 months, however we dated for almost a decade. We've had our share of ups and downs, but have always worked through it.
The past two months have been really hard. Last night we got into an argument and I have never heard such nasty things come out of his mouth. That I was ugly and obese (I wear a size 2) and that he never wanted to marry me and tried to back out. And he is convinced that I am sleeping with someone (he always thinks this....very insecure). And went on and on in detail about how disgusting and terrible I am. I got very upset and gave him back the wedding ring and he told me he wanted a divorce.
I am so upset that I feel like I want a divorce, but I feel like such an idiot after 2 months of marriage to file for divorce. I'm just concerned that he's done some irreversible damage that can't be fixed. I won't ever feel the same about him after the horrible things he said to me. Is it worth trying to work out?
2007-12-12 11:59:11 · 25 answers · asked by Keely L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh that is so sad and I completely understand how you feel. I can actually feel your pain being that I have been in this type of situation. This is my second marriage and isn't as bad as the first one but it's bad.
I think if you want to save your marriage, you should have a heart to heart with him and ask him what is it that is really bothering him, you two really need alot of positive communication right now.... and if he really wants a divorce then give it to him. Life is too short for this kind of drama. Good luck to you and I am so sorry that you have gone through this.
And you are certaintly not a failure!
2007-12-12 12:05:02 · answer #1 · answered by sweetness 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wonder why it took so long for you and him to tie the knot. I think there is a point in time where you both know whether or not there is marriage potential here. I wouldn't waste more than a couple of years on someone without any future plans.
You're not a failure if the marriage ends. Only you can decide whether the relationship is worth salvaging. But "divorce" should not be the go-to move for any married person unless there is the threat of violence and then you have little choice. Every married couple may have moments where they may second-guess the marriage, but those moments don't last and are pretty rare. I disagree with the answerer who thinks fighting is the norm in marriage. It doesn't have to be. But the two people at least should basically like each other and get along most of the time.
2016-10-27 08:59:54 · answer #2 · answered by TheBansheeofBebop 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both were together for almost a decade, then got married. Some people are happier not being in a commited relationship. Once a couple signs on the dotted line a lot of pressure builds up and they can't handle marriage. The easy way out is to start vicious name calling, which a lot of times is irreversable, and will lead to divorce. Never call yourself a failure. A marriage is two people and if it doesn't work, you share the blame. Hope it works out for you. lol.
2007-12-12 12:09:48 · answer #3 · answered by larry m♥ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No! You're not a failure and the marriage is not a failure either, by any means. That sounds like a typical scenario in a married persons life. Please don't believe that most marriages out there are filled with what you consider normal behavoir which would include disrespectful, horrible things directed from one spouse to another. It's growing pains. So what you've been together for ten yrs previous. Obviously it isn't the same as being married for ten years. It isn't. Marriage is a blending of two personalities, habits, families, money, practical conversation, ethics, eating habits, sleeping habits, every kind of preference, grooming,etc. It's going to get intense at times. Why do we admire old married couples? Is it because nothing ever foul comes out of their mouths? It;'s always sunny and pleasant? We can see that they've lived a long time together by the way the handle disagreements and for all non-geniuses that takes some working out, some hands on experience with perhaps visual aids, etc. A lot of people will respond, "Well I nevah,...." Forget those people. I'm telling you so what he's acted like an *** you've never imagined Ghengis Khan acting like. I'm not saying let him off the hook. I'm saying don't you dare throw away all of those years and a fledging marriage b/c he decided to throw a tantrum in a nuclear way. hang in there. Remeber that episode of Seinfeld where George is trying to get his girlfriend to dump him? Hang onto this relationship. It will smooth out if you have confidence in yourself and know that he is going to be ashamed of himself at some point if you keep your chin up and resist jumping in the pig pen with him with the personal assaults to get your way.
2007-12-12 12:21:05 · answer #4 · answered by Steve C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of questions here besides the one you asked the readers to help you with.. First has he even verbally abused you like this before? does he have reason to say something like you cheating on him (has it really happened) and why get married now after a decade?
He may be actually telling you he didnt want to marry you and actually wants out. But from what I am reading in your note, you have a verbally abusive husband and if you ever plan on coming to terms with what he said, you will have to get help from a professional, for both of you together. This marriage is new, so maybe he is scared of the title husband, I don't know, but I have been in similiar situation where I got the heck outta there and we are now friends. So unless you want more name calling slung at you, do find a cheap lawyer and get out now. An annulment is not possible because the marriage was consumated, but unless you are pregnant with his child, you have no assets to divide right now. My best to you and I hope this helps.
2007-12-12 12:57:58 · answer #5 · answered by rose_n_oklahoma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nearly a decade together without the ring and paper, and only 2 months with ring and paper and you both can't handle it?!!
all i can say is DAMN. and that he is probably having an affair, and has been doing so for quite a while. a lil tidbit that is so obvious, yet so easily missed, the one doing the ****, is the first one to cast the first stone and blame the other for what they themselves are doing.
you are not a failure. he had a freak out, and couldn't be upfront and honest with you, nor himself foremost. and that is HIS wrong, not yours. i know how divorce can be embarrassing, regardless of it being 2 months, or 20 years. but you do what is right for you. whether it be marriage counseling, separation (giving the two of you some space and time to figure out what you got yourselves into), or divorce.
2007-12-12 12:13:27 · answer #6 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's worth trying to work out. If it doesn't, you'll know you at least tried your best. There will be some difficult issues to go through, and a professional may help cut through the non-important things. You do need to know exactly why he married you, no matter how much you may dislike the answer.
I personally believe divorce is not an option unless adultery, or physical abuse is present.
2007-12-12 12:05:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sweetie what he said to you is how he really feels. out of the abundance of the heart the mouth will speakth. which means that he really feel this way about you. this is why one should not argue in the heat of madness because hurtful things but truthful things will be said. its like a drunk will talk you to death while drunk but when he is sober he is quiet as a mouse. just chop this up as a lesson learned and move on. and next relationship dont spend so much time on dating. if its not going right than move on. because now you have wasted ten yrs and two months on this guy. but this is life and we all have to learn. you are no different and am sure there are people who have been married less time than you and moved on. and NO YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. you tried something and it didnt work. thats it thats all. GodBless
2007-12-12 12:11:23 · answer #8 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
O my gosh, I feel so sorry, honey if did this to you, there is no signs of love or anything close to it....if a person loves you he shouldnt be saying that kinda of stuff, unless he had a reason for that, if he said him self that he wants a divorce, I dont think you should be trying something, unless you really have to work on it, and if he ll change, but if he said that he never wanted to marry you, then I dont know, thats a big problem....how can you and why would you wanna live with the person that never wanted to be with you. I hope that makes sence....any ways good luck and God bless.....
2007-12-12 12:08:46 · answer #9 · answered by my angel is 2 1/2 now:) 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know a couple that only lasted 3 weeks.
In my opinion, if you love him, you'll try to get over this
Marriage is a tricky thing, it's not exactly all roses as soon as the judge says: You may now kiss the bride.
Talk to him, ask him if anything's wrong, try going out with him again. (Assuming that you both haven't gone dating for a while)
Maybe it's just an overreaction, my pops ALWAYS does that. But in the end, my mom always talked it out with him, and he'll go meekly back to watching T.V.
He hasn't done anything irrecersible, it's just that you're very sensitive, and you don't like those comments, it degrades your pride and makes you self-conciousness.
Take back your wedding ring, kiss him, say you're sorry, and just talk it out with him. I bet he's just as upset as you are.
2007-12-12 12:10:26 · answer #10 · answered by Z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋